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Really struggling with a blip

(32 Posts)
natsyloo Wed 21-Nov-12 07:38:35

Hello everyone. Goodness, I haven't posted on here for over a year I think. I used to post regularly about PND as I had a particularly bad experience.

I've generally been pretty well in the past year but am just having a 'blip' which has flawed me. A combination of stress of work and having a virus which knocked me out this weekend has sent me into a really anxious state...I was so wired last night I didn't sleep at all.

I've had CBT and have a good support network. I suppose I just wanted to post for reassurance as I feel really panicky that it's all coming back and I can't seem to apply simple self help mechanisms without obsessing about it all the time...which is obviously making me worse. I came off meds a year ago but am thinking of going to see my GP to review. My job is pretty stressful which sometimes I really like, but if I don't get the balance right it can have a negative impact.

Any advice on how to deal with the blips?

Arcadia Wed 28-Nov-12 20:17:43

Glad you are feeling better today. I'm a bit dramatic too, but it does make life more interesting!

natsyloo Wed 28-Nov-12 07:30:44

Morning Arcadia and BeckBendyLegs - thanks so much for your posts.

Feeling calmer today after a good sleep (thank heavens). It makes all the difference! Went back to doc yest and was prescribed beta blockers for anxiety.

You're right - it's a reminder to me to try and get some balance in life and not put so much pressure on myself to cope. I'm also v lucky to have a supportive network of friends and family who help to put things in perspective and stop the panic spiralling (I am drama girl after all!)

Take care everyone and have a good day x

Hello Natsyloo (waves to Arcadia fellow ex-insomniac), it sounds like you are being very hard on yourself for all that you are coping with. It sounds to me like you have a lot on your plate so a blip is completely understandable. I know how juggling feels (I have three children, work part-time as a freelance editor and studying for an art foundation degree part-time too). I have blips every now and then still after having a rough time with PND after DS3 was born three years ago. You are just human, you can't run on empty all the time. You need to be kind to yourself, slow down when things are getting on top of you, accept that sometimes anxiety will get the better of you and know that it will get better again. I felt that I got better in waves, there were ups and downs, and the downs got smaller and smaller gradually. There are still downs though. Take care of yourself x

Arcadia Tue 27-Nov-12 09:40:41

sorry to hear that you're not feeling so good, natsyloo. I remember you from when I used to come on here a lot too, and like you haven't been on here for a year or so, I used to come on here about my insomnia (which started when I had DD who is now about to turn three). I know what you mean about juggling things, working part time can seem like the best of both worlds but it is also quite a pressure, and I always feel like something is slipping, whether it is my social life or my relationship, or I feel like DD is not getting enough quality attention from me (she is now watching a cartoon and eating crisps, BAD mother!). I also have this constant 'to do' list in my head which never seems to get done!

I have felt down lately too and just started ADs for the first time. I don't feel anywhere near as bad as I did before, just after I had DD, but it feels more like I am a bit ground down and I can't stop thinking negatively. Ironically, if I was feeling really bad I would not have dared to take ADs because of side effects. I was expecting insomnia to get worse but am sleeping really well on citalopram so may be worth a try?

everyone has down phases, and it is not necessarily related to the PND you had. small children are hard work and trying to keep everything going is hard work. It can be hard to accept when you feel you have 'recovered' but there will always be ups and downs in life.

Insomnia is a bitch isn't it? But IME you will only have a certain number of bad nights before your mind and body 'give in' and let you sleep. May be worth trying a short course of sleeping pills like zopiclone and/or over the counter anti-histamine sleeping tablets which have worked really well for me, just to break the cycle. diazepam is not specifically for sleep, from what I know of it.

Sorry this is a ramble. hope you start to feel better soon. X

natsyloo Tue 27-Nov-12 07:34:46

Ok so I have to admit it but the blip is beginning to scare me. In my head it would only last a week but I'm finding myself getting more and more anxious. Had another really bad night of tossing and turning - despite taking diazepam. Didn't realise I could even worry about them not working!

I guess what bothers me most is that I can't seem to 'fix' it - even though the rational side of me says that this will happen in its own time. I see the look on people's faces when I say I'm still wobbly and all I can think is that I'm letting myself down. I also realise this is irrational but it's so hard not to think it.

