Hi, I am tired

[fatedtopretend]

I am ready for a change.

Drinking, quitting jobs, self harming, sleeping all day or not sleeping for days money issues-the list goes on.

No idea what to do.

Sorry this is not a very good post-my brain won't make up the words properly today.

[fatedtopretend]

How do I stop the cycle?

[fatedtopretend]

I think I should maybe put dd into care, I am not equipped to look after her. I don't want her to become like me or for me to make her not right in any way.
I just want to give up now, there is no way out, I am so tired, everything has gone so wrong and I can't change it.

[fatedtopretend]

If I could just sleep

[susiedaisy]

Hi fated how are you today? Are you getting any help from anyone?

[Fragglewump]

Op I'm sure that putting your dd into care would not be the best thing. Every parent struggles at times and you will get through this. Do you have any support from friends or family in rl?

[fatedtopretend]

My parents help but they take over, I may as well not be a mum.

Today was a bit better, got about 4 hours sleep last which is so much better than the last week.

I really feel like I'm losing it. I can't handle dd and her constant screaming. I can't handle the nights alone and not working but couldn't handle working either. It's all a mess.

I pretend to dp when I see him that everything is good, I don't have rl friends to talk to. It's very lonely.

[dingit]

How old is your dd? Try to go out every day for fresh air, good for both of you. Join a mother toddler group. Speak to your doctor or health visitor.

You must be feeling awful. Hopefully other people will come along to help

[fatedtopretend]

She is 4, it's post nursery tantrums. Every day though.

I try with friends but then revert back to being a hermit and going through the drink/self hatred/self harm cycle.

[Fragglewump]

How about trying to do something positive? Have you got a dream job? Or holiday? Could you work part time just to break up the lonely boredom and may be even make new friends. You are going to get more time on your hands once your dd starts school. Look online for volunteering opportunities - some of them are in fascinating places.

[dingit]

So tell yourself she will be at school in September. She will still have tantrums, but they will be because she's knackered. You will make new mum friends through school.

Then you will have some time to yourself, and use it! Both for leisure and to find a job you like.

And I hate to break the news. They still have big hissy fits at 13!

Oh and make some nice plans for the summer. I used to find it hard, but if we had something nice planned every week, it was something to look forward to. Have a look in the library /local paper for things going on, there are loads for that age. We used to do the library book trail, which meant we went to the library then the park, and quite often there was someone to stop and chat to.

[LEMmingaround]

You ask how to break the cycle. Have you been to see your gp? That would be the first step. Your gp might give you medication and or refer you for counselling. One thing they wont do is put your dd into care. She needs her mummy.

Are you quite young? You say that your parents take over - that must be difficult as it does make it difficult to accept help. Is there a home start in your area?

[fatedtopretend]

I worked f/t until recently, when I got made redundant I had to move back in with my parents (I'm not young-just a single mum).

Dd goes to nursery f/t until next week when she will break for summer.

I'm retraining in September for my dream job and am looking for p/t work.

I used to be on sertraline and olanzapine but never stuck with them.

When she goes to bed now I sit on my own and drink or self harm, it just seems never ending but I daren't go back to the gp, I am letting her down.

[Fragglewump]

Have you tried counselling? Your gp could refer you and it can be brilliant. That's a non drugs option.

[LEMmingaround]

There are other ads. I am on citalopram which helps. First few weeks are always pants though. Even more frustrating if you are older living with parents after a break. It is brilliant about the retraining. Could you do some pre reading around that subject when you put dd to bed?

[dingit]

You need a distraction for evenings. Come on mn, read, knit, crochet, paint or draw. It sounds as dull as ditchwater, but at least your fingers and mind would be busy.

[fatedtopretend]

I have been making loom band shite

Thanks for the pre-reading idea-should have been an obvious one really. Tonight I am reading a book and eating an awful lot (many food issues but it seemed like the safer option between that and drinking).

[LEMmingaround]

Nothing wrong with loom bands . If you gave the patience! My friend has made a business of it.

Drink is counter productive. I tend to drink too much and it doesn't help. I even turned to chamomile tea in desperation once - blow me! It worked!!

Glad you are managing to distract yourself this eve. I find mn great for that. I crochet sometimes.

[fatedtopretend]

Think the bit of sleep last night really calmed me today.
It has not been anywhere near as bad although I am berating myself for a 7000 calorie day

I think I will try go for a run tomorrow once dd is at nursery and see if it lifts my mood any more.

[LEMmingaround]

If uou regularly struggle to sleep its a killer. A short course of sleeping tablets can help.

[fatedtopretend]

Dd still rarely sleeps through, that paired with not getting to sleep easily is getting me down a lot. I am really fighting to change things but I can't keep to anything, I get 1-2 good days then a massive slump for a few weeks.

[Reallystrugglinginside]

no advice but hand holding.

[fatedtopretend]

Thank you, I managed a run today an picked dd up early and did 2 hours of crafts, all going ok so far-the run really lifted my spirits but I am craving wine.

[LEMmingaround]

I am impressed with the run! especially in this heat and glad you are feeling better. I would be inclined to give the wine a miss - could you have a cold beer instead? I struggle to drink a whole can of beer but could easily polish off a bottle of wine

[fatedtopretend]

I had a lot of wine and a lot of beer. Bad night. Today will not be a good day

[LEMmingaround]

Today is a lovely sunny day. If you don't feel like running try and go for a walk.