Really upset at how this job turned out - how can I move on ?

(18 Posts)
Annhod Sat 12-Oct-13 19:04:40

Hi, first time I've ever posted on MNs. Here goes : Sorry its so long,

I started a new part time job last February. Before I'd worked full time, quite senior, but wanted to shift into slower gear. Initially it seemed ideal - small husband and wife firm, she was going on mat leave, they needed someone to do all the accounts and office stuff.

What a nightmare. He moans about her behind her back all the time. I never responded. The accounts were a mess, I fixed them all up. She came back to work a month ago, immediately reduced my hours (this was after he'd asked me to work extra) and generally had a face like a wet weekend on the few occasions I saw her. (In all I've only seen her 6 times).

Only me in the office, as he's out on site most of the time. He works 7 days a week, long days, it doesn't take a genius to see he's struggling. he even disappeared for a week during the summer. All through this I've been really flexible, working whatever hours he wanted me, he specifically said that he would have to get someone else if I couldn't do more than the initial 12 hours the job description said.

I never got a contract, it was supposed to be there on my first day (she'd told the agency she'd do it) then she went off to have the baby, he asked me to draft my own, which I did (I used to do this in my previous role) then he changed his mind, saying he'd employ HR consultant, it never happened.

So I decided life is too short, applied for another job, went for an interview last week and was offered it straight away. They'd interviewed loads. Its back to doing what I used to do before, but part time. Very well respected large organisation, I'm really looking forward to it. Was walking on air.

So... I told him I was moving on. He wanted to know why. I said I wanted something more stretching, he kept pushing for more reasons, but I didn't elaborate, stayed professional. He rang next morning, saying he'd had panic attack night before, how long could I stay for. I agreed end of next week, basically giving them two weeks.

Yesterday, she popped in for five minutes. Said I was not needed next week, finished within the hour, saying she'd get her "friend" who knows about HR to respond to employment reference letter and calculate my last pay.

I didn't get into any argument, left a formal letter confirming my resignation, emailed him to say it was confusing to be asked to stay, then told to go, and wished him and the business well.

Today he rings my mobile, and kicks off. Saying my email implied I expected to be paid for next week (I didn't !) He said I didn't have a contract so wasn't entitled to accrued holiday pay. He again pushed for my reasons for leaving. I said I felt uncomfortable with them bickering and she made no attempt to be in any way friendly. He became very snide and sarcastic, saying that the problem was all mine, they hadn't given me a contract as they had doubts about me, I was a trouble maker, I twisted things and was a trouble maker. By "twisting" things I can only guess he meant that when he said to do "A" and she said to do the complete opposite, that I made the mistake of saying "this is the opposite to what she / he says, , which do you want me to do?"

I know I should just brush it off, but I feel all tearful and crushed. Worrying about the reference they might give me, what if they don't give me a p45 etc etc. Its come as a shock, because I've never had this kind of reaction before. I've worked for over 30 years. I've left other jobs with glowing references, and I know that I did my level best. What's the best way to get over this ?? I don't want another sleepless night. I am a natural worrier, hate arguments and hate people disliking me. I'd love to be the kind of person who treats things like this as water off a ducks back, one thought I have is that this could be a good opportunity to start practising !! Any hints on how to do this gladly accepted :-)

Happyperson123 Sat 12-Oct-13 20:15:49

Oh dear - I can understand how you feel and of course you'll be worried until you start at your new job.

There's not much advice I can give because I know no matter what anyone says you'll still worry about it.

Just think though - it's not long before your new job - please try and make the most of your weeks holiday - get all the jobs done in the house you've been neglecting and stay as busy as you can.

Good luck x

Annhod Sat 12-Oct-13 20:44:29

Thank you Happyperson 123, I feel better just from writing the sorry tale down. And having a good cry.

One of my dd is back home from working abroad at short notice for a few days next week, so now I get to spend it all with her :-)

TBH I feel a bit sorry for my ex boss, he's borrowed to the hilt, works 7 days a week and has a very high maintenance wife. Poor sod

EBearhug Sat 12-Oct-13 23:02:40

You're entitled to a P45 by law, so they can't refuse it.

