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Mental health

Obsessive thoughts

10 replies

bigbangdreary · 11/12/2012 23:58

I've never posted on the mental health board before but am having obsessive thoughts that are distressing me and I'm not sure what to do.

It sounds stupid, as I'm virtually an atheist but these thoughts center on religion. I have horrible, blasphemous thoughts that frighten me. I've had this on and off throughout my life and normally comes hand in hand with a period I'm feeling stressed out or suffering from a bit of depression or anxiety. I can't remember how I've got over them before but I have in the past been on beta blockers, ADs and diazepam at different times so maybe it's been them working that's helped. I'm not feeling depressed at the moment although I know if this starts to spiral out of control I'll end up with panic attacks.

This is the first time I've ever admitted this to anyone. I did try once with a gp years ago but he just dismissed what I was trying to tell him. I'm ok during the day, providing I don't have to attend a church or anything (I had a panic attack at a christening a couple of weeks ago and had to leave the building sharpish) or watch a movie with religious connoctations or posts on some people's facebook etc . As soon as night time hits the thoughts start and I find sleeping impossible. The last while I've been getting about two/three hours sleep a night and the only way I can achieve eventually going to sleep is by checking out all the silly threads on mn and trying to distract myself and fill the chatter in my head with other people's until I eventually fall asleep with my phone in my hand.

I don't know what to do. I find it impossible to talk to anyone about this. Kind of like I'm frightened of putting into words what my thoughts are. I'm scared the gp would think me crazy if I did manage it or he would think I'm an awful person. I have a ten week old and really need to be sleeping when I can at night as she doesn't during the day and it's tough looking after her with virtually no sleep.

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clementine123 · 12/12/2012 00:06

hi honey
you do need to see a doc , i had very scary thoughts a few months ago and I was scared to be alone with myself in case I did anything silly as I had been severly depressed.THe docter prescribed some drugs and I feel the phase past.
It could get worse so definately see someone , dont be scared,, hope it works out

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bigbangdreary · 12/12/2012 00:17

I know rationally I should but I find the thoughts so frightening and shameful I don't know if I can put it into words to anyone. It's taken a lot for me to even post the basics here and acknowledge it in some way.

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BCBG · 12/12/2012 00:26

This is OCD, our and simple, and I hope someone willl ome along who can help you more than I can, but clementine is right, you need to see your GP. OCD is ANY sort of sticky thought, most often to do with germs or harming but yours is still quite common - I know because I had it for many years before CBT for 18 months helped me through. The good news is that it can be dealt with and you are not going mad, the thing is that you do need to seek help first. x

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bigbangdreary · 12/12/2012 00:40

I thought OCD was defined as having compulsions too? I'm not aware of having any compulsions myself.

Thank you both for reading and posting. I did have CBT myself years ago for anxiety and panic attacks and I know it did help.

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WithanAnotE · 12/12/2012 08:20

It is possible, and quite common, to only have the obsessional part of OCD.
The good news is you're not crazy or bad because of it, and it is a lot more common than you think. I struggle with obsessive thoughts too. ADs help as does realizing that its ok to have these thoughts, and it doesn't mean that you will act on them. Also, don't try to think of something to counteract the thought as that will make it worse.
See link www.rcpsych.ac.uk/expertadvice/problems/obsessivecompulsivedisorder/obsessivecomplusivedisorder.aspx

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BCBG · 12/12/2012 10:13

Thanks WithanAnotE Grin I knew someone would explain better! OP, I really hope you can talk to your GP about this because it's much more common than you would think, and my obessional thoughts lasted for years until I sought proper help. CBT took longer than I expected but twelve years on its the best thing I ever did.

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bigbangdreary · 14/12/2012 23:46

Thank you. I did check this a couple of days ago but haven't had a chance to post.

I really didn't think you could have the obsessional part only WithanAnotE after all the title OCD has compulsions in it. I know I do have a habit of saying 'stop it, stop it, stop it' repeatedly until I feel like I can push the thoughts out enough. Have to then get up and walk about and shake my hands like an anxiety attack. Reading the link I know I do the whole avoidance. I have tried in the past to use alcohol to get rid of it but know it visits me threefold the next day so not worth the brief escape.

Yes I'm going to make an appointment with the gp. I'm getting worse in that it's the no sleep is affecting my mood and I'm starting to get down too.

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WithanAnotE · 15/12/2012 07:01

Good for you BBD on deciding to go see the doc! Xmas Smile
For me even just the realisation that lots of other people suffer from this, and that there are effective treatments out there, really helped me feel a little better about myself, even before treatment!
Although I suffer primarily from depression, ADs and CBT have pretty much nailed this sucker for me, and I am a lot more at ease with myself and my thoughts.
I am sure that the outcome for you will be equally positive Xmas Wink.

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bigbangdreary · 16/12/2012 22:18

It's made me feel a bit a bit better in that I didn't expect anyone to understand what on earth I was talking about.

I'm beginning to wonder if I don't have a bit of pnd. Only difference is this this time the thoughts have hit me first. I stayed in my mums last night because I'd had enough and company helps as I'm a lp. Thoughts stayed on the outskirts, still there but trying not to acknowledge, but sleep was still a nightmare waking up every half hour and had an anxiety attack on the way over. I used to self harm so I'm really not wanting to ever get to that stage again.

How does CBT work for thoughts and depression? I did CBT years ago (about ten years + ago) for panic attacks and honestly can't barely remember half of it. Remember having to fill in a diary, talking about triggers and listening to a tape but that's about it. In saying that I haven't had a proper panic attack in years so it must have worked Grin

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BCBG · 17/12/2012 17:57

Im not qualified to help, other than as a former sufferer, (also had PND) but the best thing about CBT was that it helped me to realise that when I am tired, or unwell, I become anxious, my world view become skewed, the anxiety makes me hyper vigilant, and ....at that point I would always have a OCD attack, which then became self perpetuating. Now, I am able to recognise the signs, and generally I just go to bed. Lack of sleep is a very good indicator of anxiety rather than depression, and OCD is more usually linked to anxiety as it involves the brain getting into a 'loop' and staying there. Other triggers for excessive anxiety can include hormonal imbalance, so PND is also likely. Please be reassured that all of us on this thread have been there and that we DO understand! Please talk to your GP as well x

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