Fear I have depression, what do I do, how can I feel better?

[Chickchickola]

The last few weeks I've gradually been getting worse, crying every day, have very little pleasure in things and just feel full of fear for the future / a feeling of dread. I feel worthless and guilty for feeling like it.

I have an amazing new daughter and best DH in the world.

My main issue is being made redundant and not wanting to work in the same field anymore. I just don't know what to do and don't have a career so to speak of. I want to give my DD so much in life but worry about finances.

My DH says that we should dip into our savings to supplement his salary allowing me to be a SAHM for the next couple of years but I fret about being out the workplace. He says he will support me if I want to retrain (but I don't want to get into debt), he will support me if I want to try and find work, or as I said stay at home. I just feel sick with worry.

I don't want to cry anymore but I can't stop.

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

How old is DD? It sounds like you may have PND.

Can you speak to your HV? They see this all the time and they can help you.

[Chickchickola]

12 weeks but it is all related to work, career and finances and not her, she is the most amazing thing in my life!

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

Did you feel this way before you had her? Even before you were pregnant?

Having PND doesnt always mean the feelings must be centered around the baby!

Congratulations by the way :)

[LiquidLunch]

I'm sure it is work related, if that's how you feel.

But the pregnancy and the hormones may have kicked off the depression iyswim.

And your outlook on life changes hugely when you have a child. Particularly your first. So if you have been made redundant, then your worries will be focused on that.

Depression or low mood, is a physical imbalance of chemicals in the brain so it is something that can be rectified relatively easily (in most cases)

When I felt like you do I web to the drs and was given a prescription. I felt like a failure. But let me tell you, within a month or two my whole outlook on life, and my moods started to change.

And within 6 months I was a different person.

With mess and counselling and dealing with my worries/issues I came off my meds a few years ago and feel so much better.

How you feel won't last forever. But you need to get help to change the way you feel. I'd go to the gp.

Congratulations on your baby and its great you have good support from your dh.

Good luck x

[NanaNina]

Hello Chick I agree with LL - it does sound as though you are depressed and prolonged bouts of crying are just one of the symptoms of this horrid illness. I know from first hand experience the torment of this illness.

The root of depression is almost always loss of some kind, not necessaril y a breavement but any kind of loss. Also PND could be the cause, even though you love your new daughter. (It's like falling in love isn't it!) It doesn't really matter about the cause - the thing is to get better. If you just leave it, it will probably get worse.

I know it doesn't seem like it, but you are fortunate to have a lovely DH who wants you to stop work for a while and live on your savings - best thing ever, and why wouldn't you want to spend the first few years bringing up your daughter. You say you want to give DD "so much in life" and do you know what is the best thing you can give her - one to one love and care for the first 3 years of her life, as this lays down the foundation for the rest of our lives. Never again in a child's life will they learn as much as they do in the first 3 years. I know i might have lots of moms disagreeing with me, but I know that what I'm saying is right. It has been proven that changes in the pathways of the brain are made in those early years, that are never changed, dependent on the care they receive. My own grandchildren are in day care and I can't do or say anything about that but there is a lot of research to prove my point.

Sorry I've gone off mental health. You need to go to the GP asap and tell him/her how you are feeling - you won't be telling himor her anything they haven't heard dozens of times before. They will probably prescribe meds and they can be very effective, although they do take 2/3 weeks to kick in.

It's no use me telling you not to feel guilty because we all do - and worthless and hopeless and ashamed - they are the symptoms of depression and anxiety (which is the medical name for fear) also it is related to the stigma that is still alive and well.

Sending warmest wishes and please believe this willpass and there will be brighter times ahead and then you can reach out to others inthe same position.

[HellesBelles396]

Go to the GO's sooner rather than later - the longer your depression goes untreated, the more ingrained the depression becomes and the harder it is to work through. Trust me on this because I was too scared to get help.
You don't need (by the sound of it) to make a decision about your future right this minute so get your treatment, wait a couple of months for it to make a difference and then make a decision.

[Chickchickola]

Thanks for all the nice replies.

I'm finding each day harder and harder. I lie awake all night worrying about the future and spend most of the day in tears.

I went to the GP but she said she wanted me to see a post natal specialist before she prescribed me anything as I am breast feeding and we aren't actively preventing TTC#2 (ideally would like 18-24 month age gap but if something happened sooner it would be fine, although EBF so unlikely at present). She referred me and my HV also did a second referral but I haven't heard anything yet.

I feel so low, I hate myself for feeling like this. I can't stop obsessing about the future and how shit my career prospects / current job situation is at present.

[Hoophopes]

When my ds was 12 weeks old I was sleep deprived, facing redundancy also - it was incredibly stressful. I was offered medication from gp (was bf also), then saw a psychiatrist to say what medication could help when breastfeeding. When the job situation was sorted and had a job for next 12months guaranteed and my ds was sleeping more at night and I was more active post c-section it was amazing how much better I felt.

