..then maybe we can be miserable together and not have to pretend that everything is great/going to get better and that we are just going through a depressive episode? for some of us this way of thinking is permanent so how do we live with it?
my backstory/worldview is that i think that post industrialised societies are crap. families are spread out all over the place. people are lonely. we are educated in order to be workers and find fulfilment through work but this is a lie. most people have jobs not vocations. mine is ok but it is hard knowing that in reality i could be sacked at a moments notice and to avoid poverty etc i need to keep the good employee act up for the next 30 years. we are supposed to smile while we 'suck it up'.
some people manage to get the full package 2.4 kids health relationship meaningful work etc and if you don't get these things then it's hard. it's no use blaming society as 'society' doesn't give a f*ck. so you blame yourself or parents and this leads to depression which makes you feel worse.
some people find solace in nature but since darwin wrote that all livings things even plants are in a struggle for survival against one another i know longer feel so comfortable with the innate beauty of nature. i also saw some male ducks gang rape and kill a female duck once and that has stayed with me also cos ducks are meant to be benign but they are also ruthless iyswim.
from most of the things i have read on MN having children is supposed to give life more joy and meaning but if you try for kids for that reason you will probably be told that you should not bring children into the world to give your life meaning. i dont have children btw and might not due to infertility.
i am also severely depressed and seeing a psych and cpn.
i constantly think of suicide but know that i cant act on it because i dont want to cause pain to my family but fantasing about it does temporarily make me feel better. one thing that did make me feel better today was pruning a bush in a community garden. i went in and they told me what to do and i focussed on pruning and it gave me some respite. i am also am volunteering as a youth worker and at a night shelter for destitute asylum seekers where we cook food and sleep on the floor of a church. i did this because i thought if i could find people worse off than me it might make me feel better (perverse i know). but the asylum seekers are so accepting and positive even though they are fleeing persecution/have left their families/are destitute that it has also made be feel ungrateful about what i have and and am still depressed.
anyway feel free to have a rant/moan or share your worldview (however bleak). if you find anything that temporarily relieves the misery people could share that too maybe?
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Mental health
if you hate living but suicide is not an option..
25 replies
crashbandicoot · 17/07/2014 03:14
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