Do I feel bad enough to go to GP

[littleshebear]

The title says it all, really. I have always had bouts of feeling really low - at University after my dad died, when I was in a really stressful job, after my first child was born, when my sister got attacked, after I miscarried twins and during subsequent pregnancy - but have managed to carry on and put a brave(ish) face on it. Have also suffered from OCD, thoughts of harming others which caused me to hide knives. more or less over that now - was strict with myself about facing up to it and has more or less gone.

At the moment we have very significant money worries triggered by my dh having his own business after being made redundant 3 years ago. I suppose I've been feeling pretty low for quite a few months, really. I have 4 children who are all in their own way demanding - the second eldest has just finished exams for secondary school and the youngest is being a typical 3 year old and very exhausting. I really feel I have had enough of being at home and that she will benefit from being at nursery more - thought I would get a f/t job to sort out money and quite a lot of pressure from DH to do so. Do have mixed feelings about this as have been more or less at home with all the others and she is very precious as conceived after I lost twins and after difficult pregnancy. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I went for an interview and didn't make it past the initial written test - my mind went blank, went all trembly, felt panicky, had to leave. This is incredibly out of character for me and I felt terrible about it.

I have another interview on Wednesday and can't do the prep for it - can't concentrate at all. Since yesterday I have been crying off and on and just feeling more and more hopeless about life, our future, my relationship with DH, everything. I can't see any way forward at all- just feel exhausted by the non-stop demands of everything. Feel as though I'd formulated a plan of action to help our family over a difficult patch but just haven't the strength to see it through. Also feel pretty angry with Dh who is being no help at all.
Any advice? should I go to GP?

[SoupDragon]

Personally, I think you should go to your GP, tell him/her exactly what you've said here and let them decide what help you need if any.

[SoupDragon]

my reasoning being that you want to knock it on the head before you get any of the OCD or harming symptoms back.

[littleshebear]

Thanks soupdragon. I think the problem is that I never sought help over the OCD - the thoughts started after my sister was attacked with a knife (not hurt) and this was about 14 years ago. Should have gone to GP then but thought they would think I was mad. Since then have dealt with it eventually by researching problem and facing up to it. Still slightly jumpy about big knives, tbh, but not anxious or panicky or repeated nasty thoughts. I think the OCD came from a tendency to depression and anxietythough. My problem is that I'm very bad at asking for help.

[SoupDragon]

Don't think of it as asking for help, think of it as heading things off before you need help... You're not asking for help as such, you're flagging things with your GP.