I'm juggling motherhood with a pressurised job and running a support group and inside I just feel I'm not able to handle it. Feels like a big confidence crisis. I've had therapy before so will revisit my notes on self esteem and head back to the docs to see if it's worth looking at ADs.

I'm aware this is a self-obsessed post (again, a very frustrating element of anxiety/depression) but I just wanted to share it in the hope other people could offer some comfort.

natsyloo Sat 24-Nov-12 10:48:31

Morning everyone. Lovely to hear from you Nananina - though as you say not always in the best circumstance.

I had a really good chat with my sis last night (she is a sport guru) about the importance of balance and I realised that my life has become overly focused on work to the detriment of my own wellbeing. Despite waking up feeling a bit 'icky' I managed to get my trainers on and go for a run down the canal and it really helped to boost my mood.

I know there is no quick fix, that it is complex and very much about personal decisions, but I'm also trying to take a look at how I can change my life to live healthily and try and 'be' rather than 'do'...it's so easy to get obsessed with endless tasks and 'to do lists' that sometimes we fail to reflect and just try and be still for a little bit.

Take care everyone x

NanaNina Fri 23-Nov-12 22:12:54

Ah Hi Natsyloo nice to hear from you but sorry it's because of the bloody blips again. Im still here blipping away from time to time. Surprising how many other Blippers there are. Defo think we should start a blippers thread.

SO sorry that after a year you have "slipped off the path" again or at least "lost your footing" - I suppose I see depression as climbing a hill to recovery but I keep losing a footing (a few bad days, between 2 and 4 and not too bad, maybe improve later in day) but then I slip off the path and can have approx 8 horrendous days. I always get back on the path again but I would certainly have felt that I had reached the summit after a year.

There is no end to the tricks that Mr A&D has up his sleeve. I've decided he is a man! I now call mine the Head Monster and he comes and goes as he pleases, and I definitely feel he controls me. I do try to put CBT into use and try to stop my automatic negative thoughts spiralling out of control, and making me worse, but it's hard to do when you feel so crap.

When I have had a good few weeks, I alternate between thinking that the HM has gone to sleep and thinking I'm overdue for another blip.....it's usually the latter!

Dione's post didn't really fit for me (as it did for many others) the shallow hole thing didn't really fit because I don't think my blips are always less awful as they come along - in fact that vary in intensity as well as length. I had the most horrendous 7 days in October, with no respite till it was almost time to go to bed.

Do other blippers feel worse, dependent upon the time of day. Mornings are always worse for me and I can usually pick up through the day, but I know afternoons or evenings are worse for others. The think I hate is that I can't control my life because I never know until I wake up how I am going to be, and so can't plan anything, though my friends know the score and understand.

Diseyw sorry to hear you too are feeling crap - I honestly think you will need more than a week off work as ADs take a while to work and you often feel side effects before you feel the benefit.

Good wishes to all of you blippers and let's hope they are soon over. It is so helpful to know that others are feeling like this (not that I wish it on anyone else) but it is some comfort to know we are not alone. I am OK at the moment but that could change any day.

Natsyloo - I have diazepam for when I get anxious on the bad days (only 2mg) and I find them really effective.

natsyloo Fri 23-Nov-12 19:24:51

Great to hear all your advice and sorry to hear other people are wrestling with blips too. Must be the season for it.

Some great pearls of wisdom - esp with reference to the analogy to falling down holes. Always good to remind yourself how far you've come.

Take care all x

diseyw Fri 23-Nov-12 10:59:10

Hi everyone, I haven't posted for a while either but I am also having a major 'blip'. Absolutely hate this time of year, have recently lost a very close relative and have been having counselling for phobias which seem to have brought to the surface lots of feelings which have left me with severe anxiety and depression. Went to the Doctor on Wednesday in a terrible state. She has prescribed a short course of diazepam and also started me on anti-depressants for the first time. Have been signed off work for a week. Now sitting in front of my SAD lightbox but also feeling quite sicky today with slight upset stomach (probably due to the medication).
Nice to know that I'm not the only one going through this as dont feel so alone reading your posts. Best wishes to everyone going through this! x

JackThePumpkinKing Fri 23-Nov-12 10:02:47

grin

Good recommendations for vitamin supplements, but if you are taking one make sure it contains vitamin D3. I think the WellWoman range have that (don't know about the others, but many have VitD1 instead)

chimchar Fri 23-Nov-12 09:45:53

no advice, but I too am having a major blip....

must be something in the air eh?

hope everyone is one the up soon...some great posts on this thread. x

doyouwantfrieswiththat Fri 23-Nov-12 09:37:31

Jack & Dione (hmm I feel an earworm coming on), I like your perspective.

