Boy allergic to sport

[earthamogg]

I'll try not to go on... DS hates all ball games, especially football. he won't even kickabout in park. DH was not particularly sporty guy at school, but got by, I think. DS is going to secondary school soon. Will have to play cricket, football, rugby. I know it is a massive social handicap for boys not to be at least a bit ok at these things. I used to think, oh well, we are all different, if he doesn't like it that's who he is. But thinking about it, I hated not being good at sports at school, and after I left I discovered I was not really completely useless at everything, just needed more time, encouragement, etc. So any tips on how to help him progress somewhat from his present total lack of ball game skills so he can get extra fun and pride out of school days? Other than making him go to a football club that will just be like school PE but worse!

[Jaybird37]

My DB hated ball sports at school and was not particularly good at them.

He got really into martial arts - not being part of a team meant that he did not feel exposed and could learn at his own pace.

He is now a qualified personal trainer and has won gold and silver medals in Chinese kick-boxing at national and European level, and also came third in a national free-diving competition.

My advice would be to find him an individual sport that will make him feel good about his body - martial arts, swimming, or trampolining.

Alternatively, rowing is meant to be really good for dyspraxic and poorly co-ordinated kids.

Finally, rugby is a love/ hate thing but has space within the team for quick and slow kids, for those who can kick and catch but also just for those who are brave and strong.

Your window of opportunity to influence this is small. It is kind of up to him.

[Jaybird37]

Should have added - there is no point setting your child up to fail.

If he really hates sport then let him join the drama club or something.

[pointydog]

When I was at school it seemed the boys who weren't into football/rugby were into guitars ad playing in bands. They were far cooler. It doesn;t need to be sport that gives him a social bond.

[bruffin]

Secondary school sport is very different nowadays. My DCs get to chose what sports they want to do and they even do golf!
My DS isn't into ball sports, but thankfully he can do climbing, kayaking etc close by and he does those outside school. He also did swimming for many years and also enjoys trampolining which he isn't very good at but he can do that at school as well.
We have something called A10 sport in our area which encourages sports in schools and opens up new sports to children in our area.

[roisin]

At ds1's secondary school PE is very traditional - mainly team sports. He loathes it and did from day 1. (Didn't mind PE at primary, even though he didn't excel).

I console myself that he's not the only one who hates PE and tries to loiter around on the sidelines not getting involved.

It is a shame though as he's become much less fit in the last two years as a result, which means he's more reluctant to try alternative things (climbing and kayaking) that he was happy to do before.

[cyb]

My son hates sport too, with a passion, he hates the competitive aspect of it and get svery upset. being slightly dyspraxic too he is a bit of a weakling physically!

BUT zut alors he has signed up to a school club called Multi sports where they do skittles, playground games, a teensy bit of tennis, etc.

i don't necessarily agree its a massive socail handicap not to be good at sport...the unsporty ones seek each other out and can still support a team (so have the ready chat) without actually competing

[bruffin]

That's a shame roisin

[tacticalfloosy]

Will he really have to play cricket, football and rugby even though he will loathe all of them? That seems really, really hard. Can you double-check whether there are any other options?

I'd agree with you that many of us discover we are far from dreadful at physical activity, or even actual sport, only after shaking the dust of the school PE department from our feet. I was only ever to be seen in the far corner of the hockey field checking my watch at school, whereas I ended up competing at national championship level in a sport a few years later. I'd also agree that keeping children physically active is really important.

I wouldn't agree necessarily that it's social suicide for a boy to dislike playing or watching team ball sports. That may be the case though in a school that is limited in the sports it offers. I have to say that this would make me think twice about sending him there, if there are really no other physical activity options.

I'm not sure there's much to be done. I wouldn't force him to do lots of sporty club-based stuff at the weekends if he has to do sports he hates at school. What I would do I think is build physical activity, esp walking, cycling, perhaps running, orienteering? camping, swimming etc into family activities even more than you normally would, to prevent him fixing a dichotomy in his mind between Outside = Horrible Painful Mysterious Boring Running About and Inside = Fun Interesting Relaxed Stuff.

[earthamogg]

Thanks for all that food for thought. The point about rowing is interesting, Jaybird; that was what DH did in the far-off days of his youth, so it might have potential.
That thing called multisport sounds good, Cyb, and so does A10 mentioned by Bruffin; is that just local to your area, I wonder?
I am quite inspired by the experiences of Tacticalfloosy and Jaybird's DB, in finding another way. I can think of all sorts of things DS might like; it's a question of getting him to try them for long enough!

There will be alternative things on offer at the senior school; but the rugby etc. are pretty well unavoidable round here, so I'd have to home school him to get him out of that altogether. It is hard, it's true, Tacticalfloosy to have to play ball games you hate; my own school days were a similar torment, with non-stop hockey and everything else, but I know that it was really because of the eye-rolling and tutting by the sporty brigade that I hated it, not because I didn't like exercise. I think maybe games should be streamed so you could have a nice non-competitive duffers' games lesson.

I'm not into trying to force DS into some stereotype of sportiness--far from it; I just think that when we are young we can maybe get put off by people's attitudes from persevering at things that don't come easy, and that's not a good habit. I agree that non-sporty types can find each other, Cyb, but that's not the whole story. DS's best pal at the moment is pretty at home with sports, and I have known DS walk away, rather than join in, when this friend got involved in a kickabout in the park with some other kids. It is a bit limiting socially if he feels that negative about it.

