I'm so mixed up. Had a horrible childhood and am not ashamed to admit that I HATE my mother. The only thing she did a brilliant job of was messing up my head. She was physically abusive, but the emotional stuff was the worst.
I take it out on DP and the kids. I can be happy, funny, smiley, loving. Then suddenly I can be shouting, insecure, angry, controlling, needy. I'm trying so hard to work at it but I saw her yesterday and then spent the night crying, self harming, trying to force DP awake at 1am to "talk to me". Coincidence?
I have to stop this anger. It never goes away. I'm never truly happy.
I'm going to try going no contact with her again but it's hard because the bitch has access to my children. My most precious things. What if she damages them the way she has me?
I've had some counselling, thought I was better as my social anxiety improved massively but all this shit is still here so I'm going back - could be months though until they have a space.
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Mental health
All the anger is aimed at the wrong people.. I'm going to lose everyone...
17 replies
MyCrazyLife · 20/07/2014 08:44
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