OCD crisis dd due in 3 weeks

[barley2]

hello,
I just wanted some outside advice if anyone can give some. I've had OCD for 2 years, unfortunately it is about environmental contaminants and a long story has caused me to become afraid of a house we lived in and as a consequence We have moved twice. We bought a house 2 weeks ago again ( for other reasons) and something I didn't check out has caused me to have a major OCD/ anxiety attack and once again I am afraid of my new house to the extent I am avoiding coming home (I have 2 dc s and so this is awful).
I am expecting dc3 in 3 weeks and am now overwhelmed with depression and anxiety and feeling totally trapped. My GP has advised me to stay at my parents for a bit at least whilst dd is born which is possible but I feel so guilty about upsetting everyone including dc1 who will have to take a cab to school.
I know it's a long story and very personal but wondered if anyone has had OCD and can help.

[NanaNina]

Sorry Barley I don't have OCD but do have intermittent depression and it is severe, so I know the torment of that. I think the only thing you can do is to follow your GP's advice and stay with your parents at least until you have had the baby. Is it ok with your parents - I mean do you all get on all right.
What about your P or H, will he be staying at the new house. How old is DC1 who will have to get a cab to school. Is the other one a pre schooler.

I can truly and deeply empathise with you and recognise what a dilemma yu are in. Are you on meds for the dep/anx - have you had any therapy for the OCD, which I know can be hugely stressful. I can appreciate that you feel guilty for upsetting everyone and I know I can say to you "it isn't your fault you are ill" I know from bitter experience that one of the symptoms of depression is that we feel guilty, ashamed even and think that there is something that we should be able to do about it. My DP and friends twll me "it's not your fault" but it doesn't stop me feeling worthless, useless emotional wreck.

You do need as far as possible to keep as calm as you can for the birth of the baby, though I know that is going to be really difficult.

Sending warm wishes

[barley2]

Thank you for your kind and very thoughtful and helpful reply. I feel less guilty now and can also see my move out as putting my baby first. Dh will come too and although doesn't understand my illness at least can see it as an illness at the moment instead of closing down on me again.
I do get on with my parents but they have their own issues, one thing is my dc's are the centre of their world.
Thank you again for reading and responding and I hope that one day we will both be able to look back on our illnesses

[thunksheadontable]

Hi
I have OCD, technically it is "just" perinatal so related to health of my kids/baby but actually I've pretty much had avoidance issues about various random things my whole life.

What sort of treatment have you had, if any?

If it's any help, I was in a most AWFUL state prior to the birth of my little boy - constant imagery, strenuous avoidance of anything to do with babies - and though I had a lot of panic around and leading up to labour, once it started it all just left. I had been told this would happen. I had an amazing birth with no pain relief in the end and despite what all the books tell you about anxiety and pregnancy my son is the calmest, happiest, most pleasant baby the world has ever known.

[AgentZigzag]

I've had OCD all my life, and what you're experiencing sounds very intense. Having to move twice is pretty major isn't it?

(I was thinking about this earlier) mine's all about control over my environment, not in a contamination way, but in a way that gives me a measure of order and control over the area I live in, like it's reflecting what's in my head (if that makes sense).

But when I was reading through your OP I wondered if it was possible for you to find a way to make a small area of the house, safe?

Is it OK for me to ask what exactly it is which is making you so distressed?

What do you normally do to alleviate the stress? Like rituals or whatever?

If you could make one part of it feel OKish, then you could gradually work on other little bits? (of course it depends on why the house isn't alright for you).

A lot of OCD is feeling that whatever you do to try and get rid of the anxiety (mine's counting/balancing things out) just never seems enough, or you haven't done it properly, making it difficult to allow yourself to be comfortable.

I've had my whole life to come to terms with how to live with it, but having it for two years is much worse IMO because you know what it's like to live without the fucker.

Cut yourself some slack, you're heavily pregnant with hormones all over the shop, that's enough for anyone, let alone with the added penalty of OCD

Thankfully me and my OCD came as a package when I met DH, but I can imagine it is a bit of a bizarre thing to someone who hasn't encountered it before. It's concerning you don't feel fully supported by your DH though, in what way did he close down on you?

[NanaNina]

I don't want to be interferring (but I'm going to be!) You have so much knowledge on OCD Agentzigzag could you invite Barley 2 to PM you because she may not want to respond on the open forum. Sorry if I'm an interfering old git!!! No seriously you sound like there is nothing you don't know about OCD and I'm sure you could help Barley.

