time off with sick child

[laxi]

Im seperated from my husband and am living with my parents with my 4yr old son. I work full time in a school with an autistic child. Iv been very stressed out with my situation last few months and am not coping well with the seperation.despite this my employer has told me she feels i have worked and coped well at work as i am always very hard working.i have taken time off with my own sickness as i get poorly quite often and suffer badly with migraines but i am still in the process of running back and forth to doctors and hospital appointments for this. I have gone to work with it on a few occasions where iv had to come home. On friday my son was ill with flu symptoms-vomiting,temp,coughing constantly. By sat night he was better but by sunday eve he was really bad again, so i called work to say i wont be in due to his sickness again. My employer responded saying why not leave him with my mum or sister.my mum is over 60 and also has flu at the moment,and my sister has 4kids and works full time as a teacher.she asked if some1 could have him tomorrow, in his state, when there is no1 else and how can i leave him with a childminder when he is vomiting evry so often. I feel as though im being looked at someone who is taking 'too much' time off or isnt trying hard enough to be at work when that is my main aim,to be at work. but i cant prevent it. Iv alwys been very hardworking and still am. Feeling very down and now feel rather than worrying about my son,iv been left feeling guilty and feel like going into work WITH my son :(

[Battlefront]

I sounds like your employer has been trying very hard to be supportive and has recognised that you are in a difficult situation and doing well in the circumstances.

However, if you look at it from your employer's (and colleagues' ) POV you have had a lot of time off. There is no automatic right to time off with a sick child - where I work it has to be taken unpaid, it's amazing how people do manage to find an alternative when faced with losing a day's pay (or report in sick themselves )

Why is it you who needs time off for your sick son? Why can't his father care for him?

I hope you both feel better soon

[flowerytaleofNewYork]

In circumstances where you've already had a fair amount of time off, and your employer knows you have family locally, including your mum who is only in her 60s, I think it's absolutely fine to ask you whether either your mum or your sister is able to have him.

Fair enough, your mum is ill and your sister is working, but I don't think there's anything wrong with them asking the question.

Are you being paid for the time off with your son? You are entitled to emergency unpaid time off, but not paid.

Plus what Battlefront said, unless your ex is now living a long way away, he should be taking it in turns with you to take time off work to look after your son. Is he going to do tomorrow?

[hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman]

The school (special school so similar situation to you) I used to work in would allow you one day as an emergency in this situation after the first day you would be expected to make other arrangements for the sick child unless they were in hospital. Time taken would be unpaid.

[annh]

It does sound as if the school have been supportive under the circumstances. Did I understand that you work with an autistic child. I presume this means that if you are not there, there is no-one to support this child and with their SN it's not just a matter of switching another member of staff to look after them. What kind of childcare do you normally use for your son? You mentioned that you live with your "parents" - if your mum is ill, couldn't your dad look after your son? Also, although it would be an imposition, surely if your son is ill, he will not be very active anyway so your mum might have been able to manage for at least school hours to allow you to work?

[laxi]

i have been at my mums since august. I have not taken any time off for my son in that time. I didnt explain that my mum is not in good health in general, she has alot of checkups and appointments where me and my sister take her in turns, she is unwell most of the time but at the moment she also has flu. even though she struggles herself most of the time the last time my son was unwell, I still left him with her, when i got home, she looked tired and exhausted and i felt very guilty.following day she was in bed most of the day. My dad died when I was 2. My husband has been asked to stay away from us by the police because he has been behaving "inappropriately" in front of my child and towards me. But is desperate to get back with me. So I have asked that he stays away and thinks about what he has been like before we decide what we do next. The police have adviced that I dont contact him either for a while. Its all just very complicated at the moment. Im not sure if i get paid for the time off i take to look after him but I would prefer to be told that i wont be paid. i know i do my job well and work hard as i am always told this by everyone at work. my child isnt very active at the moment, but he is vomiting and has diarrheoa and temp. he's been constantly going to the toilet(doctor said he has gastroenteritis which is contageous). i just feel im trying my best to do the best for my child but also at work. i have gone to work poorly alot of times just because i feel guilty not being there for my autistic child, and my employer is aware of this too. and the other thing that i was more upset about was the fact that there are other employees that have had alot of time off but also for the dependants for things like a sore throat, or a chesty cough even though they have partners or family that are available? Im not one to complain about things normally so hope im making sense to why i am feeling this way :(

[laxi]

thankyou for all of your comments
flowerytaleofnewyork- i didnt mind that I was asked about my mum or sister, but when i explained why they couldnt have him, my employer just left me hanging on the phone saying yes....ok. I understand. But... its just.. couldnt someone else have him?" i had already explained that there was nobody else to have him and in his condition it wouldnt be right or fair to leave him anyway. If my husband was here and things were fine most definately i would have his dad caring for him. but my situation is far from that.