Anxiety... it's the centre of my world lately. I don't even know when it got so bad - I didn't really notice it getting worse, or even that it was an issue TBH, it is so much a part of me that I didn't even realise I was doing it IYSWIM? Worry is my baseline emotion. I spend, without even (until recently) realising it, a huge amount of my time just trying to distract myself. The purpose of my brain is to try its hardest not to feel what it's feeling - to avoid it at all costs. But it doesn't work sometimes :(
Sometimes it gets into what feels like an infinite loop. I worry about something and it just gets bigger and bigger and my brain just won't shut up. Like tonight, I messed up at work, it's a minor thing and I've already apologised for being a bit behind but it has amplified and there's a big ball of fear in my stomach because I'm scared of what will happen when I'm next in. I'm going to attempt to sleep downstairs with a DVD on because it's the only thing that has a chance of drowning out intrusive thoughts. I've been lying in bed for over an hour just dwelling and panicking and my brain hurts from overthinking every little detail.
I am exhausted :(
I know all the CBT stuff so well I could write a bloody book on it but when the anxiety sets in it just isn't enough. I am trying so hard but I don't think I'm capable of not being anxious anymore.
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Mental health
I HATE my brain!
7 replies
frugalfuzzpig · 14/01/2014 00:03
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