really need some advice on dealing with loved ones??

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Hey there, first time posting in this section but I've been on the site a while so I know you guys usually give good advice!

Long story short, I was depressed+had mild anxiety & was a self harmer from the age of 13 up until I hit 17, when I tried to kill myself & was admitted for 6 weeks.
That spell helped me give up the SHing & start treatment for depression & get CBT. A year later all was well.

I've had the odd slip since & to be honest I'm pretty sure i'll always be prone to depression (it's in the family). I had bad PND when DS was born (he's 2 now).

Basically, my mum is a brilliant mum & has always been there for me. She's always said I should tell her if I feel 'down' again or am struggling etc.

Recently I've been under a lot of pressure & felt like SHing again for the first time in years. I'm starting to lose motivation etc and I just feel like things are slipping more than I'd like. I'm not sure if I'm having a bad spell or it's something more serious yet & I am trying to keep myself going, take care of myself etc.

But when I voiced my concerns to DM she just sort of gave a 'pull your socks up' type response

But I am trying. I'm fighting it & seriously considering seeing the GP etc to nip this in the bud. I just hate bottling it up but feel like I can't talk to anyone in rl about it...especially now I have DS.

When I'm like this I get very anxious too so I don't 'look' depressed to outsiders really. I just seem tetchy.

basically, I just don't know what to do & after my DM's comments I feel like I'm just letting myself get ill, even though it's not what I want at all iyswim. Are you always responsible for taking a bad turn or can it just happen? I'm not even sure any more

Scuse the rant.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

(should also add: I'm an LP, have been since pregnancy, have a new DP but we've only been together 6 months so in some ways it's still stressful handling a new relationship alongside being an LP. Am also a student with OU and a little behind as I had full blown flu last fortnight so I'm stressed as hell about a deadline too. My ds has a mild disability too (clubfoot) which causes a fair bit of worry too).

[TheOrchardKeeper]

I'm scared of going back on medication & the nasty side effects you have at first so don't know if I should go to the GP and explain or just ride it out & hope it doesn't take a turn for the worse.

Really thought I was done with feeling this bad again to be honest