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Ethical dilemmas

Friends son dilemma

23 replies

puddleduck75 · 26/02/2013 20:25

New username for anonymity and to save embarrassment as I use my regular one elsewhere and wouldn't want anyone I know stumbling upon this.

This has been on my mind since Sunday so I thought I would ask what others made of this.

I was around at my friends last week and films came up in conversation and I mentioned I wouldn't mind seeing A Good Day To Die Hard but didn't fancy going to the cinema on my own. The next day I got a phone call from my friends son who was there when I said about the film saying he wouldn't mind seeing it either and would I like to go with him. I was a bit taken aback but said okay. I should mention he is 17.

We went on Sunday. I'm not sure quite how to put this but while we were watching the film he had trouble keeping his hands to himself.

I'm sort of flattered but not sure what to do. I can't really tell my friend. I don't think she even knows we went together.

OP posts:

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RambleOn · 26/02/2013 20:29

You went to the movies with your friends 17yo DC and didn't mention it

LynetteScavo · 26/02/2013 20:31

I hope you were really firm with him!

You need to mention to your friend that you went to see the film.

pinkyredrose · 26/02/2013 20:32

Um . . why doesn't your friend know you went together? Why keep it secret?

If it were me I would certainly say to my friend "hey your boy wants to see the same film as me, are you comfortable with us going together?"

Sorry but the secrecy sounds very odd to me.

AMumInScotland · 26/02/2013 20:32

What did you do at the time? If I got groped by a 17yo, I'd tell them to stop it right away. And would leave the cinema if he wouldn't. In fact if I got groped by anyone who invited me to the cinema on that basis I'd give them a piece of my mind.

Maybe you need to practice saying no and meaning it? Feeling flattered doesn't really cut the mustard.

FaceLikeAPickledOnion · 26/02/2013 20:33

Although he's 17, he's still a young lad. Don't embarrass him by grassing him up to his mum, but do tell him that although you're flattered, he should find somebody willing of his advances in future.

pinkyredrose · 26/02/2013 20:33

Ps. OP how old are you?

SavoyCabbage · 26/02/2013 20:35

I don't think it's odd to go to the cinema with him at all, but I would have had it arm off if he'd tried to grope me!

puddleduck75 · 26/02/2013 20:51

I didn't think of it as being a secret, but I would be embarrassed to tell her now, and it isn't like he is a little kid so don't feel I should be telling tales.

OP posts:

puddleduck75 · 26/02/2013 20:53

I moved his hand off me but it kept wandering back. It wasn't really groping.

OP posts:

puddleduck75 · 26/02/2013 20:53

I'm 37.

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FaceLikeAPickledOnion · 26/02/2013 20:59

Op, so what exactly is the ethical dilemma?
You aren't going to tell her.
You pushed him away...

Unless, you liked the wandering hands and wanted that to happen, and now you're not sure what to do

pinkyredrose · 26/02/2013 21:27

Oh come on OP! You're 20 yrs older than your friends son and you were 'sort of flattered'? Are you really that desperate for male attention?

What do you expect us to say?

Best scenario is you don't go to the cinema with him again and chalk it up to experience. Thing is what if he mentions to his mum, your friend, that you went to the cinema? What will you say then?

I really think you should tell her, she's your friend after all? How would you feel if she kept something like this from you?

pinkyredrose · 26/02/2013 21:29

Oh and I really wouldn't feel 'flattered' if I was you. Horny 17yr old boys can turn on the wandering hands for anyone.

HollaAtMeBaby · 26/02/2013 21:49

Well, I am not much younger than you and am a terrible cougar, so no judgement here. When you next see your friend, casually drop into conversation that you went to the film together, but don't mention the wandering hands!

puddleduck75 · 28/02/2013 13:56

I'm going to drop it into the conversation about going with him as if she already knew, which she may well.

OP posts:

puddleduck75 · 28/02/2013 21:06

When I left work tonight I switched my phone on and found I had a voicemail from him asking if I fancied meeting up and doing something this weekend!

OP posts:

amillionyears · 28/02/2013 21:14

Agree with Face.
You dont need to tell your friend right now. Actually everything she said at 20.33pm
You could tell your friend in the future, when he has a girlfriend. Even then, I hope your friend would be discreet and not embarass her son.

OrangeLily · 28/02/2013 21:15

Tell your friend right now! Seriously right now. Get Mumsnet and get on the phone.

You are the adult here and he is the child.

If you don't speak to her then you are going to have a major issue.

amillionyears · 28/02/2013 21:17

Why do you have the urge to tell your friend. I dont understand this.

And you are going to have to put the son straight.
Though I get the impression that you are tempted to see him again.

puddleduck75 · 28/02/2013 21:28

To be honest I'm in a quandary about telling his mum. I want to be honest and open but don't want to look a fool or make things awkward for him as it's not like he is a little kid.

OP posts:

deemented · 28/02/2013 21:35

Being blunt, i can't help but wonder if you aren't more than a bit flattered by his attention and want to have sex with him. But feel bad because he's your friends son and it'd be awkward.

How far off the mark am i? Not far, i reckon...

AMumInScotland · 01/03/2013 09:40

You need to tell your friend about the fact you went to the cinema together - if you don't, then it will look as if you and her son are keeping a deep dark secret. You don't need to make a big deal of it, just comment how much you enjoyed the film and ask if her son enjoyed it, or is he a big film fan, or just any vague comment which mentions you, him, and cinema in the same sentence. Then if she looks blank or confused you say "You did know we met up and saw Die Hard didn't you?" as if it was no big deal but maybe he hadn't happened to mention it.

You don't need to mention his wandering hands, but if you keep the whole thing secret it will look like a "date" if and when she finds out about it, and that makes it likely to cause ructions.

As to the young man - if he was a random 17yo, I'd say it was up to you whether you thought it was worth the accusations of cradle-snatching to spend time with him. But he's not a random 17yo, he's your friend's son, and therefore almost certain to cause a falling out between you and her, and any friends you have in common, if you pursue this.

Phone or text him back and say no thanks. Even if you enjoyed it and would like more. It's totally not worth the grief it would cause, not just for a quick fling with a toyboy.

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ScentedNappyHag · 01/03/2013 09:47

OP, do you fancy him? Because really, that changes everything.

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