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Driving away

(1000 Posts)
Pumble Fri 28-Dec-12 00:52:13

I don't know where to post this and don't know what to do. I'm sitting here crying again with my 5 week old dd2 and just know that the best thing I could do for both of my girls is to get in the car and drive. If dd2 ever goes to sleep that is what I must do. I won't be leaving them alone and it will break my heart but it's what will be best for them. They deserve so much better than the useless failure of a mother they have.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to feel less alone

magimedi Thu 27-Jun-13 13:38:46

Hi Pumble - How's things?

Pumble Thu 27-Jun-13 21:02:20

Hi! I was having a pretty good week and had a lovely day with the pumblettes today, with pumblett 1 constantly asking for big hugs which was just lovely but the in-laws have just made the week come crashing down with a bump....

Mr P is out for the evening and just to annoy them, I actually picked up the phone when the in-laws rang... It turns out the reason that they didn't pick up the phone when Mr P rang on Monday evening was because they were at the funeral of Mr P's Aunt (I'm sure that is who it was - I get very confused by it all but am pretty sure she was married to his dad's half brother) who died a few weeks ago..... Would you not tell your son this? Did they not think that he might want to be in touch with his cousins to let them know he is thinking of them, did they not think that he might want to be at the funeral for himself, or for the rest of the family? What is wrong with these people? He is going to be upset when I tell him as he always talked of her fondly. Not only that, the funeral was in Surrey and they could easily have seen us on the way or way back but I'm sure the reason they didn't is because they didn't want him (or possibly more importantly me) at the funeral. I just don't understand how they could do this. We will be sending a card to the cousins saying how sorry we are and how sorry we were not to be at the funeral, but we weren't told until afterwards as I'm not having his parents spreading lies saying we didn't want to go but still... I just don't understand them as people. And it's just struck me, his dad asked about Pumblett 1 but not Pumblett 2 - interesting. They just make me so bloody cross. I don't understand them. Why are they like this?

Sorry, that was a rant, but I'm so angry and am hoping ranting here will help....!

Wylye Thu 27-Jun-13 22:20:05

Ranting always helps! Rant away.
Why on earth wouldn't they tell him - how thoughtless. Esp as it was weeks ago, its not like they haven't had opportunity. I hope he isn't too upset when he finds out. sad Gits. angry

I hope it doesn't ruin the week for you - you're doing brilliantly!

PS I shall change my dreadful NN for your next thread (assuming you want to start another in 72 posts time?!), so keep chatting to us and we'll get there quicker! wink

magimedi Thu 27-Jun-13 22:23:20

Ranting here always helps. Deffo!

In Laws sound like a bunch of total tossers. Don't let them get you down - you'll never change them, you just have to live with them as little as you can organise/get away with.

But, if the IL's are your biggest gripe of the week (& they are a HUGE gripe) that's still good news for me to read!

(((xxx)))

Pumble Thu 27-Jun-13 23:19:11

Well, if your NN will be changed for the next thread, I will just have to waffle a lot to get there more quickly wylye I am pondering what I should call the next thread - you don't get rid of me when we hit 1000 posts!!

I did have a thought about why they didn't tell us... His sister would have been told and would want to go and seeing as she doesn't speak to us, I guess they didn't want to upset her! She tends to take priority over Mr P at all times!

I'm trying to put it to the back of my mind (and am quietly patting myself on my back for not yelling at them for not telling us...) but know it will rear its head tomorrow evening when Mr P phones them.... Although on the plus side, if we're not important enough to tell things like deaths in the family, presumably there's no need to make the summer visit....

Wylye Thu 27-Jun-13 23:39:08

They really do take the biscuit don't they. Well done for remaining civil!
Fingers crossed you can get IL duties down to birthday and Xmas cards.

How about "Not driving away" for the next thread? Simple and true! smile xx

magimedi Fri 28-Jun-13 08:46:58

How about "Not driving away" for the next thread?

Brilliant idea!

You can choose your friends but you are lumbered with family.

Try not to let them get you down, Pumble. You've got two gorgeous Pumblettes & Mr P - you are so much luckier than them.

Pumble Fri 28-Jun-13 13:23:14

I like 'not driving away' - excellent idea!

I think Mr P is going to confront them about it tonight but he is so much more tranquil than me I'm not sure how it will go...!

We only stay in touch because of the girls but I am really wondering why to be honest. It's not like they seem to value the girls at all and clearly don't like the way we bring them up.

At least my family more than make up for it smile and they are the ones missing out not us!

Pumble Fri 28-Jun-13 21:42:26

Well... They said that it didn't cross their minds that Mr P would want to know... Is it me or is that odd? His father then said it was partly due to the 'metaphorical distance' between his parents and said Aunt.... (of which we knew nothing and had always in the past been led to believe they were close). We also found out that his cousin has cancer but again they didn't see why we would want to know! They aren't close but he'd still like to have been told. It did strike me as I was bathing the pumblettes tonight (it's funny when things come to you) that they seem to have a 'metaphorical distance' with all of their relatives... You would think that at some point they might have begun to think it was them and not the rest of the family that was the problem wouldn't you?

