feeling bullied

[chocbiscuits]

Help! Feeling bullied today after boss with raised voice got very agitated about my attendance. Also said 'You said you were leaving, why havent you gone yet?' and just before I left work sent me an email saying 'tell us now whether you are going to put in another flexible application or resign with a months notice'.

It starts as a very old story, where I am commuting long distance and have a toddler. I wrote a flexible working application to come back from maternity leave that I would work at home mondays and thursdays and take wednesdays off until Easter. Unfortunatley that left wednesdays a bit open and it turned out that on the first day back at work I had signed that I would come in on Wednesdays after Easter.

That completely didn't sink in with me at all and after Easter I just carried on with working at home Wednesdays. ONE AND A HALF YEARS later bosses suddenly noticed and decided I had to come in Wednesdays to 'drink cups of tea with people'.
We had some pretty stressful discussions with HR about whether my not coming in on Wednesdays constituted an implied contract and I eventually ended up signing a new contract with me coming in on wednesdays.

I tried it but honestly just felt like a zombie and so started taking wednesdays off annual leave. Did that before xmas, then got new annual leave entitlement in Jan so carried on (with written boss agreement) taking wednesdays off until Feb. Briefly have then discussed taking wednesdays off unpaid leave and got an email saying that should be fine, we should have a discussion about it and I will check it with HR. Do admit we hadn't had the discussion, but wednesday came round and I assumed it had gone through as it didn't sound like a big deal. Then got a very irate boss today with ranting and raving.
Have two other bosses who are away at the moment.
I have provable work output which seems fine...
Now been told am not allowed to take Wednesdays off any more, either paid or unpaid.

[chocbiscuits]

Sorry mistake, I meant that the original flex application was to work at home Tuesdays and Fridays, to go to work Mondays and Fridays and to take wednesdays off until Easter (this is 2006).

[flowerybeanbag]

Hello chocbiscuits I remember you and your saga about coming in on Wednesdays!

So the upshot in the end was that you agreed to come in Wednesdays and signed a contract to that effect, did that for a bit then started taking them as annual leave? I do think that, given all the hefty negotiations there were about this issue, you 'assuming' that it was suddenly absolutely fine to not come in on Wednesdays without 100% written confirmation of that was a bit silly and really didn't help your cause at all.

Your agreement in the end was that you would come in Wednesdays, you haven't been doing it but they are saying you must. Which is fair enough.

However what is not fair enough is the way you are being treated. Nothing wrong with them trying to make you do what was agreed, and you should be doing it really. But saying things like 'why haven't you gone' and pressurising you to give in your notice are not acceptable at all and are leaving them very vulnerable legally to the possibility of a constructive dismissal claim.

You have a staff rep don't you, have you spoken to him/her about this? I think the time has come for you to make a serious decision about what you want to do. You have agreed to work Wednesdays, are you actually prepared to do this or not? If you are, you may want to consider bringing a grievance about the way your boss is behaving the comments that have been made and the 'ranting and raving'.
If you are not actually prepared to come in on Wednesdays as agreed, you should probably resign tbh. The comment about 'weren't you going to leave' is completely unacceptable, but you have mentioned a few months ago to a boss that you were planning to leave haven't you? Have you taken that plan any further forward?

As I find myself saying often, you need to identify what aspects of your working situation you are unhappy about. You need to decide what for you would represent a positive and realistically achievable outcome. And you need to work out what action you can take to achieve it.

If a positive realistically achievable outcome for you isn't going to be staying where you are, you need to take steps to leave. I have to run now without reading this through because my juice is about to run out and my lead is downstairs! I'll be back and read through again tomorrow.

[chocbiscuits]

Hello FBB,

OOf can't sleep now, left toddler in bed with his dad.
Thanks for calming influence. Agree it was a bit silly with hindsight about the unpaid leave. Guess I was just being optimistic. I think boss is blowing hot and cold, by sounding really laid back about the situation then suddenly jumping in with all guns blazing.

I did tell them it is my intention to leave, however, I've wanted to be a scientist since I was 11, and jobs at my stage or higher are rare as hens teeth . I wrote a grant for a 5 year job, someone wrote me onto a grant for a 2 year contract, and I applied for high-up job (not holding out much hope for that). None of these will come in until about April. Oh and I'm thinking of trying to start something up. And I looked into freelance a bit, but I want to research really.

I guess the best thing is to write another flexible, yuky though that sounds. At least they'll have to come up with a sensible reason that doesn't mention tea.
Unfortunately we are tight to a meeting deadline and I haven't managed to do ANYthing today....
I shall contact staff rep or union and consider grievance.

[flowerybeanbag]

Would it really be so terrible to come in on Wednesdays? If you do put in another flexible working request I would strongly advise you consider a compromise - every other Wednesday or something. And definitely address their concerns. I know it sounds flippant saying about having cups of tea, but what that means, expressed poorly, is that they want to see a bit more 'presence' in the office, keeping in touch with people, showing your face a bit more. These are valid points to make and you should address them with a compromise, otherwise you're just going round and round in circles. You are right they will need to come up with a better reason than cups of tea, but they can and will, so better to address it and deal with it as the proper issue it actually is.