[AgentZigzag]

Not interfering at all Nana.

I wouldn't say I'm hugely knowledgeable, I tend to avoid reading or watching anything about it tbh, but I know what it feels like and how unnerving the doom laden thought processes can really mess with your head.

You'd be very welcome to PM me Barley, I'm relatively content living with mine now, but most of that is just avoiding stuff and accepting it as part of me because I think mine is genetic. If you've 'only' had it two years, you'd hope 'they' would be able to help you work towards phasing it out given time.

Don't feel you have to PM though but I'd be happy to chat.

[barley2]

Thank you to everyone- I'm sorry I don't know what PM is? I have had other versions of OCD and eating disorders in my life so I am aware that it is something that will come and go. I suppose I am just in a crisis especially at the moment as my fears involve my home and have been relatively under control until this move. My fears unfortunately centre around asbestos which is not an illogical fear but my reaction is that it petrifies me. The short answer is I was so sure the home I have bought didn't contain any but was too ashamed of my fear to get a survey and low and behold there was some in what was to be my daughter's bedroom. It has now coloured my whole view of the house and I cannot think of it as home especially as somewhere to cope with a new baby. I suppose I am sort of looking for affirmation that some time away from the house until I can face fighting my thoughts is ok

[NanaNina]

All you need to do barley to PM is look at the blue line that has your name and date and at the end of the line it says Add Message/Report/ Message Poster - so click on Message Poster for Agentzigzag and a box will come up saying it's from you to her and then you post your message. When she replies you will get an e mail to say Agentzigzag has sent you a PM and then you go on to MN and click on Inbox at the top of the screen and you will see the message.

[barley2]

Thank you Nananina for your help again xx

[Darwiniia]

I am very recent to Mumsnet.

Just so you know I have OCD and one type of OCD I do have is exactly what you have described. So please do not feel bad and/alone. I have also concern about asbestos and have had surveyors over to our house. Also I was having CBT last year and I mentioned my fear of asbestos and its affect on my family, my therapist said one of the recent fears many of her patients talk about is indeed the fear of asbestos. She said her colleagues have mentioned this too. I know this is not helpful at all but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone (not that this really helps you - really sorry). I wish I could be more helpful and provide you with more tools to deal with this.

[NanaNina]

Hi Darwin I'm sure Barley will be very glad to meet someone with exactly the same problem as hers........that's what so good about MN we always meet someone who has the same mental health problem and it really helps to know that we are not alone, and we are "talking" to someone who really understands. I don't believe anyone can understand mental illness unless they have first hand experience. Has the CBT been any help at all?

[Darwiniia]

Hi NanaNina...yes that is the amazing thing about MN. I absolutely understand what OP is talking about.

CBT helped me lots in the sense that the therapist actually diagnosed me with OCD so for me everything started to make sense. I thought I seeing things that have not happened (garage door has been left open even though I was staring at the garage for 5 minutes and it was closed, the gas was left on even though I had not turned it on for 2 weeks and it was shut at the mains, I hadrun over someone whilst driving eventhough the 2 passengers in the car were telling me I had not etc). So the CBT for me saved me in that respect. I then knew what I am dealing with. It all made sense then. Then we started exposure to things that scare me the most. I was not allowed to take pictures and check taps/windows/doors more than once. I was not allowed to ask my partner to do the checking on my behalf. Basically I had to do everything that scared me so that the exposure normalised things. It worked with some of them, it didn't work with others. It probably has to do with the fact that I had to stop the sessions as it was expensive. Unfortunately I was so desperate I was seeing the therapist privately.

I still battle with it...but some issues are less severe than before.

For what it's worth, the lady I was seeing told me I needed to realise which obsessions and compulsions were healthy and which were not. She said there are obsessions and compulsions that someone even without OCD would even worry about. She didn't have OCD but like me in public toilets she wouldn't touch taps. She said it was normal to worry that there may be germs there. She said it was unreasonable for even ppl without OCD to worry about the tap being left open. The difference between ppl with OCD is that they will stare for 5 minutes at the tap/touch it/take pics to reassure themselves whereas ppl without OCD would just pop there head into kitchen and see its off and leave.

Sorry this has turned into a lecture but the above are good points I did take away from it. I wish I could fully recover but i know it is about living with it and controlling it.

OP is the anyway to take steps to remove the asbestos? or get a surveyor to confirm that the asbestos is contained?