I had an abortion and regret it

[Aug03]

I got pregnant very early on in my marriage and made a decision to have an abortion. I regret it and wish I could go back in time and change it, i keep thinking what my baby would look like. I only have my husband to talk to this about as i haven't told any of my family or friends.

We'd only been married for a short time when i found out, and we were living with my inlaws, MIL was (and still is) a complete bitch. she made my life hell: she would ring my husband up in work to complain about small things such as how i've folded the laundry etc, she made me feel that i was worthless as i moved to the area after marriage and couldn't get a job, one time a marriage proposal came for my husband (we're Indian!) and she took the phone call right in front of me and said "He's got married now but if you had phoned a few months ago that would have been amazing your Daughter sounds just like what we were looking for" i was so upset with this as she always made me feel i was not good enough for her son. She could have taken the phone call in another room but no she had to take it right infront of me so i could hear her.

Living with my in-laws was the most darkest time of my life and looking back i realise i was really depressed. We couldn't afford to move out just on my husband's salary and definitely couldn't move out if we had a baby too. so we both decided to have an abortion.

We are now living in our own place and i've got a job so we are stable but we've been trying for 10 months to get pregnant and nothing is happening, i keep thinking this is my punishment for having an abortion. My bitch mother-in-law keeps bringing up the subject of how we are getting old and should start a family i feel like punching her and telling her i would have had a baby now if she hadn't put me in a depression and tried to break my marriage up. I really hate her and wish i could tell her what she led us to do. Things would have been so different if she had accepted me into the family and not made me feel like a spare part. We could have carried on living with them until we could afford it and i would have had a little baby now. What annoys me more is that my husband seems to have forgotten how miserable his mother made us both, I suppose he has to have a relationship with them as they're his parents.

I don't really know what i am looking for on here maybe I just needed to tell someone or maybe ask advice on why I'm not getting pregnant now, whereas I got pregnant before. I don't really know but i feel like I'm going crazy. Also I am thinking of telling my Mum about my abortion but my husband thinks i shouldn't tell anyone - what do you think? Is it best to keep this secret or should i share with my family? I'm afraid what they're reaction will be.

Thank You and sorry for such a long post!

[NumTumDeDum]

I think that it is a difficult call telling other people. It is such a n emotive topic and many people do not understand or approve. Given your sensitivity on the subject I think you would have to be confident of the kind of response you would get. I don't think you would be at all helped by a negative reaction and I'd be worried about you feeling depressed and isolated from your family.

I had an abortion, the circumstances were different (marital rape) but it was my husband's child. I was seriously considering divorce at the time and I could not bring another child into the situation at that point. I do sometimes think I should have been able to put my feelings aside but then I remember the months of counselling that it took to get me functioning again. I think in hindsight although I will to some extent always regret it and wonder about the child, it was better not to go ahead. I am now divorced, the violence escalated.

You quite naturally feel regret because you very much want a child now. You are not being punished. It is not as easy as people think to get pregnant and many people have been trying for far longer and do eventually conceive. I think you need to try to forgive yourself and come to terms with your decision. If you neec to talk to someone try to get a referral to a counsellor through your gp or I believe Marie Stopes could help you find one.

You had your reasons, it wasn't a whim. You were ill with depression and by the sounds of it you might be slipping back into it so please do talk to your gp.