Worried about elderly neighbour

[susanalbumparty]

I have known my neighbour for about 8 years now. He is 85 and lives alone. In conversation he has alluded to the fact that he has been a psychiatric in-patient but I have never pried. He has always been intelligent and pleasant company and a good neighbour. Yesterday however he seemed in a very bad way and I wanted to put it all down in print and ask What Would You Do. I have posted on here before about him and been advised to stay out of it and only act if he reaches out for help.


Yesterday I heard/saw him shouting through his open bedroom window to somebody in his backyard. There was nobody there but he seemed distressed so I went outside and asked if he was OK. He shouted to me to wait there and he would come down.

When he finally came down I didn't recognise him, it's been a few weeks since I saw him properly as he has been away. He looked bloody rough, his nose was almost black and his face was hugely swollen, especially around the eyes. He was dribbling and his top was covered in saliva stains. He was not very steady on his feet and he lumbered across to me, repeating 'can I have a cup of tea, can I have a cup of tea'.

I brought him in to the house and asked if he felt ill or if he wanted me to call a doctor. This panicked him so I made him a cup of tea and let him calm down. I asked him who he was shouting at and he couldn't remember, then he just said 'kids'. I sat with him the next two hours listening to him talk. He is usually eloquent but he was very hard to understand. He was switching between subjects, there was a lot of train of thought stuff coming out and he kept saying the same things over and over again. That he wasn't going back in to hospital, that the police were after him, that our other neighbour was in disguise and spying on him on behalf of the police and, worryingly, that he has been chasing cars in his own vehicle deliberately trying to engineer an accident because 'that's what those bastards do and its about time I got revenge'.

After 2 hours his nose went back to a normal-ish colour, the swelling in his face went down considerably and he seemed physically a bit better although he was wheezing and breathless. He finished his tea and said he would go home. I walked him back over and made sure he got in OK. I didn't go beyond the door but could feel the heating was on (I did wonder if his nose was black due to cold). His house is a midden and always has been. Every few years or so his daughter comes in and sorts it out but it is generally a smelly, mess so that didn't concern me more than it usually does. He was clean shaven which I thought was a good sign but unwashed - again he has never been the most fragrant person so that also didn't worry me too much.

Anyway, that's it. I am worried about him both his physical and mental health. I understand advice given in the past that I should not intervene unless he asks me and I don't want to lose his trust by stepping in unwanted but after seeing him yesterday I am worried that he needs support he can't/won't access himself. WWYD?

[amillionyears]

You could speak to your own GP about him.
The GP should be able to give you some advice about what to do, or who to contact.

[domesticslattern]

Can you contact his daughter somehow?

[susanalbumparty]

Thanks for the replies. His daughter is tricky. They are semi-estranged. I think she keeps an eye on the property because she owns it but when it comes to anything else she is not that involved. She lives 250 miles away and doesn't come when there's a crisis on. I don't judge her, there is obviously a lot of water under the bridge.

I think I will call the GP and ask not to be named to my neighbour. The poor guy has withdrawn a lot from life/friends in the last few years due to trust issues. He used to go to the pub once a week for a night out but then became convinced people in there were spiking his drink with the meds he was supposed to be taking. I think me and dh are the last people he speaks to directly anymore. I worry that if he feels he can't trust us then he won't engage with anybody.

[gingeroots]

I think I would ring Social Services - there should be a duty SW you could speak to - and tell them what you've told us .
He may be known to them .
It does rather sound as though he's having an "episode " and that he's not well at the moment .

I think they have a special team dealing with vulnerable elderly ,or paricular procedures for that category .
Actually I think you can report on line if you google your local SS .

I take my hat off to you for taking an interest .
It must have been scary and distressing .