Do talk this all through with your rep and discuss the possibility of a grievance, although I have to say, regardless of whether a grievance is justified or not, I would think the more positive, beneficial action to take would be to address their concerns as I've mentioned above, while pursuing your other options externally, rather than get bogged down in more arguments which will result from a grievance. Your relationship with your boss/the organisation will not improve if you bring a grievance, but it will if you can address the concerns and come to a compromise while you are still there. That way you can focus on positive actions to move you forward rather than the stress and hassle that a grievance will bring. If you do want to leave, which I think long-term is probably best, leaving on a better, more positive note will help you and will also help your reference if that might be a concern.

Do think hard about what outcome you want. I don't usually tell people what outcome I think they want as it is important they come to that conclusion themselves. But I think actually the best outcome for you would be to find another job and make your last few months where you are as bearable and positive as possible, allowing you to focus on finding something new. I may be wrong, but that's my view of your situation.

[chocbiscuits]

You're absolutely right FBB that finding another job is my definite plan. But, have a feeling it might be difficult as have one son who's now 2.5 yrs and just think no-one will give me a job because they might expect me to go off pregnant straight away.

Yes I find it pretty terrible going in three days a week. It's a long old drive. They previously muttered something about team work so when I did my trial coming in on wednesdays I expected them to do something new in particular in a team-work way, that you couldn't do by chatting on the email. But in fact everyone is so busy they can't and don't really chat. Nearly everyone refused tea as too busy and some days people barely speak to each other anyway. We've just got to do the work by a certain date for a meeting or something.
Whats the point in coming in just to sit there when everyone's too busy to do anything together anyway??? I might as well stay at home as more likely to get a chat on the email!

[flowerybeanbag]

If it's a long drive that would be helped by not having to do it every week. And regardless of whether you think people are too busy to talk to therefore it's a waste of time, they are valid concerns they are making, and the better compromise to suggest would be that it's not every week, and to suggest team meetings, lunches or coffee together or something for the days you are in. Addressing their concerns even if you think they are pointless and silly will earn you a lot more goodwill.

And don't have too much of a defeatist attitude about not being able to get a job because you already have a son either, try to think a bit more positively, thousands of women have young children and get jobs!

[chocbiscuits]

Yet more in the saga!

Yes, flowery promise to be less defeatist! And doing teamwork/chat etc.

Phoned the union guy, who's not happy about them suddenly denying me the holiday. So that is a good thing on my side. He said he would support me bringing a grievance if I wanted.

The other thing is that as far as I can tell boss spent Friday afternoon drawing a massively complicated table of all Wednesdays since September. On its he's written which one's I'd taken as holiday (this was I after I managed to find nearly all the emails asking for holidays on pain of being sacked as they didn't have complete records of it), and queried which ones I came in on (as in actually they can't tell). He is now trying to get me disciplined/formal warning when I have two query attendance days, one of which I drove my boy to the Doctors for a checkup.
The days I think I came in on but actually no-one can tell were last October, I've been told we can get swipe card data to prove I was in the building. Definitely I was either in or requested holiday - there's no question about it.

(A) Isn't this slightly weird, it seems he's been obsessing about it all Friday? Do I really have to provide swipe card data?

(B) How many days would I have to miss to get disciplined/warned?
They have sprung this no holiday thing on me suddenly when I was expecting to be able to take Wednesdays as holiday for at least a couple of months more and can only apply for childcare on a weekly basis at my son's nursery until April so may have no options?

[flowerybeanbag]

If you are sure you came in then surely swipe card data will work in your favour? Definitely nothing wrong with them wanting it if there is a question mark.

Your 'query' attendance days, if there is a possibility you just didn't turn up for work, that could well be a disciplinary issue - there's nothing written down about how many days you must miss particularly. The day when you missed work to take your son to the doctor, was that booked in as annual leave or anything? An appointment for a check-up which you knew about wouldn't count as emergency dependent's leave so there is no reason they would have to let you take that off as paid or unpaid leave, particularly if you did so without arranging it.
Your childcare arrangements are not their concern unfortunately. You didn't have anything arranged that you would not have to come in on Wednesdays so it's not their fault you have no childcare arranged for a day which is in effect a normal working day for you. Holiday is presumable granted at their discretion so without anything in writing that you could always be off on Wednesdays, you don't have any reason to moan about lack of childcare.

According to your OP in this thread you took holiday on Wednesdays with agreement of your boss until Feb which is obviously fine, but then discussions moved from taking holiday to taking unpaid leave, which wasn't confirmed. So I'm not sure where the 'denying you holiday' comes in that your union rep is unhappy about, or the assumption on your part that you'd be able to continue taking Wednesdays as holiday until April.

Cooperate with the swipe card data, there's no reason not to and to make a fuss about it will be seen as obstructive, which isn't going to help you. Make sure you have proof of all the holiday requests (and approvals) and think about those times when you didn't go in, what approval did you have and on what basis were you not going in, was it annual leave, agreed unpaid leave, or what. Have that all clear in your head and on paper.