You have rights, even if you never got a formal contract. Also, employment contracts don't have to be written down, they can be verbal, but obviously life will be easier if they are. Technically, you've entered into a contract as soon as you accept an offer of employment.

http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1577

If I were you, I'd find out my rights, and if they don't come up with things like the pay you expect (including holiday pay if that is relevant), or a P45, I'd right to them stating what I expect them to supply. And then take a deep breath and be glad I didn't stay longer, and move on.

It does sound like he's struggling a bit, but that doesn't excuse him treating staff badly.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Sat 12-Oct-13 23:37:13

I thought employers weren't allowed to give a bad reference? It's a good one or not at all?

starsandunicorns Sat 12-Oct-13 23:50:23

I never got my p45 from 2 angenices I have worked for when I began with my new job I went onto emergancy tax but called the tax office and told them I changed jobs and that I wasnt working with the last angency tax sorted out within 2 weeks hope that helps glad you have a new job

Annhod Sun 13-Oct-13 18:46:52

thanks for the support, I definitely had a wobble yesterday after he rang, but then who wouldn't ? At first I couldn't figure out what the hell he meant when he said that I was "causing trouble and twisting things." Today the penny dropped... a few weeks ago he said he was going to sell the business and went into great detail about how he'd do it. But next time his wife came in she started banging on about their 10 year plan. So I asked how this fitted with his plan to sell. Stony silence. He hadn't said it to her. I presume she tackled him about it and he denied saying it. So easier to blame me for "twisting things". If only she knew all the other things he's said. They're welcome to each other. Roll on the new job and normal people

TheCrackFox Sun 13-Oct-13 18:54:32

Unfortunately you seem to have been working for a pair of psychos.

Thank goodness you have a new job. Just try and put it behind you.

Madratlady Sun 13-Oct-13 19:09:06

if they won't give you a good reference get one from an earlier employer. I had lots of trouble getting a reference for starting this job - 2 of the referees I gave didm;t respond to the request although there were no problems when I worked for them.

Vivacia Sun 13-Oct-13 20:36:09

Do you need their reference? How certain is your new job? Sounds to e as though they'll soon be out of your life, with you on to bigger and better things.

VivaLeThrustBadger Sun 13-Oct-13 20:39:52

Put it behind you and thank your lucky stars you've escaped.

Sounds like you have had a lucky escape!

Fill in a P46 and inform the tax office, good luck in your new job.

FacebookWanker Sun 13-Oct-13 22:50:34

I don't have a contract at the place where I work and I'm entitled to 1/2 a day for every 5 days I work. I assumed it was statutory. I guessing you just want your reference though and P45 without any other arguments. I'm sure I was even pid holiday pay she I worked in a pub over the summer at uni....

FacebookWanker Sun 13-Oct-13 22:51:25

I'm tired...sorry about the typing...I hope I'm making sense...

IComeFromALandDownUnder Sun 13-Oct-13 22:52:52

Gosh they sound so unprofessional. They are out of your life now so don't give them another second of your brain time. You are absolutely entitled to holiday pay regardless of your contract. As you were only there a short time I wouldn't offer them as referees. They sound unhinged. Good luck in your new job.

CelticPromise Sun 13-Oct-13 23:04:13

Get some advice from an employment lawyer. You have in implied contract if not a written one. Not my area but you might be entitled to more money.

And don't worry about them, they are loons.

Annhod Mon 14-Oct-13 14:09:09

thank you soooo much to everyone who replied. Icomefromalanddownunder you will be glad to hear I've been filling my brain time with nice things during my unexpected week off smile My new job is certain, I dropped my new boss an email to give her heads up they might not return ref. She's emailed back to sympathise - i like her already - and invited me to drop in to sort out giving another one.

I think unfortunately my formative years (my good irish catholic mother, I was head girl at school etc) doesn't help when it comes to dealing with people who are happy to shit on everyone else. Although funnily enough if they were doing it to my children I would scratch their eyes out, but when its against me, I don't cope so well. But you lovely people have made me feel heaps better, if ever i can return the favour i will xx

eggyhead Mon 14-Oct-13 19:15:00

Pair of idiots. You are better off out of there. Their loss... smile

Try and get a P45 out of them and if you don't get one then just complete a P46.

It is them not you so just let it go. I've had far worse job sagas than that in the past!

Best of luck in your new job.

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