Saying that to say, when situation sorted things may drastically improve. You could ask hv to refer you to home start if you need more support with your dd or ask for a worker form sure start to visit you - although if your issues are more work related that might not be so helpful.

[HellesBelles396]

I had a sure-start volunteer visit me when my son was a baby (my PBS went undiagnosed for years) and it was brilliant because knowing she was coming made me get dressed and made me clean the house. having company brought me out of myself. she was very supportive and encouraging so I felt more confident about my parenting. definitely worth looking into. she made such a difference to me.

re gp, the referral should be expedited so hassle them if you don't get an appointment quickly, alternatively, self-refer.

[HellesBelles396]

PND not PBS - auto-spellchecker

[JingleJohnsJulie]

There are ADs you can take whilst bfing. Speak to the BFN drugline before going back to your GP. Unfortunately many HCPs aren't really clued up about what to prescribe when you are bfing and the BFN can advice you on what is safe and what is not.

Also, have you thought about CBT? I had a course of ADs and CBT when I was bfing and they really, really helped.

Know you say that its not PND but I agree that your change in hormones might relate to your current state. Also many sufferers of PND have a fantastic bond with their LOs. Have a read of this and see what you think. Also, how was the birth? Did you experience any birth trauma?

Have a look at this book and give the APNI a call. I know you say that its not PND (or Post Natal Illness) but they are specifically trained and have expereinced PNI so are probably best to advice you wheither it is PNI or not that your are experiencing .

[JingleJohnsJulie]

Oh and don't worry about TTC at the moment. You are the priority right now and if you are bfing babies are naturally spaced around 2 years anyway.

Have a read of Bfing and Fertility on Kellymom, but like I say, getting you into a better place should be the priority right now. Your lovely new DD doesn't need material things, she just needs you .

[Chickchickola]

Hi

Thanks for the links. Reading the one on PND describes me perfectly. I just feel so low and without any hope for the future, it feels so bleak.

I've read up on CBT and just don't see how it would help but will ask my GP about it.

My main concern about ADs is that they can make you feel worse before they make you feel better. Also I worry that once I start it will be hard to come off them.

Getting a new job would solve things but I don't feel ready to put my baby into nursery care yet, she is still so young and I wanted to wait until she is 9 months at least (and financially don't need to ... If I dip into my savings to live I can wait until she is 3).

I did have a traumatic birth experience but I feel okay about that now.

[Chickchickola]

Oh and thanks for the KellyMom link, we are just not preventing at present but I would worry about not preventing while taking ADs just in case.

[HellesBelles396]

Most women do stop releasing eggs while bfing but not all. I know several women who became pregnant while bfing so, if you don't feel you can cope with another pregnancy at the moment, you should use some sort of bc. Condoms do not affect bfing though, of course, they're horrendous.

[glastocat]

What everyone else said, it really sounds like PND to me. Please go back to your doc, PND is treatable and curable, you do not have to feel like this. I had it too, and got very ill because I didn't get treatment soon enough. What really helped me, apart from the drugs, was learning to treat myself with gentleness and kindness, learning to let go a little and realising the world would keep spinning if I got off the rat race for a bit to let myself get better. I did mindfulness meditation, went for a daily walk, slept a lot, got help with the baby and the housework, and the cloud just started to lift. It was the worst time of my life before I got treated though, I really feel for you, please reach out for help, people will be happy to, really!

[JingleJohnsJulie]

Know that you feel sceptical about CBT but the research says that it is just as effective at treating PNI as ADs. When I was depressed I was prescribed ADs and was bfing plus a course of Mindful CBT. It really did help and although I was a bit sceptical I think it was the CBT that turned me around. Why not phone the BFN drugs helpline and talk through which ads are ok when bfing. CBT is worth asking for too. It could really help and what's the worse that can happen? If you give it a couple of sessions and really don't like it you can tell the therapist and they will just stop.

Please give the APNI a call too, they have all been through exactly what you are experiencing and are there waiting for your call

I know you say that you are over your birth trauma but PNI and birth trauma can be so closely linked that I think it is worth reading a couple of stories on their website before deciding whether or not to give them a ring.

And I know that your thoughts are constant and about the future (before I had the CBT mine were like tape on a constant loop)but you need to find a way to stop worrying about your career and how long you will be at home for, your priority at the moment should be getting better.

If I were you I'd ring the BFN and go back to the GP on Monday morning, is there someone who could go with you?

[scottishmummy]

no one can diagnose online,go see gp
talk through how you're feeling,any recent triggers
eat well, regular walks and cut self some slack you've had two significant life events, baby, redundancy

[JingleJohnsJulie]

Totally agree with you on all points scottish and also think its important to know which drugs are ok when bfing, if that's the course the op and GP think are best and to keep your mind open about other treatments too.