But I am thinking about all the things you've said, and pondering alternative activities to boost fitness and confidence. I just wish the sun would come out; we're going to freeze outside!

[fluffles]

my DH got seriously into cycling as an early teen and discovered aged about 15 that he was FAR fitter than any of his school mates, thus being a bit crap at sports didn't matter anymore as he could clearly run faster for longer than any of the others and that made up for lack of skill.

cycling is cool right now... and running can be fun.. maybe let him try that, even team/ball sports obsessed schools have some respect for athletes, or swimmers, or martial arts, rowing...

this isn't just about getting through secondary school but about fining activity he can enjoy for life.

[bruffin]

The A10 partnership is for schools in the A10 corridor in Hertfordshire. It done through both primary and secondary schools. DD is doing a kayaking course at the moment, it is £2 a session instead of £5.
When DD was in primary there were lots of afterschool clubs subsidised by them.

[BigBadMummy]

My son hated sport at school. There was only team for each of them and if you werent good enough for the team you got overlooked, which he obviously did.

So I spent years saying "well he is just not sporty and hates sport".

Last September he changed schools and wow, what a difference.

He now rows and he is a completely different child.

He is on the B team (out of three) after only one term and loves it.

It is a question of finding a sport they like, which is not easy, but it IS possible.

What about tennis, squash? Running? It maybe that he doesnt enjoy Rugby and Football because his hand/eye co-ordination isn't so good.

Keep at it and find out if there is something else he can excel at other than the "mainstream". And it is kind of cool to do something out of the ordinary.

When me DS talks to his mates from his old school they think it is really cool that he is now rowing, something they cannot do.

[tacticalfloosy]

Funny, rowing was my sport too. It is an excellent sport for the malcoordinated, AND you get to sit down

i think these days the juniors are supposed only to do sculling (2 oars each) which is better for your back. This also means that if you are a non-team type you can go and scull away by yourself which some love.

[bruffin]

Forgot DS has started a gocarting club after school once a month at the moment. They seem to have negotiated a discount of a third at the local track.

[earthamogg]

Thanks for all those new posts, everyone. It seems there is hope after all; it's very heartening to read stories of people having similar experiences to DS, and then finding something they could enjoy doing. Rowing might well be a good option, and I think the school he is going to might even do it. I think the breakthrough will be for him to find something he can persevere at long enough to make some progress, so he can enjoy the achievement and get some confidence. I feel a lot more positive after reading everyone's advice.

[maria1665]

My son is similarly sports averse, but started going to karate with his dad (who is sports mad).

This has really worked out, in part because the instructor is wonderful and his side kick is part of the Olympic squad. (We are out in the sticks and the club trains in a tiny school hall - I can't believe how lucky we are.)

Doing the karate has really improved his coordination, and balance, which he had none of before. He is now starting to ride his bike more and is just more physically confident.

Doing something with his dad has really helped as well. I really aware that he is making the transition from boy to man, mentally and physically. Maybe your DH could physically encourage the rowing if you go for that option.

[CMOTdibbler]

I was useless at sport at school - my vision issues mean I can't hit a ball to save my life, and I hate running. Took up rowing, and was competing at national level in a year - did my confidence loads of good.

Your DS might enjoy dance/trampolining/gymnastics instead, or might not enjoy any organised sport. Which is OK too

[earthamogg]

Yes, CMOTdibbler, I was absolutely useless too, but weirdly I can now do quite a few sporty things much better than I could at school; a lot of it's in the mind, I'm convinced. Well done on your transformation into a contender!
I have wondered myself whether a martial arts class might be good, so it is interesting to hear about your DS, maria1665. Not sure how you find a good class, as there are quite a few round here, but I expect I can get some word of mouth on that. Good news is that DH is going out with DS a lot more lately to do energetic boys-type stuff and I think that's already having a bit of an effect.

[sunnydelight]

My reaction to a ball coming towards me is to duck so I totally sympathise with DS2 who is also ball sports averse. Like others we're lucky enough to be able to choose a sport each term so there's usually something he likes, sometimes he just has to put up with it.

Worst thing is he's only in Y5 at the moment but when he moves up to the high school I know all the PE teachers will assume that because he's DS1's brother he'll be equally rugby mad (DS1 is obviously a genetic throwback). They're in for a shock! I would find something your DS likes to do, outside school if necessary.

[DecorHate]

I do think that the seemingly national obsession with football is not very helpful - a boy who is not into football (even in terms of following the premiership) can feel very isolated at school, especially a small school

However some boys find it easier go get involved as they get older. My ds1 is quite shy and really couldn't cope with the rough & tumble aspect when he was younger. He will now join in a bit at playtime (but suspect he is not allowed to play with the ones who are really good!) I have other parents also say that about their ds's.

I agree with trying to find something else they are good at - swimming works for ds1.

I do worry about secondary school though - I suspect that the only school we have a chance of getting into is quite traditional about sports...

[bakes123]

you could try 1 to 1 coaching in sport and pe like in maths with kumoni