What made me most angry was that their solution to Mr P being upset was to throw money at us to go towards the car we have just had to buy (we weren't going to mention the car at all but his father mentioned the old one). I really don't want to accept their money as I know that it is just to make themselves feel better but on the other hand it will really help and make life less stressful for us and therefore by default the pumblettes so feel we have no choice. Grrrr. Better win the lottery so we can give it back..... grin

Oh well, at least they go away on holiday tomorrow so we can just forget about them for a bit!

rowrowrowtheboat Fri 28-Jun-13 21:45:26

Evening Pumble. Glad to here your CBT is soon to start. sorry to hear about the in laws. Sounds a little thoughtless, maybe it simply didn't occur to them to call with the news, rather than deliberately note tell you. I have a relative who assumes we know stuff, but we wonder how else we could get the news other than through said relative. Telepathy probably. Make the most of your family and friends who do revel in being in your family's company, and maybe your in laws will want more of it too in time. Keep the door open for them.

Hope the conversation has gone ok tonight.

Love the name of the next thread too.

Ps just had a week without DH, I am shattered. Double hats off to you for all the times you've had a run of being home alone.

rowrowrowtheboat Fri 28-Jun-13 21:46:56

Cross post! Sorry.

rowrowrowtheboat Fri 28-Jun-13 21:49:18

Sounds to me like they don't think to tell you, rather than thinking about telling you and deciding not too. Slightly different and still frustrating, but as I said, I can see it based on my relative.

Pumble Fri 28-Jun-13 21:52:15

Wise words rowrow - leaving the door open is sensible, but it doesn't stop it being bloody hard at times! Thankfully we have a long weekend with my parents next weekend to look forward to!

First CBT appointment is a fortnight today - fingers crossed.

And, hope you get some time off this weekend to catch up on sleep, do something yourself etc (am assuming your DH is back)! smile

rowrowrowtheboat Fri 28-Jun-13 21:56:57

It is sooo good to have something to look forward to. I don't see my parents very often as they are quite a distance away and so look forward to being with them. Bet the pumblettes will love it too.

Sounds like you had a good week upto your news. Hopefully your weekend will be good too.

I have sme time tomorrow while DH catches up with kids. Not sure what I am doing yet, may go for cake and coffee, tough I have been invited to go shopping with MIL!

Pumble Sat 29-Jun-13 15:01:01

Hope you all have a lovely sunny afternoon too. smile

Really enjoying watching pumblette 1 cause chaos with a hose. Simple things!! smile

rowrowrowtheboat Sun 30-Jun-13 15:48:36

And today! Hope you are having a fun afternoon.

Pumble Mon 01-Jul-13 11:24:04

So I was told I'd have to wait at the garage for one hour. Turns out its all day....how to entertain pumblettes?!

Wylye Mon 01-Jul-13 13:58:47

Argh! Where's the garage, in a town or near anything useful?
If its really all day, can you possibly get a cab somewhere?
What a colossal PAIN!

We've just spent the morning at Cliveden, where DS was 90% bitey hitty scratchy pushy, and 100% screamy. Fun fun fun. The other 10% he was an absolute sweetheart, but that didn't really help.
Home now and sleeping his anger off, fingers crossed he wakes up happy! xx

Pumble Mon 01-Jul-13 18:39:57

Garage was in the middle of nowhere on a dual carriageway.... Thankfully they let us go after three hours and stickers and colouring worked until then! We have to go back but I think that might be mr p's job!!!

You visited Cliveden on one of the few days we weren't there wylye it's our favourite place to pass time as so close. Sorry it wasn't as peaceful and fun as it might have been. Did the sleep lead to a happier afternoon? Fingers crossed. smile

Wylye Mon 01-Jul-13 22:37:30

Yup, sounds like Mr P will def be doing the next run! That was rather crap of them, they should've offered you a courtesy car for springing that on you.

Yes, DS had a loooong three hour nap, all better now. I just find his behaviour very stressful, I'm on edge the whole time, makes me feel very overwhelmed. It was nice to have some down time while he napped, naps are few and far between these days!
Cliveden was lovely, the playground there is fab, and DS loved watching the fish and ducklings. If only I had a car eh!

Pumble Tue 02-Jul-13 14:27:43

How's your DS today wylye ? More settled? Hope you're having a better day and feeling less on edge. smile I can see how it can be overwhelming though.

We had a great morning at Cliveden today but Pumblette1 is refusing to sleep despite being on her knees with exhaustion.... At least she's lying in bed I suppose...!

Wylye Tue 02-Jul-13 18:49:10

Yes thanks, much calmer! He's been hassling me for strawberries all day after DH brought a massive punnet home yesterday - I wouldn't be surprised if he turned into a blooming strawberry he's eaten that many! smile

All ok here, off to visit family tomorrow.

Hope P2 hasn't been tetchy this afternoon after her nap refusal. DS didn't nap either, so I've got my fingers crossed for an easy bedtime for both of us!

magimedi Tue 02-Jul-13 20:18:00

Just checking in - well remember DS hassling me for strawberries.

Wylye & Pumble - you both sound so much more 'upbeat'. Hold on to that feeling, lovely ladies.

Off back to work (watching Wimbledon - someone has to do it grin )

Pumble Tue 02-Jul-13 21:30:17

Glad you had a better day wylye. How many strawberries were eaten in the end?!!

Early to bed for the girls which was nice but friend just cancelled plans for tomorrow and pumblette 1 was so excited about it and will wake up talking about it....grrrr! Need some new, exciting plans and fast!

Hope you have a great time away wylye and everyone enjoys the sunshine smile

Wylye Tue 02-Jul-13 23:05:36

Strawberries in his porridge, strawberries for snacks all day long, strawberries for pudding this evening... Who knows how many he's consumed! smile We somehow managed to leave a few for DH.
I had a summer job picking strawberries in my youth and quite possibly ate as many as I packed, he clearly takes after me. <proud>

Hope you find something fun to do tomorrow! xx

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