Note: Mumsnet has not checked the knowledge, experience or professional qualifications of anyone posting on Mumsnet Talk, so this is not necessarily the best place to seek help if you're feeling seriously distressed or suicidal. Mumsnet cannot be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice and support.

DH back to work on Tuesday. How do I recruit daytime nanny part-time 4 till 7.30 pm. Baby 3 weeks. DD 5 years.

(213 Posts)
Katiejon Wed 20-Nov-13 16:37:39

Title says it all!
Any agencies to avoid in London?
I live in Hendon NW4.

HoopHopes Fri 06-Dec-13 19:08:00

Hi, having a young baby is exhausting and I can totally empathise about lack of sleep, previous stressful events and recovery from a c section. I found when I was 8 weeks post c section I was physically more able to do things ( without pain that is!!) so hopefully as each week goes by you will recover.

Lack if sleep is torture!! It does get better, honest - so hope you can hold onto that hope. And I do not think day's really understand what it is like, so try not to get so wound up if you can about your dh working, as they do not know what major surgery/childbirth/breastfeeding is like!

Recovery from pnd - medication helps, getting as much sleep as possible ( so yes, nanny, cleaner, family - if you got it, use it!!!)

Best advice is to speak to your HV - tell her about your symptoms, the help you think you need. They have post natal support groups for pnd they can put you in touch with. You can ask her to refer you to the peri natal mental health team who can assess you ( but it you already have a psychiatrist you would not receive treatment under 2 psych's). Also they can put you into group sessions to help you bond with your child as people with pnd do sometimes struggle with that. Children centres have support workers for mums with mental health issues or mums who are struggling with parenting, so you can request a support form if you think they could support you in parenting whilst suffering with pnd. So support there for people with pnd. Once a child is 18 months old there is much less support, as it is not in the post natal period and much less funding for adult mental health care so best to seek the support in these first few months.

If you want to go private then find a counsellor specialising in pnd is best.

passerby123 Fri 06-Dec-13 15:20:06

There is a separate discussion forum on MN about pnd under Becoming parent/Antenatal-postnatal depression.

WaitingForPeterWimsey Fri 06-Dec-13 14:59:05

Messup, I am so very sorry about your Pnd.

I think what we all need to try to remember is that it doesn't matter how many material advantages and help people have, they can still need help and feel they are struggling. Princess Diana allegedly had an ED and depression iirc and she must have been one of the best supported mothers in the world financially/practically. Money/help don't alter what is going on in our heads.

Katie, I know I proposed moving the existing thread, but I would actually suggest you delete this thread now, name change and start a new thread in mh for support specifically with Pnd. It is very difficult for people to look beyond what they will see as your advantages. Some of us do understand. Sending you all very best wishes.

Messupmum Fri 06-Dec-13 14:27:31

I wish I had all that support over the past four years struggling as a single mum with depression, anxiety and bpd, as well as starting off in a one bedroom top floor flat! I don't know where people have got the diagnosis of severe mental illness, yes op has a psych who's there to prescribe meds, but the hallucinations were five years ago with her dd? I may have got that wrong, sorry if I have. I have also hallucinated in the past year but was told it was due to sleep deprivation and meds, and they weren't too worried.

I'm sorry op is struggling and in physical pain, that doesn't help with the tearfulness and sleep. And I know anyone, no matter how wealthy, single or married, or mums with one or four kids, can be mentally unwell, but what I'm finding hard to sympathise with is the support op has. Not many mums can afford childcare, and have no choice but to clean and cook. I hope you have a good chat with your psych, op, take ads and use the support and appreciate it. Over time the physical pain will improve, and hopefully things will get easier.

Katiejon Fri 06-Dec-13 14:24:23

I have not had nanny overnite, although I think I have found someone now.

Katiejon Fri 06-Dec-13 14:23:17

Nanny on a Saturday only when dh working.
Dh booked himself to work on 3 Saturday's without telling or discussing with me.
I found out 3 days before csection, had to come home and start finding someone to help me.
Dh opposed nanny, saying inexperienced ap could do it.
Dh not doing extra work in order to put food on table.
Also had missed miscarriage oct 2012 (after seeing hb at 8 weeks). 9 weeks light bleeding.
2 x medical management and then erpc to clear lining.
The lochia now reminds me of the prolonged bleeding.

Katiejon Fri 06-Dec-13 14:16:52

Waiting and Peter, v kind of u.
Not sure if depressed, more exhausted!

WaitingForPeterWimsey Fri 06-Dec-13 13:40:37

Just thought it may be helpful (hope this is ok Katie) to summarise the thread, now it has been moved into MH by MNHQ.

Katie has been dx with Pnd and is taking Prozac. She also had spd and a recent c section and has been really struggling with sleep as well as physical recovery.

Katie gets some help from her dm, but her DH works long hours (he is a dr iirc). She has had a nanny in to help her as she hasn't felt able to cope alone, especially at night.

Although she has an ap, the ap isn't very self-starting and Katie has struggled to being up to manage her.

Any tips from anyone on here about dealing Pnd would probably be very helpful for Katie. I know this is a very supportive board, which is why I suggested she move her thread here.

JulieMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 06-Dec-13 11:43:03

Hi,

We're going to move this thread into mental health.

We're wishing you all the best, Katiejon. thanks

Strix Fri 06-Dec-13 11:39:30

I am going to start that au pair thread on your behalf, katiejon. I hope you don't mind.

Although, I do think an au pair these days is an employee and not just an additional member of the household. They need set hours, set duties, and set pay in return for their work. Without these things it is difficult for either you or she/he to know what you have bothe signed up to.

