I'm going to bed and the only thing I truly want is to not wake up tomorrow.
I've got plenty to wake up for, a loving OH and family, but it all looks meaningless and they'd be better off without me dragging them down anyway, especially OH.
I've not had a great year, I became estranged from my father, have struggled to find stable work all year and my mother has depression so I worry about her and her finances a lot. I love my OH but don't feel anything in our relationship - I just know the feelings are there, if that makes sense.
I used to be a rather bad self harmer but for OH and family I can't do it anymore but desperately desperately want to.
I'm clearly useless as my jobs keep crumbling around me (issues that aren't my fault but it keeps happening and surely can't be a coincidence anymore. Probably just excuses to get rid of me)
I feel tearful and panicky a lot and just wish I could hide in bed all day.
Sorry to moan, not very nice to read but it seems good to get it out instead of pretending everything is grand.
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Mental health
I realised that I just don't want to wake up anymore
16 replies
NotAChocolateRaisin · 23/11/2012 23:12
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