I think I am going mad - how do I get help?

[barkingatthemoon]

Hi everybody - regular MNer here in silly disguise.
I need help and am a little embarassed.
Not sure where to start... I am really getting quite pathetic and I need to do something but don't know how. Can anyone point me in the right direction?

I am supposedly a full time working mother with two lovely beautiful well-behaved kids. Basically I can't cope with anything emotianally. I yell at DH, the kids for just about nothing. I feel like throwing the cat across the room if he so much but rubs against me. I sit to do work, and I can't get it done. I sit cathatonic most of the time, and get either teary or angry about everything.

DH, who is really helpful,is going to be away for a week next month. And I think this has thrown me in such a panic attack that I can't handle the kids that it just put me off the edge. We have no family or friends (moved here recently)to help.

I went to see GP to see if I could get some drugs to help me out. Instead she told me I needed some time off work. She is also checking my bloods for anemia, thyroid, etc...

However, since I've been off I think I'm worst. I think I realize that although I have a somewhat stressful work it is my family that stresses me the most, and this is really depressing. I love them, but I feel like I can barely handlemyself emotionally, and thus I certainly cannot be there for anyone else (as they obviously deserve). This realization is making me even more depressed.

I also thought if I got out of work and out of some responsabilities, I would be more confident in taking care of the children on my own. Instead, I am feeling even more panicked. My hands shake and my head is swirling around most of the time.

Dh has offered to not go, but I know how important for him is to go. I'm afraid I will feel even more of a failure If I can sort this out, and made him loose this opportunity.

In short, I just don't seem to find any solution that won't make things worst. Themore I try to work this out, the worst I seem to feel. Now, a feel a failure for asking to be out of work, and to get out of some of my responsabilities. Feel like a horrile mum to my kids for not coping with really simple stuff (like giving them a bath), and of course a horrible wife for putting Dh is such a difficult situation.

What do I do??? GP will see me again in 2 weeks to see if I'm better. She thinks is PNd. But wouldn't refer me to a counseller until I have rested. However, at the rate I'm going my whole life will be in pieces before then! I am willing to look for private help, but to e honest I don't know how. I tried a couple of Psychiatric counselling before but though they were both aiming for a 2 year long treatment, and I think mostly for getting money. I need some quick solution, to at least get me in balance.

Any ideas???

[barkingatthemoon]

help!

[heavenis]

I think that if you are feeling worse then you should see your GP before the two weeks is up. Explain that you've tried to rest but that you now feel worse than you did before.
I'm no expert but you sound like your having panic attacks.
Go back to your GP asap.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Hi barking! (good disguise name, but honestly, speaking from experience, people can always help more and be supportive if they know who you are.....)

Ive been suffering PND myself. Your GP had the right idea in telling you to try and give yourself a break. There is always this ideal that all mums should be able to cope, have happy, well behaved children, cook all meals from scratch, clean the house from top to bottom each day, run all the errands and still sit on MN for a good long natter.

I have to say, i find that rarely the case, and i believe a large proportion of people on here are the same.

Does your DH know how you feel? Have you spoken to anyone else about it? I definitely think you should go back to your GP in the meantime. Did your GP suggest AD's?

Anyway, I just wanted to say i sympathise with you, and you are not alone.

Please CAT me if you want to talk.

xxx

[barkingatthemoon]

Thanks for listening heavenis!
I guess I need to go back to the GP, it was so hard to ask for help the first time around...
Will muster the courage

[heavenis]

It might be hard to go but think of it as getting back in control of how you feel, and the way you want to feel.

[barkingatthemoon]

Thanks QV!
Dh does know how I feel, and he is really trying his best to help. But poor guy, the more he try the more I get in his case. I really don't seem to be able to get a grip!
I would love to try some AD's, but something on the GP's attitude gave me the impression it would be a long battle of wills before I can convince her...

Are you taking AD's? Did it help you? Are you getting some counselling help?

[barkingatthemoon]

You are so right, heavenis!
I use to be a very independent brave woman, what has happened to me?

[heavenis]

Do you have more than one doctor at your surgery, if so ask to see someone else.

[lua]

QV you are right, I thought I should just post with my realname. But then I get paranoid about labels, especially when I do think I am going mad!
But perhaps the first step toward being ack in control is owing up to my feelings.
So there you go, regular name and all.

[foxinsocks]

it may be that the GP wants to wait until the results of your blood tests before he thinks of prescribing anything (just in case it's your thyroid etc.)

[bootsmonkey]

two questions - how old are your kids and is there any pattern to this i.e. PMT related. Also, if you don't mind me asking, what contraception are you taking?? OK - that's 3 questions.

I recently took myself off the Mirena coil as I found I was getting more & more 'tense' (polite and mild phrase for it) and that feeling rational between AF was getting shorter & shorter. I got off the hormones & am taking Starflower & a womans supplement (B complex, zinc, magnesium, etc) and feel much better and more relaxed. I don't know whether this rings any bells with you but I was doubting my sanity for a while....My DD was nearly 3yo by this time and I had had the coil in from when she was 3mths old.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Agree with Heavenis - see someone else if you can.

