I'm after help to come to terms with his diagnosis and help my children. Do I engage with him again or keep away from him?
I left him after 20 yrs of marriage.
Living with him was chaos. Unrelenting miserable chaos. Domestic abuse, financial irresponsibility interspersed with mostly 'normal' behaviour. (Apologies if this description has upset anyone. It's how it was for me.) I was fairly successful in hiding the grotty stuff so that DC and family/friends perceived the marriage as ok. I suspect friends had a suspicion we weren't happy. He could be very morose and unsociable but not all the time. He got worse from about yr 7 of the marriage but until year 10 it was 'manageable'.
I think the DC have memories of a lovely Dad. I covered up a lot
Eventually I got off the roller coaster and left him (that's another thread of its own). I feel I had to, for my own mental health and our financial health. My biggest reason to stay, had been to keep him safe from unwise decisions and try and temper his behaviour. Still didn't see it as related to bipolar. Just thought he was stressed/difficult character. Increasingly I was unable to control his angry outbursts, drinking and financial recklessness. My mental health was challenged and I felt suicidal. So I left. I instantly improved depression wise. It's been a very good move for me.
Within a year he'd had a massive melt down. Bankrupt, almost homeless, left his job, chaotic emotional contact with DC
My issue is now mainly around the relationship I have with him and that of my DC.
Eldest (now adult) has moved away, reminds me of her father in the 'won't be helped' way and rockets between unsociable, depressed and happy making seemingly unwise decisions. Strong rational thread running through her though, so I don't wish to discuss her being BP if its not the case and she's just dealing with life and being a young adult with swinging emotions and fortunes. She is very detached from her Dad. I empathise with this
Middle is level headed and a high achiever. She has however taken over the burden of worrying about her Dad's health and welfare. This is dragging her down hugely.
Youngest... Might have issues as she gets more aware of his behaviour but for now its not a huge issue.
So if you've not dozed off after this life story...my questions are:
Middle child - how can I alleviate her worries? Does this mean me engaging with her Dad again so that she doesn't feel responsible? How can I help her cope with her fears of his self destruct behaviour (suicide is a big cloud)
Eldest -should I discuss BP with her or not? Should I encourage her to have more contact with her Dad or not. She doesn't want it but is also not happy
Is it ok that I keep a virtual wall between me and him because I need to keep myself safe?
What can I do to keep youngest safe as she has unsupervised access visits on her own and is too young to understand what is safe and what is not.
If people think I shouldn't post here, I am sorry. I'm a bit desperate for advice and thought this might be a knowledgeable corner of MN
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Mental health
My children's father has bipolar
9 replies
magnetforce · 20/04/2013 06:07
OP posts:
Unfortunatelyanxious ·
20/04/2013 09:40
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Unfortunatelyanxious ·
04/05/2013 11:35
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