Why do I find managing people such a struggle? Desperately need some top tips

[bluejelly]

I have recently been put in charge of 5 members of staff. 4 of them I get on with brilliant. One of them is a right handful-- one minute being paranoid and rude, the next being super sweet, sending me 'joke' emails etc. I can't make head nor tail of her attitude, she is relatively good at the job and I give her credit where credit is due.

Am at a loss as to how to handle her. Any advice?

[No1ErmaBombeckfan]

At arm's length with a cattle prod??

[llareggub]

When you say "in charge," what do you mean? Are you the line manager with responsibility for performance management, discipline, development, appraisal etc? Do you have a HR team?

[ara]

she sounds a bit over-familiar which might be one of the reasons she feels she can be rude and difficult. i would not encourage sending of 'joke' emails and such like if i were you, just to help demarcate a clear boundary.

[llareggub]

Were you previously one of the team?

[gigglewitch]

like llareggub says - gimme a bit more info on the context and can you give a clue what type of work you are in?

ROFL @ cattle prod

[bluejelly]

sorry was stuck on a long thread!
We were never part of the same team, though we have worked together before. I am a journalist and they are researchers...

[bluejelly]

I am not responsible for approx half of their daily work, although am not technically their line manager-- so it's not up to me what they get paid or when they can take their holidays. I do have input into their appraisals though, and have to monitor their daily work.

[llareggub]

OK.

Communication is key. Tackle things when they are small. Take the email thing, you need to make your feelings on it clear now.

Do they see you as being "in charge?" It might be worth you thinking that one through. Do you act as a leader? I don't mean be officious etc, but do you join in with the gossip, banter and funny emails? Are you giving mixed messages?

I would suggest regular meetings with the person who does the appraisals etc to formalise the input you have.

[bluejelly]

Good advice, thanks.
I am not sure they see me as being in charge enough, I have only been responsible for people for a few months.
I don't usually respond to funny emails, if I do it's with one or two words. I do try and tackle small things though, and try and give lots of constructive feedback.
It seems to work with the others ( they are all coming on in leaps and bounds). But with this one employee I am struggling.
How can I behave more like a leader?

[gigglewitch]

can you arrange for a regular 'meeting' where you generally take the lead and find out how the projects which you are all working on are fitting together? This would give you a great chance to take a role where they see that you are the one with the 'steering wheel' as it were and you are seen to be co-ordinating the whole thing.

[llareggub]

Tricky one this. Does your organisation want you to be the one to sort this out? Have you ahd any people management training? If not then investigate some, it would be worth it.

Otherwise, chat this through with the person who is officially her line manager to get their perspective. Put aside the issue of you being in charge for a moment. Is her attitude a reaction to your attitude in any way? Could you take her aside and talk it through with her?

If so, choose a time when you won't be interputted. Try and tell her how you feel when she is rude. Make it more about how she makes you feel rather than what you think she is thinking/feeling. Sort it out as colleagues rather than you being the "boss" IYSWIM. What do you think motivates her?

[gigglewitch]

BTW I have always done this sort of thing weekly - it really helps even if the get-together is informal, they all see how their part fits in and stop competing with each other, and although it may take a short time you will be registered in their minds as the 'head organiser' or the one who keeps the whole thing rolling IYSWIM!

[llareggub]

Managers in my organisation do more than ignore funny emails. They aren't tolerated at all but that isn't true of many, I know.

[bluejelly]

Thanks for all your advice. A weekly meeting might be a good idea. And I will talk it through with their line manager. I was reluctant to as I didn't want to admit failure so soon into my new role. But maybe that's me being paranoid!

[bluejelly]

My organisation does offer people management training but only for those technically above my level (if you see what I mean). Perhaps I need to ask for some!
Sadly funny emails are fairly widely tolerated amongst junior staff-- I would never send one myself though.

[llareggub]

It isn't failure if you approach it correctly. You can do it in terms of checking his/her perspective before tackling it, t see if it is a common prblem or not.

[llareggub]

Google to GROW model for coaching. You might find it a helpful way to structure your discussions with your tricky person.

[bluejelly]

Thanks for the tip.
I presume managing people gets easier the more you do it? ( please say yes!)

[llareggub]

Yes, your confidence will grow. But people remain as tricky as ever. Just as well for people like me, really, as I work as an HR Consultant advising managers who are often tackling difficult people issues.

The thing we come across time and time again is that if only things had been tackling sooner, it wouldn't have become such a big issue.

Situational Leadership is a useful method. It is a bit American so irritating if that bothers you, but the principles are sound. It is also worth you familarising yourself with HR policies and procedures, but remember, your gut instinct is important. Be confident, you can do it!

[bluejelly]

Thank you! I have spent a long time in the organisation, where alas there are many poor managers who don't address issues. I always thought i would do it so much better, would tackle things head on, but it is a lot harder than it looks!

[sparkleymummy]

By far the biggest problem I found when I started managing people was working out how to be the sort of manager people liked but not to be one of the gang. Its hard sometimes not to get involved in the chit chat and gossiping and its possible to feel a bit isolated. Its crucial though to have boundaries. A colleague of mine got into big trouble when she started going out for drinks with someone she was managing. Its hard to deliver difficult messages when your team see you as a friend.

There's a technique called the one minute manager. Hideously American "management studies" (says she the management studies graduate ) but actually a good starting technique which might be worth looking at.