This is probably going to sound ridiculous, but I have concerns for the welfare of an unborn child. I am seriously considering getting in touch with someone from child protection services, but not sure if they would listen to me or laugh me out of the building. I need to know whether people think this sounds serious or whether I am just over-reacting.
This person is my friend, or was until I tried to coax her into using the money she received from the Government to buy things for the baby instead of wasting them on silly things like going to the cinema twice a week, buying loads of expensive food at the cinema, taking taxis everywhere and buying expensive takeaways to eat everynight for dinner. However unhealthy but tasty they may seem.
The mother has no money, no job and was homeless up until a couple of months ago. She is very negative towards her 'bump' and is constantly moaning at it and about it on facebook, about how its all the bump's fault that she is sick all the time and why her back is sore etc etc, it seems to be more than just a normal pregnant woman complaining that her back is sore, its almost as if she resents the baby, but is relishing the attention it gets her...
She is also obsessed with making sure no one 'labels' her child, so none of her friends or family are allowed to buy anything blue or pink, she has not told anyone what she is having and is keeping that to herself. She is demanding that people buy black or white clothes for the child. I am worried here, not just because of her strange attitude, but because I wonder if the gender of her child is not to her liking and this is her way of coping with it. :( This notion is so extreme that she has turned down offers of free baby items because she didnt think they were neutral enough.
She recently moved into a council flat and was given around £1000 to decorate the flat and buy appliances/furniture with it. She is also on ESA and had been on it for almost a year ( during which time she had no bills, council tax or rent to pay, just food for herself as he was living in a homeless complex awaiting a flat of her own, but had managed to waste all of it by getting taxis everywhere she went and buying takeaways every night of the week) She has spent almost all of the £1000 on a new colour scheme for her living room, which included throwing away a free couch that was given to her in favour of buying one that matched the colours she wanted and a ridiculous sum on fancy wallpaper and paint, she doesnt have any carpets down in the flat and managed to buy a fridge freezer and a cooker second hand from whatever money was left over.
She also has problems with hygiene, namely that she doesn't wash very often, herself or her clothes and she brushes her teeth about twice a week, I'm worried about what she plans to teach her child about hygiene when she does seem to believe it is important herself.
When she found out she was pregnant, she had also just split from the baby's dad (not because she was pregnant, but because he was sick fed up of supporting her financially when she didn't want to find herself a job but wanted to sit about playing games on facebook) she attempted suicide, and has since been seeing a mental health nurse once a week. The nurse was recently at her flat for a meeting and had a look round at the progress that was being made, she has told the mother that she must finish a room completely, get flooring down and get the baby's room ready before the health visitor comes up for the first visit. The baby is due in 7 weeks, and i personally can't see that happening.
The baby's father has purchased a cot for her and a changing table, he also gives her money and his family have gave her lots of second hand baby items including a pram, moses basket, blankets and clothes as she cannot afford to buy them herself. All she had ready herself was one sleepsuit! She had mentioned that she would buy 7 sleepsuits and 7 vests and wash them on rotation - as if this number of clothes would be sufficient for a baby?!? It is almost as if she is not prepared at all. I don't think she even has in nappies, wipes bibs etc for when the baby does arrive. I know she has spent around £75 on bottles, a bottle warmer and an electric steriliser, despite the fact that she plans to breast feed exclusively.....?? I know that baby's father wants the child, he would be a far superior choice of caregiver in my opinion - he has a full time job, has how own place and has a large supporting family, whilst the mother is slowly distancing herself from her family because many have voiced concerns about money, getting things organised for the baby etc and she doesnt want to hear any of it.
I suppose I am putting this up here, in part to vent a little, but also to hear others opinions. Does any of what i have said sound like it warrants a mention to Social services or am I being silly? If I thought for one second that things would change when the baby was born, and she would suddenly realise that the baby is more important than her and her colour scheme then I would not say another word about this to anyone, but I can't see any changes being made.
I have spoken to a close friend about this, and she thinks that getting the social services involved can be good thing, as they can help her to get prepared properly and help her out with getting appliances for her house etc, but I am not so sure about being the one who pulls the trigger on this.
Any help appreciated
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Ethical dilemmas
Need Advice regarding Social Services
21 replies
SNCNeedAdvice · 11/05/2012 13:42
OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor ·
11/05/2012 13:45
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