Obviously I got being a boss wrong.....again

[snapD]

A very valued member of staff gave me notice just over a week ago.

For family reasons she is moving & wants a job closer to home (her new home) so she found one & is starting there at the end of her notice period. BTW her own house isn't even on the market yet.

I was devastated and have been a bit quiet all week - not stroppy, not argumentative, not even passive agressive, but quiet (silently panicking about coping without her). I have also been poorly (ear infection, cystitus & run down) - Plus having lots of other stuff to deal with (family member dying, new site opening etc).

So I was asked today for a 'talk' tomorrow - so what do I say - I have already apologised for thinking about myself and how the business will manage rather than about how bad she feels about leaving. So what else can I do?

[dizzydixies]

who asked for the 'talk' - the lady who's leaving?

can you not just explain that she will be a huge loss to you but your being quiet has been due to the other reasons and give a few examples?

[Blueskythinker]

If she is a valued member of staff, I am sure it will be OK - You maybe need to clear the air with her and tell her you are not annoyed with her, and explain there are other things going on.

[snapD]

yep

I guess so - she is apparently 'disappointed' in my reaction to her leaving

[onepieceoflollipop]

I may have misunderstood your post but she sounds a little self-indulgent. Was she hoping for a week of you begging and pleading with her to stay? Were you not (in her opinion) devastated enough by her handing her notice in?

Sounds like you have already done more than enough, you mentioned you have already apologised for thinking about yourself and your business.

[Youcannotbeserious]

Sounds like she might be fishing for more money...

Just be clear and tell her that you wish her well etc., and that any quietness is not anoyance, more contemplation...

Still think she was after a big ol' raise though...

[snapD]

Do you think?

I was convinced I had mortally offended her or something - Is being a bit quiet a reasonable reaction? Or was it mean or eveil or something?

I haven't cried (at least not in front of her) but I think I have showed her I was upset - but I have also advertised her job and discussed the future of the company in front of her (I guess that was insensitive) = but if she is leaving the company mst go on, I can't just wait til she goes to plan? or do it in private?

[bigwombat]

You are running a business not a counselling service! You have accepted she is leaving and quietly come to terms with it. You must be allowed to start thinking of recruiting or re-organising for when she is gone. As long as she knows she is valued and will be missed, surely that is enough! Agree that perhaps she was hoping for you to beg her to stay and offer her more money...

[Youcannotbeserious]

SnapD - it is NOT unreasonable of you to discuss what will happen when she is no longer in the company.

Nor is it unacceptable to expect her to support you / other members of the team to ensure the best continuity once she's left.

No-one is irreplaceable. The sun will still rise and set without her there.

She handed her notice in... what on earth did she expect you to do? Crumble into a heap and sob at her feet and ask her how much you had to pay her to stay???????

[dramaqueen]

snapD it sounds like you have done the right thing. Be firm with her tomorrow "I'm glad you have asked for this chat, so that we can clear up any outstanding actions before you go etc". Don't give in to her emotional blackmail; no-one is indispensible (sp?).

It sounds like she is shocked at you acting so quickly to recruit her replacement. Well, tough. You are right to get someone in asap.

[snapD]

Thanks - I guess I am being insecure and a bit defensive

Psssst anyone want a job?

[Youcannotbeserious]

I'd bl**dy love one but am due to have DS in a few weeks so probably not your best candidate!!

Good luck tomorrow.

[snapD]

You don't know what I do.....do you?

Actually having a baby is OK, (I even offer subsidised childcare ) - but I guess you are not in my area

[snapD]

BTW - we got 2 mins in to the discussion & we were interrupted

[chrissnow]

You haven't been in anyway unreasonable. In fact you sound like a lovely boss. Subsidised childcare . . . If you run a chocolate making company I'm ya gal!!!! (hee hee)

[onepieceoflollipop]

What do you do? (nosey emoticon)

[snapD]

No....sorry - I'm a good boss (ish) but not perfect

[Flamesparrow]

What area are you?

[chrissnow]

Look how curious you've made people!!!
That's made my day. Hopefully cheered you up too.

[MashedUpMum]

Hi SnapD,

I'm sure you've done nothing wrong, but I do think other posters have been unfair in saying the member of staff is self-indulgent, fishing etc.

It sounds like you worked closely together, so I don't think it's unreasonable for an employer to be supportive about moving on. I'm not saying you're the same, but my boss always does the silent treatment when someone hands in their notice, particularly those who are very valued. You have to look at it from the employees' point of view - you had a good relationship and now she's worried she has to stick around for the next month with you giving her the cold shoulder. She probably fretted (as most do) about telling you of her decision to leave, and probably feels guilty as well.

The only reason I'm saying all this is because in my workplace our boss' commonplace sulky reaction to anyone leaving is always noted by everyone, and to be honest makes it an uncomfortable place to work. It doesn't sound like you've done this, but maybe other employers should consider it if they want to get the best out of their staff.

[Youcannotbeserious]

SnapD - No, I don't know what you do

but if you need a well qualified Industrial chemist with managerial experience in SE England, I'm your gal!!

Hope the 'discussion' (or what you managed of it!) put both of your concerns to one side...

[snapD]

Youcannotbeserious - If I ever need an industrial chemist, you will be the first to know

I spoke to my other staff to see if I had been sulky or standoff-ish but they all said that I had been quiet for several weeks now & that they weren't surprised as I had so much family stuff on atm

[onepieceoflollipop]

Oh go on tell us...what do you do? (whiney tone)

[snapD]

Care work - fulfilling but not terribly exciting tbh

[Youcannotbeserious]

Neither is being an Industrial Chemist

Actually, that's not very fulfilling either....

[snapD]

lol