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Mental health

Cannot entertain four year old or myself.

3 replies

mummabug · 12/02/2013 16:17

I was wondering if anyone has the same sort of experience?
I got back together with my partner (and father of 4yo DD) last Summer, I live in a small town which he gave up his job and moved to, to live with us. He really struggled to find work in this tiny town, and I had not been able to work as a single mum - with no support whatsoever in childcare - for 3 years....so I immediately applied for a job as a barmaid which I LOVED.

DP however did not really enjoy being a stay at home Dad (and I didn't enjoy him in the role either - nothing organised/cleaned around house and DD running riot and turning into a brat because of his lack of structure/discipline with her). He was going out of his mind with boredom. No work for him here, so we decided he ought to look for a job (he is a welder) elsewhere. Two weeks later and he's moved an hour and a half away and living as a lodger local to his work. I have to leave my job as DD has just started pre school (3 hour morning sessions) and my mum (health visitor) advises me not to pull her out and chuck her in nursery.

Ooops - I forgot to mention, I am pregnant (due in April) and we decide it's fine, we can live separately in the week and he comes home at weekends. He takes my car as he can't afford to buy one and I decide I don't really need mine as most shops are in walking distance from my home.

Fast forward four months. I am bored. DD is bored. I have lost something. I am lethargic, I can't be bothered to play games with DD, I literally cannot remain interested or actually physically IN any sort of game play with her for more than two minutes. It's weird - like I can't bear to play on the level of a child, I literally have to stop and ask her to play by herself or make some sort of excuse.

I know I should be using this time, just like I used to do, dancing with DD, playing, teaching her how to do things with me. but everything has become a MASSIVE chore. I do find the energy/will to teach her things sometimes, let her cook with me etc. i just feel in a fog. I cannot bear this weather, it's so miserable and cold.

there were a lot of mornings last term where I did not take her to pre school as I couldn't face walking her there in the cold. I also feel sometimes it's a pain considering they only do three hour sessions, by the time youve got home you feel like its time to set off again to collect her.

I feel trapped without the car sometimes in this weather, I'd rather stay indoors than wonder the streets/take DD to park etc. Swimming pool and local large town require a car too.

I previously had huge issues with anxiety and depression. 10mg of Citalopram completely eradicated the anxiety, and along with it the associated depression, and I was thrilled. At the beginning of this pregnancy the docs put me up to 20mg of citalopram as I was very emotional and distressed regarding finances etc.

i am wondering if maybe the increase in dose has contributed to my lethargy/ not wanting to do anything.

A week or so again when the sun came out I felt great and energised and me and DD did lots. I'm not like this, in this fog, every day...just most of the time.

Every day the TV/laptop is on for DD as I just don't know what else to do. The weather is shit, and I wonder at how I can entertain her without the television for a solid five days a week til Daddy comes home......so the TV is on all the time.

I feel awful, today I asked DD if she would like to bake a cake, but then she spilled milk all over the table and I didn't let her get very involved as it was the first time I'd done the recipe and wanted to get it right. When I left the kitchen she stayed in there and started crying, and said she was staying away form me as I was being rude to her. This is not the real me. I am a shit mother and person at the moment. What has happened!?

I wish she had been born a month earlier in August, as she is more than ready for school and at least she would be entertained and with other kids.

I know two other mums in this town with kids, but their kids WERE born in August and have started school. Plus now I don't have the car i can't get to one of their houses.

Does anyone else feel similar to this sometimes? I have no clue what's happening to me. Sorry for the miserable rant.

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amillionyears · 12/02/2013 19:08

You have gone from working in a very social environment, to being isolated.
And you are pregnant.
And the weather isnt helping anyone.

Well first of all, this time will definitely pass.
A new baby will arrive.
And your DD will be at school shortly.

I remember when my eldest were more than ready for school, plus I had other younger ones, as being the worst time with the children, so you have my sympathies.

Not sure if I have helped or not.
For other ideas, it may well be worth posting in chat.

Not sure about the Citalopram
If you are ok when the weather is nicer, the Citalopram may not be the issue?

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mummabug · 12/02/2013 19:38

Thank you so much for your response. DD is now in bed, we had a nice time icing the cake and reading bed time stories, I feel slightly more positive...

You are right, the weather really isn't helping, glad to hear it's not just me! Thanks for your sympathies...it is hard when they are bored and more than ready for school isn't it!?

Looking forward to the Summer, hope we get a good one this year :/

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amillionyears · 12/02/2013 19:51

Summer with sunshine
Spring with sunshine
Sunshine please.

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