Hubby doesn't like me working.....

[Chipstick]

but I love it and wouldn't give it up for the world. Since having DC I have worked 3 days per week justifying my working by saying it got three days whilst family got 4 .

On the days I work, my hubby takes the children to school - 9/10 he collects as well from afterschool club.

My job share is now leaving and I have the opportunity to increase my days. My employer would love full time but I have negotiated that they would be happy with 4 with a full pay review to cover any extra childcare such as after school club/holiday club.

Now I have to broach the subject with Hubby - do you think I am asking too much and should just be satisfied with what I already do?

[Tinker]

"do you think I am asking too much and should just be satisfied with what I already do?"

Um, no. Why doesn't he like it?

[Chipstick]

Guess he finds it stressful getting them ready and out the door for school on the 3 mornings he does it.

Its strange isn't it - as a woman you just get on with it yet on the days I work I generally get all their things ready, clothes hung up ready, bags n shoes by the doors etc yet DH would never give that a second thought on the days I work.

My dh is fantastic and I love him to bits, but he is not very communicative about anything and we could and do spend an entire evening in silence - so when I ask him about perhaps working extra he says yes but then later he'll make a sarccy comment about mummy never being there for example

[foxinsocks]

so he's working and doing drop offs and pick ups? so in his mind, you're thinking of working more and he's thinking, that's me working full time AND dropping off the kids AND picking them up every day?

because that's what I'd be thinking iyswim

is there no way you could do one end of the childcare equation? so he does drop offs, you do pick ups? or you maybe help out at one end for half of the week?

I think you need to think of yourself re your working career. And I cannot STAND sarcy comments like that (that he makes) - you need to have it out with him, man to man. It may be that he's finding the childcare bits a strain but he needs to tell you that.

[nooka]

If it's what you want to do, and you think it will work, then you should go for it. However it may be that you will need to review your childcare arrangements if they are likely to cause stress for your dh. I find days when I drop off the kids and pick them up too quite stressful, so I see where he is coming from on that front. It may be that as part of your negotiations (with both work and dh!) you split the drop off/pick up, so that one of picks up and one drops off? Is there a breakfast club maybe for more flexibility in the mrning? Or what about if you did three full days and two half days instead of four full days?

[Chipstick]

Thanks for all your comments and help.

Because he works shifts he has 10 wkends off per year, the rest of his rest days fall during the week. Quite frequently he drops the kids off then has an entire day home alone (my idea of bliss!) before picking them up later. I guess this is why I feel that he is perhaps being a little unfair. Yes its stressful on the days he has to work (which is 2 miles away from school - my work is 23 miles) but I think he gets opportunity for chill out time more than I do (which is generally nil like most mums.

[pointydog]

what does he object to exactly?

[Chipstick]

Being left alone with the kids - he likes doing everything 'as a family' - but that just makes his life easier doesn't it.

[pointydog]

yes, he wants an easy life. So do we all I suppose. But it's unfair on you.

Can he be tempted by the extra money you'll bring in? Will you be able to pay for a family weekend away or something?

[Chipstick]

Thats the ironic thing he often makes comments about wanting a BMW or going to Florida etc - I earn a really good salary and could justify buying those things but it seems he doesn't want the hassle that goes with it?

[CeciC]

I am sorry to hear this situation, but unfortunately that it is very common for Hubbies. If you could work, cleaning all the childcare and everything else, without them having to help too much, then, they are happy. Most of the dads I know, would understand your DH attitude.