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Mental health

feeling down after c-section, any advice? sorry it's long...

10 replies

bigbertha · 01/11/2005 15:14

I gave birth by emergency c-section a little while ago and have been suffering from complications from it ever since. These complications are starting to get better but the bad thoughts about my birth are starting to come through. I was induced and it took 2 days to get to 10cm dilated- only to be told that my baby was stuck anyway, they were going to try ventouse or forceps but my baby started to get distressed so I was prepped for a c-section. Basically I felt like a piece of meat being poked about left right and centre, at one point I was laid out on the table totally naked with about 10 people milling about in the room. Now I'm not usually squeamish but I was totally unprepared for a birth so totally taken out of my control- I basically was tied to a monitor for 2 days and then operated on, so I feel really disappointed and this may sound crazy, but really robbed of the whole birth experience that I had been anticipating, pain and all. I am now finding myself thinking about it a lot- my friend has just had a baby the natural way and I found myself really upset by it. My baby was taken away anyway as soon as she was born to scbu, only for ten minutes but I missed out on the first moments bit too. I love my baby with all my heart and I am so happy to be a mum, so we have bonded like glue anyway, but I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because they all say 'oh well, it was all worth it in the end', which obviously doesn't help.
Has anyone had a similar experience? Or any words of advice? Thanks for reading this anyway.

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milward · 01/11/2005 15:21

Congrats on your dd xxx
Can you talk through the experience with a midwife or doc. You went through a tough time & got through it - this is important as well.

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gingerbear · 01/11/2005 15:26

I too had an emergency c section, and had feelings very similar to you. I felt a failure and got very angry, blaming the hospital, the midwives and myself for not being able to give birth 'naturally'.
What helped me more than anything (apart from some lovely advice from mumsnetters) was to talk through everything that happened with a midwife at the hospital. She had my file of notes and explained everything. It helped me come to terms with my c-section.
People will say, 'but you have your precious baby, and it it such a small part of having a child'. It may be true, and the feelings do get better as the months and years go by, but right now you don't need to hear that. You need to know why things happened as they did and time to come to terms with it.
You are not alone, many women have had these feelings.

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muppet73 · 01/11/2005 15:30

Hi Bigbertha and congratulations

My birth experience sounds very similar to your own. I was in labour for a very long time and went through everything you have described above. Dont feel it is just you feeling like this. I also have felt like I was robbed of the birth experience. However if it is any comfort, the more and more milestones my dd has appraoched the more the thoughts about missing out have lessened.
Also I have recently asked if I could looked at my hospital records so that I can fill in the gaps of what happened the first couple of days as it was all a blurr. Did you have someone with you during the birth? I got my dh to recount every detail that he could remember and told me things that although I was there for (like weighing our baby) I was so knackered I dont have that clear a memory of. I have started to put together a diary for her of all that has happened and it has really helped - I will give it to her when she is 18 so she knows what she put me through

I too got the "oh well it was worth it in the end" and part of me does believe that although it is annoying. ANyway I just remind myself that without a c-section my baby or I could be worse off.

Hope this helps. I am glad to hear that you and your baby are doing so well.

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bigbertha · 01/11/2005 15:44

thanks so far, it's good to know that I am not alone. I think another thing that I am constantly feeling guilty of is that I was also unable to breastfeed as I was unable to pick my daughter up and I had a lot of pressure from the midwives to feed her- I asked for help but they were all too busy, so dh ended up cup feeding- but by the time I got out of hospital she wouldn't take to breastfeeding. So that's another 'artificial' thing that has happened! And I had planned for a water birth too- more fool me, eh? Wow, this getting things off your chest business really does work, I feel less stressed already..

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gingerbear · 01/11/2005 15:51

DD was born at 11.15 and it was 3pm before I had come round after the general anaesthetic. I think she had slept for most of that time, but I had a brilliant midwife who helped me put her to the breast as soon as I was able. I was lucky and she latched on well, and I had no problems breastfeeding, but I put it all down to the one midwife who was there supporting me when I needed it.

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gingerbear · 01/11/2005 15:52

Oh, and I was even booked into the waterbirth suite, although I never even got in it! Ha! Everything went out the window, including my well prepared 'birth plan'.

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bigbertha · 01/11/2005 15:56

it sounds like you were lucky, gingerbear- I didn't get any help at all and that now leaves me bottle feeding, which I really didn't want to do at all. My daughter is thriving and is such good fun, so I'm sure it won't damage her in any way- my mum was really supportive of me having to bottle feed as she had twins who she bottle fed- and me, so she has helped me not feel so bad about it. Now I just have to sort out all my other bad feelings....

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Redhelen · 06/11/2005 10:11

Yes had to have both my babies by c-sections. Bad expereiences - worse this time (daughter 7 weeks) as I'm having trouble with the scar - which is just like having you nose rubbed in it!
Hope all is well with you.

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allgrownup · 06/11/2005 10:43

Rcenently had 3rd c section and it was awful - I think we're all heroic as the post op thing is horrendous. I was in hospital for 8 days with infection, on iv drip and very drugged up for pain.
I also feel envy for the natural birth thingy and actually don't discuss birth with people who have 'opinions'........its all easy for us lazy sorts who choose not to push is'nt it!
Ultimately, as long as you and baby are'nt physically damaged by birth the birth experience does recede and I don't think our kids care. The good news is that they're getting better and better about vaginal birth after c sections so one c section deosnt mean every birh will be. I was damaged after a natural birth and not being given section when I needed it so not an option for me.
Post op pain etc is horrible but you have to take every day at a time and be nice to yourself.

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Moomin · 06/11/2005 11:16

sorry to hear you're feeling bad about your experiences, bigberthe. I recently had my 2nd c-section but niether of mine have been emergency, they were due to medical conditions but the run-up to the birth was spent in hospital and since the 2nd c-s 4 weeks ago I have been off my feet as it's taken an AGE to start feeling better physically and mentally. Firstly you need to accept that the birth was what was best for the baby and get over the idea that you have somehow let anyone down by not having a natural birth. These things happen and they are not the end of the world. As long as you and your baby survive safely and are healhty afterwards, then that is the main thing.

I think more upsetting is the way you were largely ignored after the birth, esp in regard to your wanting to breastfeed. I cannot fault the staff at my hospital, as they were rushed off their feet but always willing to spend time helping me when I tried to bf. With dd1 we tried for 3 days and she would not latch on at all. I ended up agreeing to a bottle just so she would have something and she took to it straight away. I gave myself untold grief about it as I'd had my heart set on bfing and it really did me no good at all. I spoke to my midwife about it and she helped me accept that it really wasn't the end of the world. As soon as I did this and moved on, we both never looked back. I feel angry and sad for you that you were denied this support in hospital.

It sounds like you are still 'grieving' for the birth and post-birth experience you never had and it's taking on a significance that is stopping you moving on. I would really recommend talking to someone professional. Mumsnet is also very good for getting things off your chest, but it may be worth getting in touch with your health visitor or gp to talk things over or ask to be put in touch with someone who can help. The sooner you can accept what's in the past the better you will feel but you might need extra help in doing this. Good luck xxx

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