Cant cope anymore. Want to die.

[Anxiouswoman]

Cant deal with the anguish in my head anymore. Anxiety has got so bad that I have permanent stress headache and even got panicky trying to choose a jumper this morning to put on. Got in the car with 2 yr old ds and got to car park, was trying to straighten car up in space and dh told me to stop lining the car up going back and foward. Then I replied angrily, ds cried and dh said well done mummy to me because everything is my fault. Dh and I ignored each other all round town, then when we got home he went up to bed and left me to feed ds.

I feel like my head is going to split apart. I feel like all I do is tear myself to pieces in my head and feel disgusted when I look in the mirror. I imagine getting shot in my stomach and dying or disembowling myslf. The pain is too much. I feel like some incompetent idiot and a rubbish mother, even though I try and do activities with my son and ztell him I love him.

I keep staring into space and feeling like I am going mad.

[porridgelover]

anxious, I cant pass by without commenting.

As beertricks says, go to your GP and tell them how you are feeling.
Is your DH normally insensitive, or has he any idea how you are feeling?

Everything is not your fault. Your DS adores you and will never understand if you leave him.

[aPirateInaPearTree]

op i am so sorry you feel so so low. please go to the gp. i have had help this way, and it DID help. you are not the first nor the only one to feel this way. xxxx

[keekeeblue]

Please, please go and see your GP. Your family love you and need you. You are poorly at the moment and need help. If you can't get an appointment today try calling MIND or the Samaritans. Thinking of you.

[HellesBelles396]

Ditto the advice : see your GP asap.

Also, if you're feeling anxious and DH feels like commenting on your driving, get him to drive. That gives you a few minutes down time.

I tried to kill myself a few years ago and, afterwards, was completely taken aback by how it affected those around me. Your feelings are the depression talking. The fact you're concerned about your ds shows you're a good mum so he needs you around.