OK I'm a bit muddled at the moment but I'll try my best to explain the best I can.
I have 2 DC aged 7 and 3. The 3 year old is quite demanding although lovely. I am effectively a single parent as I am currently separated from their father due to lots of relationship issues (too many to go into here, honestly not abusive, just he is so withdrawn from family life, he works long hours and we didn't get on even when he was on short periods off work like annual leaves etc, I am depressed etc, constant arguments, resentments etc).
I was at SAHM for first year after my 3 year old was born, which was OK. I then went back to work (my old job) which was OK, quite good flexible hours because I am mainly self employed doing it, money ok, but it's NOT in the field I ultimately want to be in, which is healthcare. I cannot do the degree I want to until DC are older (ie 13 and 17 or so) for logistical reasons, placements, childcare etc.
Last year I left my self employment and took on a job as a HCA. The main reason was to be more involved in the work I ultimately want to do. I love the job itself, but I think the hours have been building me up to a kind of nervous breakdown .
My contract is 24-36 hours, so it shouldn't be so bad in theory. However little did I know they would compress my rotas so, for example, I can be doing 2 x 12 hour shifts , a day off, another 3 x 12 hour shifts then 4 days off. Or 7 half shifts in a ROW then a week off. It changes all the time, and is a logistical nightmare with childcare and weekends are frequent. DD school is miles in the opposite direction from DS nursery and I don't drive so need to get up at 5am if starting at 8 and make 3 bus journeys in the freezing cold to before school care and MIL before I even get to work. And need to arrange cover with afterschool childminder for DD and exMIL/exP if I'm working backshift or 8-8 (often).
Another stressor is that I've never got on with my exMIL. I feel she undermines my parenting of the DC, believes women shouldn't work, will say things to DS like "don't worry we won't tell mummy you were naughty it's our secret" (other people have told me, even DD), and every single rule / behaviour me and exP have put down she overrides and does what she likes anyway. She does not discipline DS and he has unbelievable tantrums for like 24 hours upon coming back from a few days at nans (if I'm on 2/3 twelve hour shifts in a row for example). He gets stablised at home, then off to nans again next time I'm on shift.
I never thought it would be so hard . I feel I am on a rollercoaster, I constantly forget things (shopping, gas and elec top up, paying different bills, school things, appointments, phonecalls) and dread Social Invitations because it's yet another thing to plan for. My house if frequently a disaster area because I have no time for housework. When I do have time I blitz it, but in the intermediate times it stresses me it's such a tip.
I NEED to hand it my notice and gain back some semblance of a life. The hours are killing me. I have been low level depressed for a while, especially with the break up (in Feb this year).
The salon I used to work in has offered me 3 set weekdays Mon Thu Fri 9am - 5pm and I am going to take it. Small drop in income but do-able for my sanity.
But . . . . . I am seriously in such a state mentally (feels like too many things have been whizzing around my head for so long, my brain is mush and I have NO MOTIVATION whatsoever, just want to lock myself in house but can't - is this depression?) I can't see a way out.
Also, I have never actually handed in notice before, don't know how to go about it? I am chicken and a coward of telling my boss and colleagues who have all been so nice to me and inclusive, I am scared of "doing it". .
I feel ill at the thought of the week ahead too and the impending festive season. Ex P gives very little help and only on his own terms and my family live about 40 mins away. I feel I am coming down with a virus to to top it all off, and this week I have -
Mon - kids to school and nursery, shopping, housework, DD party for 3.5 hours (argh - other people!)
Tue - up at 5am and working then pick both kids up, my work christmas childrens party (argh) - if I see boss was planning on handing notice in.
Wed - work all day, DS away will miss him
Thu - work all day DS still away will miss him
Fri - morning get DS back but he will be tantruming having been at nans argh, then my work's adults "black tie" dinner I have paid for and both Dc would have to go back to MIL AGAIN , and I'd need to find something to wear. not going, can't face it but need an excuse
Sat - up at 5am for work, 12 hour shift ! then friends xmas night out (not going will be too tired will need excuse)
Sun - up at 5am again for work.
I can't do this! I feel like I just can't face all these people, business, I feel depressed and down and "spent" What do I do?
Sorry this post is a huge venting exercise.
What, step by step would you recommend I do? May also post this is mental health. x
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Help! Not sure where to post. I can't handle my working hours anymore and other things, practical help needed.
18 replies
MrawMraw · 09/12/2012 20:43
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