Family dilemma- help please

[Mjkp]

Hi,
I've never posted on here before but I'm at a loss at what to do so any advice would be appreciated.
I have a younger sister, we couldn't be more different, whilst I was always driven to succeed academically and on the career front, she was bent on getting drunk, doing drugs etc...
We have absolutely fantastic parents and they never lost hope for her, providing with food, money and other basic needs whenever she asked. She got pregnant in 2006, with no where to live and abandoned by baby daddy she came and stayed with me. The news of a new family member excited me and gave us all renewed hope that my sis would turn her life around.
This wasn't the case, through the whole pregnancy she was chasing after a new bloke, squandering her sure start loan on men and cigarettes.
I was there through the birth and sure enough when my little nephew was born as were my parents. Initially she didn't bond with her new son, going out every single weekend and every evening looking for a new boyfriend, whilst I continued a full time job juggling a new baby and career and life in general, of course with help from my parents.
It was apparent the during the day my nephew hadn't been fed, changed etc..during the day and i started paying for a private nursery from 4 months of age so that I had peace of mind that he was being taken care of. I received no thanks from my sis for all the things I did, instead I frustrated her, she started getting verbally and then at time physically abusive to me.
Two years down the line she got married to a guy with no job prospects( she only knew him for a couple of months) , I wasn't keen on him and he wasn't a stable influence for her or for my nephew, she moved around the corner with her new husband ( living on benefits and child tax credit) to pay for everything. With neither getting a job it wasn't long before it all unravelled - 6 weeks later she was back with me and even angrier than before.
I've been looking after and paying for my nephews every need including private school since the age of three. About 18 months ago, she met someone else ( with loads of boyfriends in between him and husband) this man is incredibly nasty and callous. On so many occasions she and him have tried to push me away out of my nephew's life, only to then beg for money because she can't provide three meals a day seven days a week. She plays this game with my parents too. In the whole time since my nephew started school she has never taken him or collected him from school, never paid dinner money, trip money uniform, snacks etc... When I've spoken to the school they say their hands are tied and there is no reason for them to inform ss as he is not neglected. Btw my mum washes all his clothes too.
The issue is now is that she is moving 250 miles away with her boyfriend as he has a new job promotion, my worry is that my nephew will be neglected, I am also stuck in a contract with the junior school to pay fees for the next term as she only told me 2 days back of her intentions to move. It's not about the money, she told me she'd pay me back but she never paid me back for anything and she doesn't have a job and never has done so these are empty words. I'm so devastated, every time I try and speak to her she puts the phone down and refuses to hear what I have to say. I was suggesting that my nephew complete the term that's paid for, giving her time to settle in and find a place to live and choose a good school. My dad went round to speak to her but she manhandled him and kicked him out of her rented house. I am scared to face her face to face because she wouldn't think twice about raising her hand to me.
I haven't been in contact with her since as I don't want to aggravate her. I'm so sad, don't know what to do. I have been in touch with organisations dealing with child care issues but the risk is that my nephew will be taken into care. Please help me someone

[Pawprint]

What an awful situation. You have been incredibly generous to your sister. However, I think you need to talk to a health visitor about your concerns. I would probably talk to the HV first and ask about whether SS should be involved.

[ratbagcatbag]

I don't think your nephew will be taken into care if you can provide a home for him.
Have you offered to have him full time for your sister? And ask for pr?

[Thumbwitch]

I am not 100% sure of this, but I'm fairly sure that SS would try to place your nephew with a family member if possible, rather than some unknown foster carer. In your situation, it would seem that you have been primarily in loco parentis to your nephew since his birth anyway, so if much of what you have done is documented, then you most likely would get care of him anyway.

However, if you DO try to take him off your sister in this way, you risk a) losing your relationship with her and b) losing him entirely if you don't get custody.

[Mjkp]

Hi, thanks for your responses. I've spoken to many of my friends who are aware of the hell that my sister has put us all through- they all think that we should just sit tight and let her have stab at parenting, you can't change a habit of a lifetime so I can only hope that she comes to her senses before its too late. I've also been in contact with child care organisations explaining the situation anonymously, there is no guarantee that my nephew would be placed with family and I can't take that risk.

[bumperella]

I don't think you can hold onto your nephew without sis's permission.
""all" you can do is leave the door open for her to hand him back to your care. Easily said, but if you can encourage her to see the option of having him live with you at the school he's settled into then hopefully IF things don't work out then he can return to you then.
It must be a heart-breaking situation for you, but no matter how feckless she has been, she is his mother.

[PeriodFeatures]

There is a history of neglect and potential environment of domestic violence.

He DEFINITELY WILL NOT be taken into care if you can provide a safe and secure home or is not at risk of significant harm. I guarantee it.

Contact them.

(I work in child protection)

[PeriodFeatures]

To be clear. Your Dsis would need to consent unless he is deemed unsafe enough to warrant a court order. Even if he is unsafe, they would be most likely to seek consent as court orders are expensive and timely. Contact the authority in which they are now resident.

If you need a hand re what to say, let me know.

[bellasuewow]

Put the child first and don't hesitate to contact the police if she hits anyone this will criminalise her yes and your parents may not be thrilled but you know you are enabling her behavior but you have to as if you don't the child is put at risk
On the moving front it sounds as if you may have less to worry about then than you think as she seems unable to cope on her own without your complete help and support I think she knows this as she has always stuck close.
You sound like a saint by the way.
Out of interest what are her responses when you challenge her has she ever spoken about the root cause of her actions

[CookieDoughKid]

I don't have the expertise to provide practical advice other than to start speaking to the authorities to see what the options are. Heart breaking as it is, this child is not yours. If she shows willful neglect and has been in the past than you have ever case to report this. Is there any harm in reporting this now to child social services? At least it will be on their radar to follow up.