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Mental health

cracking up - husband left & dont know what to do

46 replies

MrsMiggins · 16/01/2006 22:30

I just dont know what to do
am drinking too much - knwo that and just had brother telling me so but I just cant carry on

been to DR today - carry on wioth ADdS AND maybe increase to 100 mg in months time if no improvement

H left an no remorse or empathy; not sign thar sees hard for me.
I just need to know whether losing house or if can stay

all sh;t

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starlover · 16/01/2006 22:33

you can carry on... and you will carry on! trust me!
are you seeing a counsellor or anyone? ad's are all well and good, but sometimes you also need someone to talk to, to figure out why you feel like that and what you can do to help feel better.
sometimes it's nice to be able to just talk to someone totally unrelated about what's getting you down

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MrsMiggins · 16/01/2006 22:37

cant talk to family as they arf all hurting tto much themselves

H has just abandoned us and has no regard for anything

I am usually v strong but htese last couple of weeks jut want to stay in bed

I need to go to work tomorrow

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MrsMiggins · 16/01/2006 22:39

my counsellor was off sick week I found out about affair, and then the week H left.....been on sick ever since

have rung Relate this week regasrding group course for geting over such siutuations

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starlover · 16/01/2006 22:43

can you talk to your gp about seeing a different counsellor?
i am SURE that your family will want to talk to you about it, they care about you, and even if they are huryting too that doesn't mean they don't have time for you.

when you're depressed it's incredibly difficult to see that other people do care, and do want to help...

i remember someone saying to me once that i couldn't trust what my head was telling me... that the way i was thinking wasn't how things really were... and that maybe i needed to listen to, and trust what everyone else was saying to me before things would get any better...

they were right

and just because you're normally "strong" doesn't mean you aren't entitled to feel like this, or thtat it is wrong in any way...
i haven't been in your exact situation, but i do know the feeling of being abandoned and it is horrible... but it WILL get better

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Freckle · 16/01/2006 22:43

Come on Mrs.M. You know you can do better than this. Alcohol can have a persuasive charm, pretending to make things better for you, but all the time undermining your determination and resolve.

Don't let him get to you. Men don't react the way women do and I think this is where we fall down because we are looking for a reaction that we would have to a particular situation. He may seem hardhearted but you have all the positives in this - your children. He is the one leaving the house and going to a sterile hotel room. You are the one who gets to tuck your children up in bed and gets the early morning cuddles and kisses.

Your life is so much richer than his. It's hard to see it that way sometimes when you are feeling that you need someone to take all the responsibility away from you. Once all the messy divorce stuff is over, you can relax and enjoy your so much more rewarding life. What's he going to do? His life won't be any different to what it is now. How sad is that?

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expatinscotland · 16/01/2006 22:44

aw, mrsm!

increase your dose and asked to be referred for counselling. also look into some divorce support networks. you need someone to talk to!

try to limit booze by not keeping it the house - tough i know - i used to have todo this w/fags and i'd end up going to bed to keep form thinking of them.

ONE day, one hour, one minute at a time. don't go getting ahead of yourself now.

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mummytosteven · 16/01/2006 22:44

agree with Starlover about talking to your family and asking GP for referral to a counsellor.

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Feistybird · 16/01/2006 22:45

MrsMiggins, I've read, but never posted on the 'gets control back of her life thread'. You will do this, simply because you have to and you can. You've been soooo strong.

So you're drinking a bit too much at the moment, well who would blame you for that.

My advice, esp as you have work tomorrow, is to go to bed, have a cry then get some much needed rest.

All the very best to you - you will come through, I've no doubt about it.

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starlover · 16/01/2006 22:47

yes should also say that remember alcohol is a depressant! you probably already know that though

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MrsMiggins · 16/01/2006 22:51

bu DD is ill with chest infection & is making us both have lack of sleep
how couod I feel so positive b4 Xmas & now feel so down

I cant focus on work tomorrow as I just feel so negaivtive.....BUT H is going to solicitor for first time tom so maybe am just anxious about that

dont tell me H is reasonabel - still not seen his parents since Nov even tho didnt work over Xmas

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 16/01/2006 22:52

OH Mrs M! id been wondering about you!

You are such a wonderful lady. You have made it this far already. But, you are entitled to get down about it (understatement im guessing). I wish i had something profound to say. All i can say is that at some point in the future, i dont know how far off, there will be a time when your ex DH will look at you, and how strong you have been, and how well you have coped, and he will utterly regret what he has done.

And you will be able to say - i dont care anymore.

Dont forget, you have everyone here if you need us.

Am thinking of you.
xxx

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starlover · 16/01/2006 22:57

you feel down now because of lack of sleep, worry and alcohol i expect!

it will pass. i promise

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Freckle · 16/01/2006 22:59

And it's January and all the excitement of Christmas is over. Most people get a bit depressed about now, so it's perfectly understandable if things are getting a bit on top of you.

Deep breath and count to 10.

