Hi choc - it sounds like you have seen a GP and been prescribed lofepramine (which I assume is an AD) Two weeks is not long enough to know whether this drug is the right one for you. Sometimes you get worse when you first starting taking ADs before the benefit kicks in. It can take up to 4 weeks. Maybe you already know that ADs work differently on different people (just to screw us up some more!) It is unfortunately a case of trial and error. I hit rock bottom April 2010 (2nd severed episode of depression) and was admitted to psychiatric hospital for 3 months. It was ok but none of the nurses really bothered with you and it was very boring. I haven't fully recovered (possibly because of my age 68) I can be fine for weeks even months and then the Monster returns and I have some very bad days. I am due to see my GP next week to ask for a referral to the psychiatrist to see if he can increase my dose or add something to the drug i'm taking, which is imipramine which is an old fashioned tryclic, and yours has a similar sounding name. They usually like to prescribe the SSRIs now.
SO I absolutely understand the anxiety (which is the medical name for fear) and horror of this dreadful illness that cannot be understood by anyone who does not have first hand experience. It also is very difficult to describe to someone else. I know exactly what you mean when you say "you are not yourself any more" because it is like a stranger has come and taken overy your body and mind. On my bad days I am constantly saying "This is not who I am."
I have read lot of stuff on depression and anxiety (as they almost always go together) and remember one description - It is like being alone in a foreign country, you can't speak the language, you are paralysed, blind and deaf. Of course we aren't any of these things but for me this sounded like I felt.
I know you're scared and don't know what is happening to you but you have a depressive illness and you are probably quite severely depressed just now, and this is not suprising given all that you have been through with your employers and the loss of your job. Thank god you have a supportive DP.
You need to be kind to yourself, and not try to "push" yourself to do things. Depression takes away our motivation, we lack interest in anything - it effects people different ways - I always feel flat and empty on my bad days and i I'm luck I improve through the day. Many people just want to stay under the duvet and want to hide from the world. Again this is quite a natural thing to want to do. I do this but always get up by mid day to shower and then at least I feel I've done something. There is a great deal of support on here from people who have or are suffering from the torment of depression.
You mentioned other health problems that have contributed to your present state of depression - do you want to say what they were/are?
Incidentally don't worry that you will not make a complete recovery, because 4 out of 5 people with depression will make a complete recovery in 4 - 6 months, and when I had my first episode when I was 20 years younger, this is what happened for me. My recurring depression is due to my age and this often happens with the over 65s.
Depression also makes us absolutely certain that we will never get better (It's another of it's nasty tricks it plays on us) but you will get better butit is going to take time. It also makes us feel that it's our fault and we should be doing something about it, but we wouldn't think that if we had a physical illness. Depression makes us believe things about ourselves that aren't true.
Think of you and hope you can come back..........NN