Anyone find it hard to get past bullying?

(7 Posts)
sisterofmercy Fri 06-Sep-13 20:15:15

Whether it was active bullying (being 'sent to Coventry' certainly applies) or just a toxic workplace, it sounds as if you'd do well to stay away and work some where you feel more valued..

BouncyBabe98 Wed 04-Sep-13 15:49:07

Hey, I think I was bullied, wish I was sure but I'm pretty sure I was the victim of gossip behind my back. I took some stress leave after a falling out with a colleague and it started after that. The colleague I fell out with was the only person I was really close to at work and was very popular and even after they left I felt that perhaps they had turned people against me. I have no real proof though other than a few comments by people. All I know I'ms that I was devastated and isolated and felt harassed/intimidated by others at work on several occasions but with no real proof I have kept quiet.

I have lost a lot of confidence and will probably not return to work now even though we could do with the money I just don't feel I deserve to put myself through working at my old job again. I wish I knew whether it was actually bullying or just me being over sensitive but I admire anyone who has challenged people over this I just don't have the back up myself.

BerylStreep Tue 03-Sep-13 18:02:57

Thanks for the replies.

I met with the HR person, and had a long (and I suspect rambling and a bit incoherent) chat with her about what happened. I told her how it had affected me, and that it was igniting previous stress - she said she could tell that I was finding it stressful (rash down neck etc).

She said she was really surprised to hear about it, as knowing us both, and seeing us work together she had no idea that there had been problems in the past.

She tried to persuade me to let him back into the management structure, with her quality assuring my annual appraisal. I tried to explain that my appraisal was the least of my worries - I was more concerned about him abusing his authority and bullying me.

It was sort of left up in the air - she said if it remains as is, she will have to justify that to the SMT, which doesn't bother me. She said to continue with things as they are in the meantime.

sisterofmercy Tue 03-Sep-13 17:55:26

I sympathise and I remember it took me quite a few years to get over it. Hopefully the new HR Manager will have seen reason as they'd be daft to put too colleagues who don't perform well together back together. It's just not efficient and might cost them in the long run. If you have any union support then remember to take advantage of it where necessary.

I hope the chat went well and all is now resolved!

Yeah I totally sympathise. But, it sounds like he new HR manager and your manager are aware it would be a bad idea (to reinstate bully) so at least thats something ?
How did your chat with HR go ?

Lovemynailstoday Thu 29-Aug-13 17:30:01

I sympathise. Happened to me and I left my job. If I see anyone from old workplace, though, it all comes flooding back. I think bullying goes to the very core of who you are. It's horrible but amazingly commonplace. Not sure what to advise really, but I would make sure HR are fully aware/reminded of what happened and that you need protection from the bully on a permanent, ongoing basis.

BerylStreep Thu 29-Aug-13 17:01:32

I was bullied by my then line manager about 3 years ago. It was awful.

We went to mediation, and various things were agreed - primarily him being told he had to back off. I later discovered that even after mediation, he was actively trying to bully, but by getting others to do it for him. As a result, he was removed as my line manager, although still working in the same Department.

Things have been fine since then, and in fact, to the untrained eye, everyone would think we have a brilliant working relationship. I have actively tried to put it behind me and to try to foster a good working relationship.

We got a new HR manager recently, who has queried the line management structure, and wants to reinstate the previous manager as my line manager. My existing manager advised her it wasn't a good idea, and said that it may need to go back to mediation. I had a quick chat with the HR manager today on the phone, and she told me she wasn't aware of any of the background, and I am meeting her for an informal chat tomorrow to make her aware of what went on.

So far, so good. Except that all of today I have been really distracted, and going over and over again what happened in my head. I have that awful tight feeling in my chest and my throat, like I might start crying any moment. I honestly thought I was over it all, but it feels as raw now today as it did 3 years ago.

Don't know why I am posting really - I just need to get it off my chest I suppose.

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