Feeling like the worst mother ever

[loopylou0612]

I have done a truly terrible thing and there is no-one at home I can talk about it with because I'm worried of what they will think of me.

I went to a party with some friends, taking dd with us. There was a bouncy castle and fun and games for all the lo's and dd got straight in there!

My friends ds was joinng in too and they were both playing happily until dd went on one of her mad rampages. The behaviour was truly awful and I ended up huddled in a corner, crying my eyes out, whilse everyone else ran around after her.

My friend noticed me, came up and asked what was wrong and I basically told her that I was sick of my dd, I didn't want her anymore, and why did I bother having her in the first place?

I'm feeling thoroughly ashamed of myself and I didn't mean a single word I said. I love my dd with all my heart but her behaviour wears me out and gets me down, to the point where I can't even face taking her out in public anymore. This only makes things worse though, because she gets agitated indoors.

My dh works long hours, my parents are no help whatsoever and I feel so alone with it all. Dh will keep making comments like, it's my fault because I'm too soft with her/I give in too easily and although to a certain extent he is right, I don't need to keep being reminded of it.

I go to bed dreading that something might happen to her during the night because I said I didn't want her and the thought of any harm coming to her is eating me up. I feel sick all the time with worry, but I really don't know what to do or how to handle my situation.

I am in the process of sorting out a better routine for us both, as we are returning to work today, and I am trying to be calm when she plays up. I've decided to do it alone, simply because I feel I already do.

Sorry this is a bit long winded, and I'm sorry if I have offended anyone. I'm pleased to have been able to let it out. Thank you.

[saadia]

loopylou I think most of us feel this way sometimes. It is very hard work looking after kids, particularly if you have no practical/emotional help. Try not to feel too bad. I have lost my temper with ds really badly a couple of times and it just made me realise that it doesn't help at all. Try to learn from the experience. We all say things we don't mean sometimes but try not to dwell on it. Of course you love your dd, but you are also under a lot of pressure. Try to gradually introduce a routine and rules, if you think you are too soft, but give dd lots of positive attention at the same time. With my ds1 I find that if he is being ratty it helps to just play with him for a while.

[loopylou0612]

Saadia, thanks for that. It's good to know that I am not the only one who has ever felt like that. The thing that makes it worse was that I actually vented my feelings out loud, whereas I had been thinking about it in my head for some time. All the while it was in my head, it wasn't real, IYSWIM?

Thanks again.

[Saturn74]

LoopyLou, I think every parent feels like this at times! (You'll notice that Mary Poppins had no children of her own !!) I think the maternal instinct comes with a heavy dose of guilt too! It is really hard to bring up children with no support network, and sometimes it can be lonely. Would it be possible to arrange a regular night out with your friend - maybe once a month, just to have a break for a few hours?

[loopylou0612]

Unfortunately HC I have suggested this to her countless times and always seem to be rebuffed. I know she has two little ones now and money is tight, but I think she thinks badly of me now, as I haven't heard from her since the party.

I strongly believe that part of my problem is that I just don't get any time to myself, where I can be me rather than mum. Up until the summer hols, I was going to the gym 4 times a week and putting dd into the creche there, but the creche closes through the summer and even something as simple as going to the gym means dd is technically with me and im wondering what she is up to, how she is etc.

fortunately, my Mum and Dad have got some time off in November and have asked us if they can take dd away for the weekend, which dh objected to, but I overode him and said they could. He isn't happy, but I need a rest and I think if he was a bit more helpful in the first place, I wouldn't feel the need to 'offload' her for a little while.

Also we are going away for an adults only weekend with some friends for my birthday in December and I know I sound ungrateful, but I could do with a bit of time out now really.

[divastrop]

are there any nurseries she could go to where ur?having a little one that age at home is a nightmare.my ds2 has been going to a playgroup/childcare facility that is attached to the local nursery school since he was 2.i know most areas have playgroups where u can leave them for a couple of hours for not very much money.it helps when they mix with other kids and arent so bored.
im sure ur freind wont think badly of u,everyone says things they dont mean when they are stressed/upset etc,and most mums have felt that way at one point or another.