I feel like I am being really unreasonable with how I am feeling....
I have been seeing a counsellor in relation to previous sexual abuse. It is via a charity.
The sessions finished a couple of weeks ago, because the counsellor left the organisation. I had known that she would be leaving for a number of months beforehand. The charity said that although I had to obviously wait for another counselling slot to become available I would be at the top of their list.
I was expecting to have a gap of a few months waiting for a new timeslot, and was ok with that. Then last week I got a call saying that there was a slot available, and I took it. Initially I wasn't sure how I felt about it as I had not been expecting it to be so soon. I spent a few days re-adjusting to the idea, and actually had a really tense day yesterday because the sessions was meant to be at the end of the day.
Then just as I was about to walk out of the door to go to the counselling, I had a phonecall to say they had made a mistake and the slot had already been given to someone else! The person on the phone was really really apologetic and it was clear that she felt genuinely very bad about her mistake.
But last night and today I just feel so crap. I had started to allow myself to think about stuff again, things that I had been pushing away again because I knew that I would have the gap between seeing the counsellors and I thought that was the best way to cope with it. Now I need to try and get rid of all the thoughts and stress and anger again and that feels hard.
I am annoyed with myself that I let myself start to think about it all again, I need to find some way of disconnecting from it all over again so I do not feel bad. I am annoyed with myself also because I feel like I am losing perspective on it - when I am not feeling really bad about it I am feeling like maybe actually I am making a huge fuss over nothing, the abuse wasn't 'that bad' and they probably gave the other person priority over me because they felt that my issues were not really significant.
I don't feel that I can complain about it or even contact them again to ask how long it will be before they do have a free slot, as they won't know the answer to how long a wait there will be anyway.
I hate that I have ended up feeling really angry with myself despite the fact that this was not my mistake. I am upset with myself at how much I have been upset by all this.
Sorry this is quite long, I am just trying to find some way of making myself feel better under the circumstances.
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Mental health
Counselling cancelled and I now feel I am being unreasonable finding it hard
3 replies
beth12345 · 15/10/2013 15:00
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