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MrsMiggins · 16/01/2006 23:13

my brother has j7ust told me via MSN to throw away all alcohol
I was sooo going to try not to drink tonight

myborther is worried that if H geTs wind of me drinking he will take my kids but no worries there....i am super mum and he couldnt be arsed

will tgry not to drink tomorow and wil try to be more positive

just feel as down as I did 10 mths ago where all I coudl think avout was driving into wall rto give myself a rest

hello expat - i would love to visit u

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Beetrootfultoyourself · 16/01/2006 23:15

i agree Mrs M, don't drink tomorrow. get rid of the drink. you will feel so so so much better without drink. It will take a couple of days then you will feel the difference. Perhpas you need to say you cannot drink for a month? a week? during the week? give yourslef some restrictions adn stick to them.

YOu are doing great..dont let teh bastard get you donw!!!!!

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moondog · 16/01/2006 23:18

MrsM. have been thinking of you.
I think you need to start a new thread with your name in it,so all your mates can give you a bit of moral support.

Repeat to yourself over and over
'Even this will pass away.'

Throw away the booze.Pour it down the sink.

It's a Monday night in January,it won't get any worse than this I promise you,so if you can just get through tonight,things will be a million times better tomorrow.
I promise you.

Have you got anything nice lined up in the next few weeks??

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carlk · 16/01/2006 23:19

Mrs M.
I have been following your story for a while now. I have never posted on one of the relationship threads before because I usually dont know what to say.
I just wanted to drop a line to let you know that there are many people on this board who care and can probably say things much better than I can. but we know you can do this you, are strong. At the moment though you sound emotionally winded, battered and down.
The drink doesnt help and you know it, so choose one day and go without see if you feel better the next day.

I have some personal experience of depression so I know how hard it can be when you look at the height of the mountain you have to climb.

I just want to say SMALL STEPS.

Depression colors your judgement it saps your ability to see the good you do, it makes you dwell on the bad, it robs you of your ability to be objective about your worth - just like a cold robs you of your sense of smell.

Of course your h(sic) is being an arse, its the only weapon he has had since you took his power away.
The more you crave his emotion the more he pulls back. Focusing on this obscures the good things you've acheived to date. It's so hard not to be obsessional about these things and allow them to consume you. the AD's should help you to push the torrent of thoughts to a quieter corner soon.

Meantime one day at a time.
you cannot fix it all tommorrow, so you fix the little things one at a time, something you unconsiously do makes your child smile. Fixing them makes you feel a tiny bit better,and gives you confidence to fix the next thing and so on.
There will be setbacks, that's life. prepare for them expect them, lift your face from the floor spit out the mud, stand and take another step.

one step at a time.

It will get better. You can do this.

hopefully someone else will be along soon to put things a little more eloquently.

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sykes · 16/01/2006 23:19

Mrs M, it will get better, honestly. It's still far too raw and you have no idea what's going on. You've done brilliantly and yes alcohol is a depressive and too much is a bad idea, but God I certainly drank when my h left - it's a temporary release. ~if there's anything I can do, please let me know. i found the first six months absolute hell but things did get better and seeing friends and keeping busy was key. It is so desperately unfair and you feel so alone but it HONESTLY does get better. I hated people telling me you have to carry on but, unfortunately, you do when all you want to do is curl up in a blanket and have someone look after you.

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carlk · 16/01/2006 23:21

In the time it took me to write that epic there have been loads of posts

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moondog · 16/01/2006 23:21

I thought your post was great carl.

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MrsMiggins · 16/01/2006 23:23

well I have signed up0 to local college for floristry course - 6 weeks - everey wed - mum coming t put kids to bed

h seeing solicitor tom which is worrying me as I feel things will change tom

I feel so weak & feel letting my children down

will NOT drink tomorrow
feel ashamed at lack of willpower today

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MrsMiggins · 16/01/2006 23:26

it is killing my family & I cant show them how I feel cos they are so hurt themselvces

my poor brother went to uni with my H and he blames himself for introducing me to to H...which is bollocks.....H is the only one who has to answer to his actions

Im lucky to have such close family

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sykes · 16/01/2006 23:29

Mrs M, your family sounds wonderful. Your h is an arse, soem men are and I, unfortunately speak from personal experience. Have you anything nice planned - what about next w/end?

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MadMaz · 16/01/2006 23:31

Mrs Miggins, feel for you. Been there done that. Still not quite off the booze myself (!) but much better than it was. Don't beat yourself up about it, just be aware of what you are aiming to achieve. Lack of sleep and worry makes everyone weaker. Once you have control over access arrangements, your house and money which sounds like that is someway off, you can take control of your life. One day at a time. Get a good brief. Consider mediation to sort out the money and access arrangements. They can sometimes put you in touch with counsellors as well. Floristry course sounds a great idea. Nothing like the sight of beautiful flowers to cheer up a tired soul. Take care

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MrsMiggins · 16/01/2006 23:32

no
H is coming to see kids but things could change as hes seeing solicitor tomorrow
am going out to luch iwth friend Sat

DS told me yesterday daddy left cos I shout

IU have NEVERF said anything bad about daddy including I phoned him tonight for DS 3 3/4 as daddy hadnt phoned

thanks for your support you guys

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