sucidal

[endofanera]

Nothing else to say really. I hate feeling like this. I think I can manage it and hope it will pass. But, I am not functioning normally. Its horrid.

[QOD]

Must be.
You need to talk

Are you alone at home?

[endofanera]

yep alone. Don't now where to turn. I have shut people out, having serious thoughts then they pass and just feel really really depressed and helpless, then the thoughts come back. Really don't know what to do.

[Golddigger]

Have you seen your gp lately.
Has something happened recently to trigger these thoughts?

[deelite72]

www.turn2me.org

[endofanera]

No not seen gp. Appointments hard to get. Lots has happened. it a long story and pretty unbelievable and confused in my head. I don't think clearly. I am having unwanted thoughts, someone will say a word and I link it to something else (cant say what) but its not who I am. I am not that person.

[darkdays]

Do you have a crisis team in your area? If so they may be able to help. You could also try the samaritans. you should also seek advice/help from your go. You can feel better with the right help. There is hope, even if you can't see that right now.

[endofanera]

I am not well

[LooseTitsSinkShips]

Hi. Stopping by to pass a hug to you. Feeling suicidal is awful and scary. I have felt like that myself and nursed LOTS of others that have (am a mental health nurse). Please, please contact either A&E, your out of hours GP, nhs direct or the Samaritans. There really is help out there for you, and you won't be judged.

Feeling like you've shut people out and not functioning properly is a huge part of being depressed....you do know depression is a treatable illness that's not your fault?

I am now well again after feeling very depressed for a while, and your happiness and hope can come back too. I know it's hard to see a way out of how you feel, but there is support for you. Please get medical attention as soon as possible.

Sending HUGE hugs

[Golddigger]

Most gps you can get an emergency appointment for the same day.
Do you think that you can wait until monday to have an emergency appointment?

Other options are to ring the samaritans and 999 if necessary.

[endofanera]

I wish this wasn't happening with every bone in my body.

[LEMisafucker]

would it help to talk about things here? Do you feel you might do somehting tonight? you can call the samaritans if you need to hear a voice

[Golddigger]

I can tell that you are not well.

You sound to me like you want to talk. We can listen. And the samaritans are trained listeners.

[endofanera]

I cant do this anymore. Cant call anyone as don't have charge on my phone. Thankyou for your replies. Glad you here.

[Golddigger]

[email protected]
is the email address for samaritans if you are interested anytime.

I am glad that you know that you are not feeling yourself. There is help available.

Are you having thoughts about bad stuff that you have suffered in your past?

[endofanera]

I feel I cant talk as its such a long complicated story. I just want to curl up and go to sleep. I don't have any energy. My head has had enough now. I cant make sense of anything. There is no going back. Everything feels unsalvageable.

[endofanera]

Yes, it is stuff I have suffered in my past. Its come creeping back really unexpectedly and its awkward and horrid. I have no control over the thoughts.

[LooseTitsSinkShips]

You really do seem quite unwell at the moment. Can I ask, do you actually not want to be here anymore, or is it more that you cannot bear to feel how you are feeling anymore?

Lots of times, its the latter, and there is help out there that can change how dreadful you are feeling.

[endofanera]

Its both. I feel I have no choice but to not be here anymore and I cannot not bear to feel this horrid. But, there are reasons to stay I just fluctuate from feeling, not to be here would be the best thing all round. I don't know how I can claw back.

[endofanera]

I cant believe I have come this far after everything. Fighting through everything wasn't worth it. I wish I had ended it as a teenager.

[Golddigger]

Do you think that you need some sort of counselling to untangle your thoughts? It may come under the heading of physcotherapy. Apologies, I dont know the correct term for what you may need.
It sounds like you need a professional to help you unravel things.

[Golddigger]

It sounds like you have hit some sort of stumbling block. Perhaps rather than a difficulty which can never be overcome.

[endofanera]

My god, I have tried so bloody hard in my life. I was doomed to fail. Feels like I am jinxed. I feel like the system has something against me. Its doing everything it can to finish me off. I thought earlier.. its what they want. I am a catalyst and I don't now how to stop it. I really don't want to be!

[endofanera]

Your all so kind and you don't even know me. Thankyou. I feel so massively selfish.

[LooseTitsSinkShips]

It is awful when you feel at the bottom of a big hole, and can't find your way back out. it sounds as if you've lost hope at the minute. BUT right now, you don't have to know how to claw back, you only need to focus on staying safe.

The clawing back and feeling less horrid will happen, but only if you are here. And the best way to remain here is to focus on reasons to stay...and you only need one for it to be worth it....and get help. Can you get to A&E? You will be safe and helped there.