i am due to see gp on wednesday after much begging from dh. im going to try and get as much down but i fear it wont make much sense.
i have suffered from depression on and off for years. over xmas i spent december constantly crying and had migraine headaches. im self employed with a retail business that looks set to close in nect few months. my mum was helping me through dec in the shop and when i would get upset id swear and shout at her which makes me feel shit.
i lose my temper so quickly, i feel like two people sometimes. i can be fine one minute then shouting at the dc for no good reason. i constantly threaten to leave dh. i feel like i habe always been like this. quick to lose my temper like a flicked switch, but in the same breath i can lose it amd return to normality just as quick.
when in a state of anger i have conversations of real anger and hatred in my head. then have to almost snap myself out of it to realise its not real.
im ashamed to say i have massive debts, about 7grand at the minute. dh only knows about 2 of it. ive been bailed out of nearly 15grands worth of debt by my parents (i have always paid it back) in the last 10 years. its like i have no self control and just think i'll worry about it later.
im also ashamed that from about 19 years i slept with anyone that showed a spark of interest in me. im so disgusted in myself. again my dh knows nothing of this. ive always had issues with how i look. this past year ive lost nearly 3stone thinking it may help me with my body issues bit if anything its made them worse. my stomach and boobs make me feel sick, it
think if anything i look worse thin than i did fat.
my marriage is close to ending. i have no desire to slerp with my dh and go from being completely in love with him to wanting to leave him.
im seeking help now because i hate the way i am around my children. they dont deserve to be shouted at, im scared if i say all this to my gp my beautiful children will be taken away. ive contemplated suicide but the thought is gone as quickly as it comes, i could never do that to my children.
what is wrong with me?
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Mental health
depressed or bipolar im a mess.
10 replies
hellokittybaby · 14/01/2013 20:08
OP posts:
MrsWolowitz ·
15/01/2013 18:58
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MrsWolowitz ·
16/01/2013 09:04
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