new to mumsnet new to motherhood and struggling.

[lourobert]

Im a new having had my ds 3 months ago- I had a few tearful days a first but nothing too concerning and something that I quckly got over however now is a totally different story. I am so concerned and pre-occupied my my ds development that Im convincing myself that he is delayed and not developing as he should,i pick at every little thing-I even stopped going to my antenatal group as for the whole hour I just sat there comparing him to the other babies his age. I work myself into such a frenzy that I start to cry uncontrollably. Im sure all new first time mums worry but this seems to such an extreme that I feel I cant cope and am struggling with the pressure of having a child.i have a supportive family and partner but they just tell me Im being silly and everything is fine they seem to look past how Im feeling- I feel very alone and isolated and am desperate to find a way to calm my anxiety before it really becomes too much to bear- is this PND.....? Or just a new time mum worrying about her baby as any mother does?

[Nbg]

It does sound like you have a heightened state of anxiety.

Is this everyday or do you have some good days?

Being a new mum can be very stressful and worrying. You must understand that you are not the only mum who feels this way so your not on your own.
How about having a chat with your HV or GP?

[ggglimpopo]

Message withdrawn

[albosmum]

All new mums worry all the time. Keep talking to friends, families or other mums , go back to your ante natal group

I don't know enough about PND to diagnose it and think you should defeinitely arrange to see your HV asap

[purpleturtle]

I don't think what you're describing sounds like the kind of worrying 'any mother does'. I agree with Nbg that you should talk to your HV or GP. It's what they're there for.

Welcome to MN, by the way. This is a great place to 'talk', where a wide variety of experience can be really helpful (or a bit confusing at times!)

[mumfor1sttime]

Hi lourobert, I was exactly the same at times. I found after the first 4 months I started to settle into being a mum and to 'calm down'.

I would worry about everything - when to put ds down for naps, how much I should feed, whether he was developing properly, the list goes on.

I promise you that you will feel more yourself soon. My advice - Take one day at a time, dont put any pressure on yourself and do things you did before you had baby, eg a night out with the girls, a fave hobby, go for a meal, listen to your fave music, watch a comedy dvd. I found this made me feel like 'me' again. Becoming a Mum can make you loose 'you'.

Take Care x

[wilbur]

Hi lou - So sorry you're feeling so down. Def talk to your HV or GP. It's not very helpful for people to tell you that you're being silly as that just makes you feel worse. It's still very early days and I'm sure you will feel better as your lovely ds gets bigger - I think some of the worries we inflict on ourselves is due to how much stuff there is in the media about what can go wrong and affect a child either through health or emotionally. What you have to try and remember is that the vast, vast majority of children fall in the very large band that is completely normal - yes some will do one thing early and others will do another thing early, some will take a while with everything but still be utterly wonderfully brilliant kids. Please don't start comparing your ds to others if it makes you unhappy, try to enjoy him as he is now and do talk to a professional if it continues to get you down. HTH.

[lourobert]

Thanks to you all- I actually made an appointment with my G.P and plan to see my health visitor next week also. the thing is Im not anxious everyday it is something that comes and goes and some days I wonder how I can feel so stressed at times.

Today was a pretty bad day and then I feel guilty because he is such a content happy baby and such a pleasure to have around but its me that makes myself stressed and it can come for nowhere. ds is currently with my partners mother for the evening so I can have a bath and then watch eastenders having turned my mind to 'off mode' for a few hours. Thankyyou all for your reassurance.

[lourobert]

I must take on board what Wilbur posted in that the band of being normal is so vast but I seem to get fixated with things......I m sure that this will improve with time and as he begins to grow. Hes doing new things all the time but I still seem to focus on the things hes not doing (although he does get plenty of praise)but I worry in my own mind. I will seek advice from G.P and health visitor though which Im sure will make me feel better and gain some control back maybe!

[alexsmum]

lourobert, do you remember the small developmental toys called neos? probably not as your baby is new but they were popular about five years ago.there were several of them, each one designed for a stage of development. i can remember being sick with worry because we had bought the neo for alex's age at the time.. he was 6 months or so and the skill it was supposed to encourage was one he wasn't displaying any signs of at all.i was so worried- he was behind, there was something wrong with him etc. talked to my health visitor about it in the end and she said she wouldn't expect him to be doing it for ages yet!
sorry this is so long but just wanted to say' it happens to all of us'!!it's such an amazing responsibility isn't it?

[lourobert]

I think thats what it is- the responsibility of it all. Sometimes I feel pressure to be making sure I buy the right toys or interacting the right way in order to encourage development as it should. I think I am beginning to realise that ds will do things in his own time and when hes ready to it. I feel a bit silly now really but i needed to get it off my chest! I do still feel anxious but Im feeling more confident now that this will soon disappear!

[saadia]

Hope you feel better soon. I know saying "don't worry" will probably not help. I had a lot of unfounded worries with ds2, about his health and development. He seems fine but the thing that helped was to accept that he is who he is and always will be. Even if there is something non-typical about him, I will deal with it. I'm sure your ds is absolutely fine, it really makes no sense to compare babies. If he is happy and content that is a big thing in itself as not all babies are that easygoing.