So worried about "nothing"

[Thaleia]

Hi,
I am obsessed with my DS length. He is on the 25 percentile (just) and I am worried about everything: him being bullied, not finding a girlfriend, not finding a job ..... about him being happy EVERY DAY.

He is 41 weeks old and such a great baby. I have no reason to worry and I know that being tall or short or whatever in the middle doesn't make you happy or unhappy.

I had CBT for PND and yes, it was / is working, I am able to "cut my thoughts". But not now, not at the moment. I am so exhausted and tired and feel so down.

I spoke to my GP today and she said if I'd ever mention his lenght to my son I'll damage him and he sees so many people who a now depressed because their mums told them they weren't pretty, clever or good enough.

I don't want to kill myself but at this very moment, I think my son would be better off without him, I don't want to hurt him and make him feel bad. I am so scared that I am a bad mother who is such a bitch and my child will hate me later :(.

How do I stop?

Thali

[narmada]

Oh you poor thing. Your GP sounds utterly, absolutely crap. Is there another one you can see?

Your son Will not hate you, he loves you, you are his lovely mum.

Are you still having the CBT? Perhaps you need more intensive support at the moment, maybe including meds. For me, this was the thing that turned me from a ball of anxiety and depression into a happy, normal mum again.

Please, please go and see another GP.

[narmada]

Do you do any exercise? Can you put your baby in a pram tomorrow and go for a really strenuous walk? That might help calm things down a bit while you wait for another GP appt.

[amillionyears]

Agree with the other posters.
Pleeease go and see a different GP as soon as you can.

[BillyBollyDandy]

Your GP is a cock firstly

Secondly, it sounds like you have general anxiety disorder. I have it, it is exhausting, and it leaves you unbalanced as you are in a continual spiral of fear and adrenaline.

See if you can get some more CBT if that was working for you and see another doctor, or ask for a referral to the mental health nurse, our surgery has one.

I need Anti D's on occasion for my anxiety and that may be something you want to consider, just while you get yourself mentally well again.

[WannabeWilloughby]

Thal.....he's not even one, he'll catch up!! My DS has always been short, always under the 9th centile and I used to worry lots! Measured him weekly, searched endlessly on the net for 'average height of (whatever age he happened to be).... drove myself insane!! Fast forward to him being 3 and a half and there is hardly any difference between him and some others his age now. He is shorter than some but you would never notice. Plus I spike his hair up for extra cms!!

You are a brilliant mum, doing a good job! Id sack your GP off, unhelpful nob. I find health visitors more helpful than GP's. I know there are some nightmare health visitors though, im just lucky.

I think all mums have these issues... are they too short, too fat, too thin, hitting milestones. I haven't got anything else useful to add that others haven't already said but didnt want to read and run.

[Thaleia]

Thanks for your nice words. Haven't gone back to the GP, there is only so much BS I can take but will speak to my therapist and make a session for next week. I'll ask her if I could have general anxiety disorder, because my CBT sessions for PND are a 2, 3 months ago. Maybe things have changed.

I know that everybody worries and that my worries are silly and despite all I am so, so grateful that I have a healthy child.

Again, thanks so much for your words, I was in so much despair because even thinking that I could hurt my son because I can't deal with it was almost too much. Like I'd be the mum of Kevin (Let's talk about ...).