Need to talk

[GreatBallsofFluff]

I'm off work with anxiety, stress and depression at the moment. I'm on 20mg of citalopram which I was prescribed back in July, but stupidly stopped taking them around October time. I'm back on them now and I'm feeling terrible within myself. I just dropped DD at school, and the only thing that stopped me from crashing my car is the thought of someone having to tell DD that her mummy is dead, and that's the only thought that has kept me going so far.

I don't have anyone to talk to. My mum and I aren't close close to talk to IYKWIM, and I had a falling out with my best mate at the weekend. I asked if a couple of work mates could meet up for lunch but they're busy, which is fair enough but in my head that is just total rejection. I want to cut myself for the pain and release but again I can't bear the thought of DD seeing the cuts and wondering what they are. I felt terrible yesterday as I was holding back the tears, but she seemed to be actively trying to cheer me up . She's only 7, it's not her responsibility to cheer me up, it should be the other way round. I'm such a crap mother . I want to climb into bed and just drink myself away so I don't think about all this

[notsofrownieface]

Hello, you are not a crap mother. Far from it. I started 20mg of Citalopram in July too, and am about to go back to the doctors tomorrow because the awful feeling are coming back. I am drinking a lot but I know that the drink is contributing to the anxiety. But I am drinking because the awful anxiety came back.

Is it possible for you to go back to the doctors? Are you doing the talking therapy? Or is there a chance that you could do this?

Just keep talking on here. Someone will be here to listen.

[GreatBallsofFluff]

I'm going back to the doctor next week before I'm due to go back to work. I'm not doing any therapy at the moment, although the doctor mentioned it last time. I feel like I don't have the time to do it in my normal life.

[StandYourGround]

Will the citalopram have had time to 'kick in' properly yet? I felt godawful for the first 6 weeks of taking prozac, but after that things rapidly improved and I felt almost like myself again. It may be a case of having to hold on for just a bit longer so the tablets can get to work again.

Just try to take each day as it comes, just do the things that you have to, and no calling yourself a shit mum etc (although I know exactly how you feel, I was just the same when ill) it's not your fault, and you need to be gentle with yourself so you can get better.

I found I had bugger all energy to play with dd(6yrs), so we did lots of drawing, colouring, I read to her, and watched dvd's. Because that's what I could manage! It did my dd no harm and I'm sure you won't either.

Hope you feel better soon.

[fourbears]

How long have been back on the citalopram? If there's been time for it to work, about four weeks, it might be that the dose needs to go up. When I had PND my dose had to go up to 30 then 40mg before I felt better. Please remember the Samaritans are always there to listen and talk. I have phoned them and they really do help. Sending you a (((hug))) x

[Pancakeflipper]

When did you go back on the citalopram? Initially you feel worse before better. And 20 is a low dose. So it could be you just needing the meds to settle ( taking them at night can help some people as you sleep through whilst your body adjusts to them).
Or it could be that you are not on the right meds yet.

I know it's frustrating but as already said, take it a day at a time. In fact break it down further to morning, afternoon, evening. If you have a good morning brill. If the afternoon is crap, don't despair and let it cloud everything. as you had a good morning and might have a good evening.

Be totally honest with your GP. Don't do the " oh I am ok". Tell them what is really happening and how you really feel.
It's really tough but you will improve. It's just so damn slow....

[GreatBallsofFluff]

Thank you all for your kind messages.

I'm feeling better than last week. I haven't been back on the citalopram for long (two weeks) so I think when I wrote this it was just kicking in.

I've been in contact with work during my time off (in fact one boss has been very supportive and 'fighting my corner' as it were) and have been informed that when I go back my workload will have reduced to help with the stress.

It has been a case of taking each day at a time, but hopefully it will get better soon.

Thank you again for your messages, it helps to be able to write things down and know there is someone out there listening.

[MaggieMaggieMaggieMcGill]

Keep us updated and remember once you have started taking them you should stay on them for a minimum of six months or you could actually end up making your depression worse! Also you should not be drinking as the alcohol invalidates their effectiveness!