JackThePumpkinKing Fri 23-Nov-12 09:01:13

This reminds me of that bit in the West Wing where Leo's telling Josh that story about falling down a hole..

"This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out.
"A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on.
"Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on
"Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.'""

smile

Lottieloulou Fri 23-Nov-12 08:58:36

Dione

That is one of the most inspirational posts I have read on MN. Thank you so so much.
Yes you are in a hole, but it is not the same hole. It's a different one, further down the line. It is shallower

Wow!

DioneTheDiabolist Thu 22-Nov-12 23:04:02

Hi there all you Blippers.
I just want to reassure you that you are not back where you started. Yes you are in a hole, but it is not the same hole. It's a different one, further down the line. It is shallower and it sounds as though most of you now have the tools, if not the strength to get out.

It happens. Don't beat yourself up about it.

I second Fries advice to get yourselves a multivitamin and mineral supplement and some cod liver oil.
Set a date for restarting your self help exercises and in the meantime rest, eat well and do something pleasurable to you (reading, walking, whatever). This will strengthen you for when the time comes to pull yourself out.
Remember the cool stuff that you discussed in therapy? All that is still true, even more true because you succeeded once and you can do it again.

If you find that you are still struggling, go back to therapy (if you can). You may need some more help.

But please remember you are not back where you were before.

doyouwantfrieswiththat Thu 22-Nov-12 22:40:01

Also have seen some info on low vitamin D linked to depression so try a multivit/iron supplement.

doyouwantfrieswiththat Thu 22-Nov-12 22:34:41

wine

natsyloo Thu 22-Nov-12 22:33:22

oops. Think our posts clashed, doyouwantfrieswiththat. I think you might be on to something re: the dark nights/being poorly contributory factors. Here's to fewer blips after the shortest day..

doyouwantfrieswiththat Thu 22-Nov-12 22:30:22

www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nwwKbM_vJc

like meditation...practice makes perfect

natsyloo Thu 22-Nov-12 22:29:24

Mindfulness is also referred to as 'present awareness'. In non-jargon speak it's all about living in the here and now. It is a kind of meditation that focuses on your senses and really being in touch with the moment you're in so you don't worry about the future or dwell on the past. It takes practice but can be really calming - there are simple exercises you can do focusing on breathing to bring anxiety levels down. Might be worth googling as this is not an educated explanation!

doyouwantfrieswiththat Thu 22-Nov-12 22:27:45

combination of darker evenings, feeling low after a bit of a bug & check where you are in your cycle whether the blip(s) coincide with the same week each time. My aim is to make it through the winter without meds this year, I know it will be tough for me & family.

Mindfulness is a good tool, I also offload onto dpblush. longest night is 21st Dec so hope the blips will get fewer after that.

JackThePumpkinKing Thu 22-Nov-12 22:19:40

Thanks. What is 'mindfullness'?

natsyloo Thu 22-Nov-12 22:18:32

It seems there are a few of us in the 'blip' club. Think we should re-name it the 'blip support thread' :-)

Hope you feel better soon JackThePumpkinKing.

JackThePumpkinKing Thu 22-Nov-12 18:49:16

Wow, same here. PND, off meds for 18 months and currently really struggling. It IS just a blip though.

natsyloo Thu 22-Nov-12 18:47:01

Hello, sorry to hear you're both 'blipping'. Such a nasty experience as it's hard not to feel a sense of disappointment that you're 'back at the starting blocks'.

Lottieloulou, I'm still running the support group. In fact we've doubled our attendees in the last year (now have about 10 mums a week), have funding and complementary therapy taster sessions. Most importantly, it's a place where people can drink tea, chat and be really open about their experiences.

It feels a bit strange advising lots of mums and then not being able to take my own advice! I had such dreadful insomnia the other night I actually was physically jittery and had incessant -ve thought loops. I find it so so hard to be rational in those states.

Anyone use mindfulness as a tool? Again, I find it hard to apply when I'm in the thick of it all but know it can be beneficial.

Hugs back at you x

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