Katiejon Fri 06-Dec-13 09:21:45

Hi.
Have asked for thread to be moved to mental health.
Please do not follow if u r going to post negative comments - they may have a bad effect on a vulnerable person, not me, I ignore the negative ones!

SolomanDaisy Fri 06-Dec-13 08:46:09

LIZS it wasn't your post I was commenting on, it was the post directly above mine.

WaitingForPeterWimsey Fri 06-Dec-13 08:42:32

Hi Katie, hope you are feeling ok today and continuing to get stronger physically and feel ok in yourself.

I understand the need to vent just a little about ap. they are not at an age where they see what's needing doing and that can be very annoying when you are yourself feeling run ragged!! Just remember to keep politely explaining what's needed and then leave the cleaner to do the proper cleaning. Ap definitely needs understanding and a holiday though and you can hire temporary help or get cleaner in more if needed for the time she is away.

I think a lot of people on here will be jealous of the amount of help you have and that's reflected in their responses. If help of that kind is beyond their means/they don't have much practical family support they may feel grumpy reading about the fact that you have the financial ability to get a hand and then are still (understandably) feeling overwhelmed sometimes.

You may want to ask MNHQ to move this whole thread to mental health, because I think you would get much more supportive responses and good support with your Pnd. If you report your own op, they will move it for you.

LIZS Fri 06-Dec-13 08:25:30

Solomon I think you're twisting my meaning hmm . If things like wipes are to hand it is much easier to wipe down the basin if it looks like it needs it once you have used it , than to think it is dirty, scrabble around for cleaning items or wait in frustration for some one else to notice. It may even prompt others to do likewise - 30 seconds , done. I'm not suggesting op gets down on her hands and knees and scrubs ! In time she will recover physically and things will become less difficult.

I think you may be a bit ott in expecting AP to meet your standards like hoovering into the corners, especially if you have a clearer coming in each fortnight, but overall you sound as if you have a nice relationship with her.

Theimpossiblegirl Thu 05-Dec-13 23:29:04

Keep ignoring the mean posts. most of us genuinely care and are here to support, not judge.

If an AP is meant to be part of the family, hoovering is something family would reasonably be expected to do.

The Christmas dinner invitation sounds lovely. Don't put too much pressure on yourself though. M&S prepared Christmas dinner side orders are the way to go.

Katiejon Thu 05-Dec-13 23:04:15

Ap and her friend joining me for xmas lunch.
Have also emailed her parents to thank for baby gift.
Hardly something a selfish woman would do.

Katiejon Thu 05-Dec-13 23:00:02

I certainly have opened a can of worms.
I am doing some housework, but not v much.
Reet, please keep your nasty comments to yourself.
Am in favour of free speech, but not if it breaks guidelines.
Cleaner coming every 2 weeks, house MUST be kept relatively dust free as dd and I are asthmatic, me more than her.
I understand ap is young (20!), but how hard is it to hoover in the corners?
She works harder when she knows I'm watching.
Feeling better.

Noctilucent Thu 05-Dec-13 22:44:08

Do not be too hard on yourself. Your baby is only 4 weeks old. You have a five year old. Your DH works - sometimes strange hours, if I recall correctly. You have had SPD, a Caesarean, problems with feeding and hardly sleep. You must focus on yourself, your baby and your daughter.

Your AP is meant to be a member of the family and as such, she is for light duties only, mainly basic childcare. If you can afford it, you probably could hire a part time nanny and a cleaner while you heal. Let your AP travel home - you will have made a decision, she will be happier, and you can plan for additional help while she is away.

For those who have commented on the OP's attitude - where is your sisterhood ? It is hard enough to have one child, let alone two against a cascade of pain and sleeplessness.

SolomanDaisy Thu 05-Dec-13 22:26:14

Top advice there for a woman with spd, a recent caesarean and a mental health problem - just go and wipe the bathroom down dear.

Mrscupcake23 Thu 05-Dec-13 22:02:41

I know you are depressed but honestly your attitude towards other people is not good.

Why can't you au pair go back and see her family ? If she's as useless as you say you won't miss her too much.

I think you could also pick up a wipe and wipe round the bathroom.

veee123 Thu 05-Dec-13 21:54:00

Yes a house wife should be doing the house work. Your husband goes to work you need to bring something to the table if your not working. Au pair is not for major house work. You should be able to run yiur home.

romina Thu 05-Dec-13 21:46:58

Seriously?!

An au pair is there to live as part of the family, learn the language and culture and in return help with childcare and light housework (eg dusting, dishwasher loading) for up to 25hrs a week. They are NOT an employee, but have a special status as part of a cultural exchange programme...

Therefore they do not do a lot of jobs that a "housewife" does. I've had many years of APs and have heard innumerable stories from their AP friends. Being asked to do too much/inappropriate/overly high standard housework seems to be the most common problem. If you want high standard cleaning - get a cleaner - and pay them 3-5 times as much per hour as most APs earn.

I do honestly sympathise that you are having a tough time - but as well as asking other people to understand your point of view, perhaps you should try to see theirs too?

nbee84 Thu 05-Dec-13 21:31:35

Ap's are generally teenagers or young adults. They will not have the experience that a housewife has of running an (hopefully smile) efficient home and of all that it takes to keep on top of things. Think back to when you were younger and first living away from home and learning all about running your own - were your standards as high then as they are now several years later? I know that when I first lived away from home nothing got done during the week and I would have a major blitz at the weekend if I wasn't out on the town!

An ap should be able to help out with the running of the household - emptying the dishwasher, popping the hoover round, putting a wash etc etc on but they are not qualified housewives grin

Katiejon Thu 05-Dec-13 21:13:02

Ap don't wash floors but housewives do?
Discuss.

Katiejon Thu 05-Dec-13 21:11:54

Wipes in tesco delivery tomorrow. smile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now