I'm not sure if abuse is happening

[BarryManilowsNose]

This is horrible. I feel sick.. I dont know if I'm reading too much into this.
My ds is 13. Dd is 3. They are like best friends and they have a good laugh together. She gets really excited when ds comes home from school and they run around having fun.
Last year on holiday, dd said something about ds touching her on her bum while I was changing her nappy. But then she says a lot of funny things. She hates me putting nappy cream on her and gets upset. Once I remember going in to ds's room because I heard her cry (they regularly cuddled up in bed for an hour before she goes To bed) he looks startled and acted withdrawn as if is caught him doing something. Again I might be imagining things.
Nothing else has happened for six months until today she put a stick between her legs and walked around laughing saying 'I've got a bum like ds, it's big and fluffy' !!! How on earth does she know what one looks like? We're all very private about getting changed and stuff. She doesnt go to a nursery where she might have seen one so how on earth? ....
Ds withdrew immediately and glanced at me looking worried I noticed from the corner of my eye. He stared at the tv and has been very quiet since. As if he knows something? He did say "how would she know that!" Before going very quiet.
So this is where I am now. What do you think? I would hate to accuse him of something so terrible and split up the family but also if something was happening I need to know
Obviously if he was doing something I would have to protect my dd. but they're so happy together it's hard to think ds would do such a thing.

[VoyageDeVerity]

Oh god what do your instincts tell you?

I have no real advice but I really feel for you. To me the things she said and the nappy changing strike me as odd as does your ds reaction. More the collective combination as opposed to one single worry if that makes sense.

[JuliaScurr]

get advice from Childline, Barnardo's, NSPCC?
terribly difficult situation for you

[BarryManilowsNose]

Will they want my details though? I would rather email if they have that service? I feel as though I'm really over reacting but it's just so odd

[Thetimes123]

Set up a webcam?

[VoyageDeVerity]

OP it really does sound like you're worried about something here. Is that what your instincts tell you?

[Joules68]

Monitor

Keep a very close eye

Just in case

[crispyporkbelly]

I think you need to talk to them seperately and ask non leading questions. Def call nspcc for advice but trust your instincts

[JustOneCuppa]

Ring the NSPCC helpline and have a chat. You can do this in confidence and it should give you an idea of how to approach this. Good luck!

[TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle]

Don't bother with Childline, they're just a counselling service for kids and will refer you to NSPCC. I wouldn't bother emailing either, just give them a call and outline your concerns. They can't force you to give any personal details.

I'm really sorry this is happening OP. I hope that your suspicions are incorrect.

[BarryManilowsNose]

I will try nspcc tomorrow. I think some non leading questions to dd is a good idea. It's tough as she's only just three so doesn't understand or speak that brilliantly just yet!
My instinct isn't working on this one. Just completely confused and hoping to god its nothing.

[SybilRamkin]

Really hope you got some good advice from NSPCC. If that doesn't work, try setting up a webcam, it might put your mind at rest.

[BarryManilowsNose]

I had a good talk with ds - we discussed boundaries etc and he's reassured me its nothing to worry about and he acted the way he did because he was so embarrassed when dd mentioned his privates as we were at my mums house! He also worried what people would think after she said it we've agreed he needs to get changed in the bathroom from now on to avoid any more barging in.
I think I might have been reading in to things too much.

[odyssey2001]

Reading too much, maybe, but you absolutely did the right thing. You didn't react immediately, you thought about it, got some advice and had a sensible and mature chat with your son. Bravo. I am so pleased for you that it came to nothing but I have a lot of respect for the way you handled it.

[avocadotoast]

Sounds like you've got a good handle on it. If you are worried though, you can call NSPCC anonymously. I had to call them a few weeks ago and they were brilliant.