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Is anyone around? I feel like I need to talk about my counselling session today.

(275 Posts)
mosp Wed 09-Oct-13 20:27:52

I don't really know if this is the 'done thing', but I still feel quite shaky about it.

Funnyfishface Wed 09-Oct-13 20:29:42

Hi

I'm listening. Are you ok? X

LEMisdisappointed Wed 09-Oct-13 20:31:54

Its absolutely fine to share, if you want to. It might help to write things down

Wowserz129 Wed 09-Oct-13 20:35:00

Yes please share what's made you shaky about it if you wish. Always normally someone around to help!

feelinlucky Wed 09-Oct-13 20:35:54

Hi op, please do share. I'm listening.

mosp Wed 09-Oct-13 20:36:05

Thanks. This computer is being really slow today!

I will try to type it out now...

mosp Wed 09-Oct-13 20:40:48

Well, my counsellor (how on earth do you spell that?) is really lovely and I have been through a series of unsuccessful counsellors (to whom I never could open up) before I got together with her.

My problem relates to a traumatic incident which happened in 1997. I have partial amnesia about what happened to me, which is the aspect we are currently dealing with. Today, at her advice (and my full consent) I brought my diary of 1997. I just got it out of the attic for the purpose, but didn't look at it myself (it contains a word that I have since developed a phobia of, so I can't even read my own diary).

She read out some parts to me. I was just shocked. That's it really sad

Bear in mind, my diaries are SO private, I simply can't believe that I actually allowed another person to look at them. SO embarrassing!

That was a really brave thing to do. Really brave. Diaries are your private thoughts, but it really shows how committed you are to work with your counsellor and to move forward.

Of course you're shaken, but you should be proud of yourself.

mosp Wed 09-Oct-13 20:50:41

I had to, I figured. It is the only way. However, I am starting to wonder whether my account of the time was reliable, because it is too much to accept sad

Is it common for a young girl to 'lie' in her own diary? It can't be right. I'm so confused sad

mosp Wed 09-Oct-13 21:11:38

Stupid computer is so slow! Is there anyone there?

yegodsandlittlefishes Wed 09-Oct-13 21:16:26

It is possible for a young girl to put things a certain way and for it to not match quite with the 'truth' but for it to be exactly the truth as she felt/thought it. Its common to pick out certain things and leave oyt many others ro support a particular point of view.

feelinlucky Wed 09-Oct-13 21:18:07

It's early days and maybe a little kindness and less pressure on yourself. It sounds like there's such a lot for you to make sense of and it's really early days. I understand your embarrassment but no one will be judging you. I always find it amazing how we can question our own version of events. I think things will become clearer for you a little further into your counselling relationship. You're so very brave. I hope you're ok tonight.

mosp Wed 09-Oct-13 21:23:26

So, the diary is not reliable? I don't know!!

AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat Wed 09-Oct-13 21:23:42

Hi mosp.

I would say a young girl would lie, but they may word something wrong. I used to have a diary and it's quite depressing what was in their sometimes. I block out a lot of things I don't like to remember and have always been good at this. Dread to think what I would remember if I had hypnotherapy or something like that.

Keep talking, it might make you feel better.

mosp Wed 09-Oct-13 21:54:44

trying desperately to post. been here all evening. it is too slow!!

mosp Wed 09-Oct-13 21:55:29

ah, look at that. that one worked!

mosp Wed 09-Oct-13 21:55:42

I just can't understand how I had it so distorted in my mind. One part of me thinks, why would I lie? Nobody ever reads my diary! Or was I too mixed up even straight after the event to write correctly. But everything else is so detailed, and it reads convincingly. But then, another part of me refuses to accept it. I feel so upset at what happened to 'the girl in the diary'. And it was me!

mineofuselessinformation Wed 09-Oct-13 22:01:22

Wow. It is a huge thing for you to trust your counsellor enough to share your diary. Well done.
I wouldn't worry about whether what you wrote was the absolute truth, it was your point of view at the time as a pp said. What you might find is that you have a different perspective on it as an adult and maybe that would be a good thing to work through with the help of your counsellor. I hope it brings you some peace.

mineofuselessinformation Wed 09-Oct-13 22:02:09

Wow. It is a huge thing for you to trust your counsellor enough to share your diary. Well done.
I wouldn't worry about whether what you wrote was the absolute truth, it was your point of view at the time as a pp said. What you might find is that you have a different perspective on it as an adult and maybe that would be a good thing to work through with the help of your counsellor. I hope it brings you some peace.

mosp Wed 09-Oct-13 22:02:12

So sad sad. This evening, of all evenings, I needed to talk. And the internet is not playing ball sad

mosp Wed 09-Oct-13 22:03:59

But, it's not really about different perspectives. It is that I have amnesia. I try and try to remember, but it is a block. So, maybe what I wrote was a kind of dream. I feel confused and traumatised, in fact.

mosp Wed 09-Oct-13 22:04:40

I'm so grateful for all replies!

feelinlucky Wed 09-Oct-13 22:14:37

I'm so annoyed I can't get on this site properly. Don't worry OP. We will all get back on soon enough. I always find writing everything in my head down really helps me 'offload' and I get a better night sleep.

schnockles Wed 09-Oct-13 22:18:33

Hi mosp,
This was a huge thing you did today. Even without the revelations in your diary it would be enough to make you feel shaky and uncertain.
It seems as though you need to work through what was read to you, written by you, in your diary. I can only speak from my own experience but my diary when I was young (I had a journal from 11-15) was the only place I'd write down exactly how I was feeling because it was private. No one was going to find out so I could write what I felt. So, you could look at it as the truth, although perhaps slightly more emotionally written than you would write now you're an adult.
I'm sorry you had a traumatic experience(s) when you were a child. It must have been pretty awful if you have amnesia and a word phobia as a result.

It's really brave of you to confront your trauma at all, and to let someone read your diary is amazing.

This might be a rubbish idea, but do you think you could read (or have your counselor read to you) a non-triggering part of your diary that you remember? It might help you decide whether what you wrote around that time was generally accurate.

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