Help me to support DH

[Madratlady]

DH suffers from anxiety. He's on mirtazepine which does help but he still gets very wound up about stuff, even things that are actually very trivial. He finds it hard to cope with a lot of things. He also gets obsessed/overly worried about health and death. He can also be very irritable and reacts badly to anything he perceives as criticism. It does make him quite difficult to live with sometimes and I worry about him a lot, particularly about how he will cope when DC1 is born in january.

He was referred for CBT a year ago and was told that there would be a year wait, but now it appears his referral has been lost somehow, so we're going back to the GP to ask for a re-referral, but he doesn't want to have to wait another year and agrees that he needs some kind of counselling/CBT to help him learn to deal with stuff. I will be going with him because he finds it hard to talk about how he feels at the doctor so although I won't talk for him we both think that having someone who is calm and able to explain that he needs some help sooner than a years time might be helpful.

I already deal with our finances and most of the 'organisational' side of things because he finds it too hard. Is there anything I can do to help and support him?

[zumo]

If you can afford to pay for help then pay, if not you have to should shout the loudest, start with the samaritans, mind etc.
Get out of the house, exercise is good.
Don't forget you need help too, your first step was asking on here
Good luck

[Madratlady]

We really can't afford to pay, although I'm going to contact some private providers and get an idea of prices just in case we can work something out. Our financial situation is pretty bad though, DH had large debts when we met and we've been struggling to make ends meet constantly, although the final payments on most of it are due in a month or so then there's still overdrafts to get out of etc.

He was referred to a psychiatrist earlier this year then refused to go as they'd just changed his medication and he was managing better.

I keep encouraging exercise but he says he has no decent footwear for walking (which is free), so I'm trying to suggest swimming but he's self conscious about his weight. He wants to cycle but doesn't have a working bike etc. He's very good at excuses but I will be dragging him out of the house for a wander up the village at the weekend anyway.

I'm just finding it a little harder lately, he seems worse, I'll 10 weeks pregnant and although I'm over the worst of the nausea/exhaustion I sometimes feel like I have to be the calm, level headed, strong one all the time and there's only so much I can do. I'm not a MH professional and that's what he needs.

[mamaduckbone]

My dh also suffers from anxiety and I find it really hard to know what to do for the best too, so you're not alone. I'm also quite a worrier but I feel as though I always have to be the calm, positive one - it's exhausting sometimes.

Exercise has been really good for dh too, so I'd second that suggestion. The excuses and avoidance are all part of the illness, but if you can, try and make him see that it will work some of the adrenalin out of his body. Now dh has started cycling it really has helped. He is also a big reader of self help books - 'The Worry Cure' seems to be one that he is always picking up, and he takes various supplements to help with the symptoms - magnesium and omega 3 I think.

Dh has just started a long awaited course of CBT after a full assessment by a psychologist - it's only taken about 6 months so I guess that's a lottery depending on area. It's worth pushing for though.

Good luck with your pregnancy...I hope your dh gets some help before baby arrives as that in itself will be stressful, especially if he has health anxiety.

[Madratlady]

He's having a really bad day, had to come home fro work, struggling to cope with the physical and mental symptoms of the anxiety. He's very tearful. It's more than I can help him with right now. And we can't get to the doctor's until friday.