Note: Mumsnet has not checked the knowledge, experience or professional qualifications of anyone posting on Mumsnet Talk, so this is not necessarily the best place to seek help if you're feeling seriously distressed or suicidal. Mumsnet cannot be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice and support.

contacted the Anna Freud Centre when having a wobble, mentioned intrusive thoughts of accidental harm coming to my children and they have referred me to social care as a risk to my children....

(13 Posts)
ophelia275 Sun 20-Oct-13 10:26:06

The AF centre is shit in my opinion. I had some dealings with them a few years ago and they really annoyed the piss out of me. Mainly because they were creating issues where there were none and not really addressing the issues I wanted to deal with. I quickly stopped going as I realised it wasn't going to help and felt they had their own agenda of "one size fits all" therapy which wasn't helpful. They then had the cheek to try and bill me for the sessions when I had been specifically told I wouldn't be charged (I would have chosen another therapy if I was paying) and harrassed me about it for ages, even though I had been referred and was reluctant to go there in the first place.

HoopHopes Wed 16-Oct-13 21:33:19

Great news!

working9while5 Wed 16-Oct-13 12:22:07

They've just called me back and closed referral. Thank God. I can breathe again.

working9while5 Wed 16-Oct-13 10:50:38

I guess. Wish they'd put it like that though.

Working hard with the fear today. Feel like I've been suckerpunched. I hadn't really had fear in a while. Trying to have attitude of courage to it but this is totally high up my fear hierarchy.

Especially have a fear of being overpowered and not heard by people in authority so imagining all sorts of horrific situations where the psychiatrist I complained about uses this as an opportunity for revenge and to have my children taken off me.

I know this is utter nonsense though, I don't have buy in to it. Mainly there's just that horror in my heart, that sort of 'I knew I'd get found out eventually' because of course the OCD tells me that having had these thoughts is something a sane and proper mother would never have. Rationally I know that 98% of women have them in some form, especially the accidental ones I described and they are just meaningless junk in my brain, no different to an idle musing about having fish and chips for tea.

It's just so hard to have had such a bald response saying they intervene whenever a child is at risk... when they are specialist and I would have thought would know how common this really is... when they could have seen I was just reassurance seeking, asking someone to confirm I am doing my best. Which is an OCD behaviour in and of itself of course.

I just hope social care don't take an age to contact.

HoopHopes Tue 15-Oct-13 23:10:11

Yes it sounds horrid .

I looked up the centre and saw that for quite a few of its program's of help it needed a child to be under 5 and classes as a child in need by social care due to mental health of a parent so maybe they were trying to get you what you need t ge Tthe funding and place on their program's?

working9while5 Tue 15-Oct-13 23:03:33

Yeah not adverse to referral per se... it was the way it was written. Specifically said intrusive thoughts were a risk when they are SO NOT.

Could have been put so much better.

Sent emails to my friend who is social worker and she said she was amazed with how it was written it would be referred.

I know they are all pretty antsy right now.

HoopHopes Tue 15-Oct-13 21:50:58

Yes, agree system is flawed!! But hope you can use the referral to tell them you are seeking help.

How many sessions of psychotherapy have you had/have left? Was it fixed term or have the option of a few extra sessions. I got 6 sessions but the lady said depending on how well I responded and how much progress I made I may be allowed up to 8 sessions. It was not enough but NHS provision is just that sadly, unless under higher care needs etc. she herself said one of best ways for me to get more support was through going through social care, as they can provide support workers, say there are children in need due to mothers mental health which would then trigger extra sessions etc of therapy!!! ( am saving up for private!!)

HoopHopes Tue 15-Oct-13 21:46:38

Any mental health worker can refer people for safeguarding checks. This happens and often then they close the case. With all the high profile cases these days I was told by a professional that they have to refer as it is their jobs on the line. Also one psych told me one of the best ways to access more or even some therapy on NHS is to go through social care assessment as that can help bump people up the list so it may help you. Sometimes the more people ask for help the more professionals feel the need to say, hang on, do you need more help than you are getting and one way of assessing and funding it is through social care.

So have the assessment and they will tell you if you need more support than you are getting and may help you get it. Otherwise other options are wait turn on NHS, or if had what the NHS can offer then ask for psychiatric assessment and ask for more treatment if your diagnosis and findings prove it is helpful, seek private options of funds allow maybe?

Not heard of AF centre.

working9while5 Tue 15-Oct-13 21:02:05

And you know the irony?

This very week I was signed off work because I was distressed because a child in a school I work in had disclosed abuse and social worker wouldn't go out to investigate. Asked us to 'keep an eye' but wouldn't actually assess.

The system is so fucked up.

working9while5 Tue 15-Oct-13 21:00:20

Geologygirl it's the way they did it. They said they needed consent for a referral... they don't. And to present it over email like that... framing it as me being a risk instead of as responding to my request for support. I am just horrified... if this had been a year ago and this had been the response when I was actively unwell vs just seeking therapy to prevent relapse.. I dread to think how I might have reacted.

I don't actually mind the referral. I mind how callously it was done and the potential risk.

I feel so sad too. I went to look for help.... and they could have responded with the same action but in a much more caring way.

geologygirl Tue 15-Oct-13 20:43:28

To be honest with all the tragic occurrences of child deaths and mistakes made by authorities, I'm glad that they are opening their eyes and making sure. Dont worry. They are following process and these things are there to protect children. Im sure it will be resolved very quickly. You've done nothing wrong and have proactively spoken with them. So don't worry x

WhatWouldFreddieDo Tue 15-Oct-13 20:39:51

Oh love, please try not to worry too much. I don't know much about this sort of thing but it sounds as if you have lots of people on your side, and that you'll get the support you need - and as the professionals you know have suggested, the AF centre may well have over-reacted/followed procedures because they have to.

Hand-holding til somone who knows more is along.

working9while5 Tue 15-Oct-13 20:31:14

Feel like I'm in the rabbit hole.

Having scary issues with my mam who really has attachment issues so I contacted Anna Freud centre as I really worry I'll turn out like her one day if I don't keep a constant check on myself. The thing is I have OCD and the core thing is that the issue is NOT that I am ever going to harm my children it's that I worry one day if I lapse in attention or concentration I will miss something important and harm will befall them.

The example I gave was fears of them being flung out a car window. Some women with OCD have much more violent images but I have been relatively lucky in that regard.

I thought I explained this... that basically they are very loved, spoken gently to, have family dinners every day where we talk about our days, are clean and well fed and taken care of and always responded to when they cry etc but that inside I still have doubt I am a good enough mother and I fear secretly I will let them down and not respond to them as they need me to or miss something important and cause them harm. I said I had limited psychotherapy left on NHS and felt I needed further support and would value signposting to appropriate services. I mentioned I had a history of abuse etc.

The response I got was that they had a duty of care to refer to safeguarding whenever a child was at risk.

I've been over the email and there is NOWHERE that I say I have harmed, want to harm or have even thought of harming my children. Simply I worry I am not doing a good enough job, need to continue working on my fears and will take any steps necessary to get help.

My husband is beyond furious. I am lucky that I had been to NSPCC PND group and could contact a worker there who reassured me that there are no concerns and the referral may be closed rapidly.

Just so shocked and upset that a genuine request for help could be dealt with in this way. If they had said they were referring to social care for extra support I would have had no issue but they specifically made it about the intrusive thoughts and framed this as a risk to my children.

I have had a lot of reassurances today from professionals involved with me but it is hard to turn off the what if' s tonight.

I just want a bit of extra therapy. I've been feeling really positive and happy and been living a normal and dare I say it actually worry free life...

Hold my hand x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now