The doctor i saw (not my usual GP) was brilliant. She rang the HV, tried to find out about surestart and prescribed me Sertraline/Lustral.

I found that they made be a bit sleepy after taking them for about 2 weeks (GP said they dont - other takers said they do!), im certainly feeling much better generally (with the exception of the last 24 hours) but i have up and down days, just the same as everyone else.

The problem with having PND is that it over emphasises all your normal worries and anxieties and makes them seem much worse. Hence if i have a bad day i focus on it a bit too much IYSWIM. Im learning though

Do go back, and also contact your HV. There is no shame in admitting that, from time to time, you need help.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Good for you lua!

If people know who you are, then if they see you about they'll ask after you etc, which is always nice if you've not been on top of the world. There are so many people on here who have PND or have had, they are hardly going to "label" you, they will most likely sympathise with you.

[heavenis]

Would your DH go to the doctors with you,maybe he could help you by telling the doctor what you want.

[foxinsocks]

(boots - the mirena made me feel that way aswell)

[lua]

Bootsmonkey,kids are 3.2 years and 7.5months.
Baby is a real star, and is my main source of hapiness these dyas (of course, I then feel guiltty because I am not currently being as good a mum to the oldest...). The toddler is running me ragged. I think she feel my emotional fragility and keeps asking for cuddles and attention the whole time. They both go to nursery during the day, so I am just spoiled rotten right now staying home supposedly doing nothing (not in reality though because there one aspect of my work that I just can't get out of it...)

I'm not using any form of anti-conception. I actually was convinced this weekend I was pregnant. Did the test , Iam not. Thank heavens!!

I'm still breastfeeding, so have no periods. I do feel distinguishly PMS.... But can you have that when you are not actually having periods??

[lua]

Bootsmonkey,kids are 3.2 years and 7.5months.
Baby is a real star, and is my main source of hapiness these dyas (of course, I then feel guiltty because I am not currently being as good a mum to the oldest...). The toddler is running me ragged. I think she feel my emotional fragility and keeps asking for cuddles and attention the whole time. They both go to nursery during the day, so I am just spoiled rotten right now staying home supposedly doing nothing (not in reality though because there one aspect of my work that I just can't get out of it...)

I'm not using any form of anti-conception. I actually was convinced this weekend I was pregnant. Did the test , Iam not. Thank heavens!!

I'm still breastfeeding, so have no periods. I do feel distinguishly PMS.... But can you have that when you are not actually having periods??

[lua]

QV - What is sure start? and do you think I could contact HV independently of GP?

[bootsmonkey]

Lua - I don't know! Just that I know that hormones can really mess you up! I was in a complete blur for the first 18mths of my DDs life and alot of that I think was to do with my hormones settling/PND. I would concur that it is likely to be PND and agree with all those on here who say seek help - from whatever area you can, be it doctor/HV/whatever/wherever. I didn't and lost out on a large chunk of my dds life as a result, which makes me sad. Good luck!!

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

sure start i dont know much about - they didnt have in my area in the end check this site though

I would imagine you should be able to contact your HV directly. Do you not see her regularly at baby clinics/weigh ins etc?

[bootsmonkey]

You should be able to talk to a HV at any drop in baby clinic running in your area - often through the GP surgery. They will talk through any worries you have about you or your baby.

(Foxinsocks - do you feel better for it?? I know I do. Just wondered why it took so long to creep up on me, unless I was so off balance to begin with I didn't notice!!)

[lua]

I do see my HV every now and then, but haven't found her the most helpful/ knowledgble person... so I kind of have spaced quite a lot in between visits...
Also, my baby clinics is always so packed full! It would be hard to talk to them there with any privacy... ut maybe if I could contact them in private it could be helpful...

I think if I could find some help while Dh is away , I would feel a bit better. If I am looking for someone to help for a week in the evenings so I can handle the dinner, bath, ed crazyness, what would I loook for? is it a sitter, a "mother's helper, a nanny, or what? and does anyone know how to find one in short notice?

[heavenis]

Can anyone from your childrens nursery put you in touch with someone who could help while dh is away.
Do you have more than one hv you can ring them directly and ask them to make a home visit.

[lua]

Oh G*D, I am really becoming pathetic.
I was all confused about what day was my appointment to get blood work, and just realized I was supposed to have gone today! I spent the whole day feeling miserable and waiting for tomorrow in hope that the blood exam will tell some quick solution...
It really shouldn't be any big deal. I should just call and get a new appointment... but I have cried my balls out and feel teribly ashamed to call...
I don't understand why I have become so incompetent all of a sudden!
Can someone just slap me andsnap out of this nightmare?

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Oh lua! Its totally 'normal' to feel like this when you have pnd.

Get back to your gp and push him/her for more help.

xxx