Depression - mother of dd's friend, how should I handle this?

[ZZZenAgain]

Spoke on the phone to the mother of one of dd's friends about 8 weeks ago to invite her dd to join us on a trip, she was in tears, told me she was depressed and she would call me when she could talk. She called tonight and asked us to visit her tomorrow. I don't know her very well, I have met her twice before briefly and she told me something of what she has been through.

I don't have any experience of depression but I am sure she will want to talk about what has been troubling her. From previous talks we have had, I know she was imprisoned and tortured as a young women for speaking against the govt, she lives away from her home country and cannot really go back. She is living in an amicable divorce arrangement and feels stressed with her dd's schooling because she feels "it is all on my shoulders". Recently her best friend, a man she has known for a long time died at an early age and she herself has pain from an operation which seems to have been botched.

Obviously she has a lot on her plate and I don't know her very well. If anyone has experience of depression, could you give me some advice on how I can best approach it so I don't end up making her feel worse? She has told me she has been seeing a therapist now for a few weeks and it is helping.

Due to the pain she cannot easily walk so we can only really chat at her home. I am worried that talking to me about it might bring it all up and make her feel worse.

[sooperdooper]

Firrst off, you sound like a lovely person to be so caring about how she's feeling, and I'm sure she will be grateful for you taking the time to listen

I would say just listen to her, ask her how she's feeling, encourage her to continue speaking to the therapist, it's great that she's already talking to someone like that

I'm sure you won't make her feel worse, it sounds like she just needs someone to talk to and sees you as a person who can listen

[ZZZenAgain]

ok thanks for that. I am a bit concerned that when she talks to me about it, I may leave her churned up and feeling worse, whereas the therapist knows how to listen and then I presume help you to leave the session at peace with yourself.

Yes, I think I will just listen to what she has to say.

[sooperdooper]

I think she'll just want you to listen, she won't expect you to have all the answers :)

[SirBoobAlot]

You sound like a wonderful friend, especially to someone you do not know very well. Make sure you take care of yourself as well, but if you can just be there to listen to her, and told her hand right now, then do so.

Encourage her to seek out professional help but if she had those experiences in her home country, she may well be cautious of it.

Don't worry about making her worse, you won't. Therapists are fantastic, but a friend with a pot of tea is always preferable.

[flossy101]

You sounds so lovely.

Maybe she just needs someone to talk to. She may feel isolated and need a friend. Just listening and being a shoulder to cry on is the best you can do for her.

Hope it goes ok

[ZZZenAgain]

Thanks, it went ok. It was a difficult conversation but really there is so much going on in her life atm and all of it is hard. I think it was her best friend dying of cancer recently which really pushed her over the edge and made it all too much to bear. I did feel a bit useless to help tbnh but we did manage to get in some laughs towards the end before I left but generally she looks so sad as if her whole face is drooping and it is hard work to push it back up into a smile. Just as we had to leave, her sister arrived, so that was good I think. I didn't realise her sister lived here or perhaps she is visiting but in any case I felt more comfortable knowing I wasn't leaving her on her own.

[BreastmilkNewYearLatte]

As others have said, you just sound wonderful.