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Feel like something inside of me has shut down.

(9 Posts)

I know this & totally understand it in other people but in me it's unforgivable but I don't know why. I had a fairly complicated adolescence & wonder if that has something to do with it. I've had therapy but before I was a parent & wonder if becoming a parent myself has raised some issues.

The other problem I have is that my house is chaos & I have no idea how to sort it.

amillionyears Tue 12-Feb-13 16:13:08

It is not just normal to want time away from home, it is essential.

I've had depression all my adult life but it has spiked with both children. I was already on ADs when pregnant but the dose has increased after they've been born.

I think the majority of my problems come from the fact that I thought I'd be a real earth mother, but I'm not; I adore my boys but sometimes I can't wait to get away from them. I honestly thought I would be a real SAHM attached parent. I'm hoping counselling will help me come to terms with the guilt I feel over this. I know it's completely normal to want time away from the home but I can't seem to forgive the feelings in me.

snorkling Tue 12-Feb-13 15:20:50

I have the same problem; I can't get out. Yesterday was a good day. Before that I spent three weeks just at home. I spent in bed saturday and sunday. Well I tried , I felt so bad that I just walked around aimesly.

My treatment is just to wait sad. I am breastfeeding and I don't want to take the meds they prescribed. I would take senrtraline, but they won't describe it. I have tried to give formula to baby but she does not want it.

What kind of treatment you would like to get?

NanaNina Tue 12-Feb-13 13:45:07

Oh MrsBHB I can understand exactly how you feel as I have intermittent depression following a severe epsidoe, I can be ok for a week or so and the the depression descends and I feel flat, empty, unmotivated, don't want to see anyone,jump when the phone rings and just want to hide under my duvet. I think your description of being "shut down/switched" off is a very good way to describe this awful illness. It is only people who have first hand experience that will understand.

Could you have PND - when did you start taking the Prozac because AD meds take 2/3 weeks to kick in and when first taking them, they make you feel worse than ever. However they should be kicking in within 4 weeks and if not, then the GP will try another AD because they work differently on different people.

Have you got anyone who can help you care for the children while you are feeling so ill, any RL family or friends.

This think about wanting to disappear is exactly what I feel on my bad days, and I think of just walking and walking and sort of expiring - we want to get away from ourselves but of course that's not possible. Recovery from depression is a slow process and you have to be patient - but it will pass - 80% of depressed people make a full recovery in 4 - 6 months.

Keep posting if it helps. There is a lot of support on MN. IF it is PND you could re-name your post to include PND as I know lots of MNs suffer from the illness.

Take care and remember however unlikely it seems now, you will get better.

Branleuse Tue 12-Feb-13 13:34:35

just keep swimming

Thanks for replying. I saw my GP on Friday & he's already contacting them to expedite my appointment. I've slept all morning whilst DH went out with the boys but still feel shocking.

Part of the trouble is when I feel like this I really struggle to get out, I just don't want to leave the house. DS1 goes to nursery 2 days a week which does make things easier but it's still not enough, I just wish I could disappear for a week or two.

snorkling Tue 12-Feb-13 09:11:31

Join the club... been there for weeks. I have a baby and a toddler. You just have to think how to make things more manageable. Does the older one go to playgroup? Do you sleep well? I sleep alone with the baby in a big bed. OH moved to another room. Just prepare easy meals.

Somedays I am just so zombie and I do bare minimum. Too much telly for kids. but what can you do. I just want to die. Last weekend was so bad, but yesterday I was little bit better and actually went out smile

You can gp back to your GP's and they can call CMHT to see you earlier. (I did that)

I want to cry but can't. I feel like I'm shaking but I'm not.

Background story:
DS1 is 3 years old, DS2 is 4 months. On 60mg of Prozac a day & waiting for an appointment from CMHT.

I just feel shut down/switched off & have had to tell DH to stay home today as I really feel like I can't cope.

Not really sure why I'm posting here or what I want, I think I just wanted to get down how I'm feeling (or rather the fact that I'm not feeling anything).

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