Extremely worried about my son's mental health

[goonermother]

I'm worried about my son's mental health. It all started around this time last year. I noticed a change in his behaviour. Prior that, he was always a happy, social young man who had the ability to strike up a conversation with anyone. But after his first year at uni and during the summer holiday last year, he became completely different. Much more introverted. He would spend an entire day in his room without even emerging from it. He barely spoke to me when he was outside of his room.

I've asked him several times whether he's feeling okay. He simply mutters "I'm fine." A few days ago I asked him again and he blew the lid, telling me to "leave him the fk alone." I also think he's smoking marijuana. I've never smoked it but when I was in my teens, people around me did. I know that smell. My son walked passed me a couple of days ago and the weed smell coming from him was unmistakable.

Yesterday I found him in the living room, watching the news. The tragic story about the downed Malaysian aircraft was on. My son burst into tears and said, "this fking world," and got up and quickly left the house. He didn't come back until late at night. When I asked him where he was, he simply said "somewhere."

The other day he told me he doesn't know who he is because of his racial and ethnic background. I'm half white and half Oriental Asian and his father was half black and half Latino. My son's father was Brazilian - he passed away when my son was 2 due to lung cancer. His father was also an orphan when he was a child, so there are no relatives from his side of the family. I know that he's always missed his father, like I do, and he's always wanted to know about his story. However, in the past, he's always been proud of his mixed background, so what he told me about not knowing himself surprised me.

I'm very worried. When I was 19, my brother committed suicide and he exhibited similar behaviour. He became very withdrawn. He put up a wall around himself, just like my son is doing now.

[CheesyBadger]

I was very withdrawn at a similar age and was a very philosophical teenager. I thought about things a lot and struggled with day to day stuff.

My stepmum helped me in the end by taking practical steps and getting me into group counselling. I needed someone to take the reins.

I have no experiences of being on the other end of it but remember everyone asking if I was ok and shouting at them but secretly being pleased they cared and feeling guilty about being unstable

[goonermother]

Like your stepmother, I have been thinking about counseling/therapy as well. But broaching the subject with my son is difficult because of how withdrawn he has become.

[superstarheartbreaker]

I think cannabis could be an issue here. I absolutely hate it and know that it causes mh difficulties.

[NanaNina]

Goonermother so sorry you are worried about your son, and I think you do have reason to be concerned. I am no medic but I do know that sometimes mental illness can begin to emerge in young adulthood and there is a hereditary component, with your brother's suicide.

I think smoking cannabis (and some of it is what the kids call skunk which is much stronger than cannabis) can cause mental health problems for people with a pre-disposition to mental illness. It sounds like he is suffering from depression as this causes us to withdraw and isolate ourselves from others.

The problem is of course getting your son to the GP as I imagine he will flatly refuse. IF he is having some sort of psychotic episode (where he is out of touch with reality) he won't realise that he is ill and in such cases someone else needs to alert the GP to the concerns. I think you should request that your son is assessed by the Community Mental Health Team (usually via a GP referral) and you would of course have to tell your son. I think doing nothing is not an option to be honest.

Presumably he has another 2 years at Uni and there are student counsellors available, but I think you need to take some action now and get your son assessed by the CMHT in your area.