OK I'm a bit muddled at the moment but I'll try my best to explain the best I can.
I have 2 DC aged 7 and 3. The 3 year old is quite demanding although lovely. I am effectively a single parent as I am currently separated from their father due to lots of relationship issues (too many to go into here, honestly not abusive, just he is so withdrawn from family life, he works long hours and we didn't get on even when he was on short periods off work like annual leaves etc, I am depressed etc, constant arguments, resentments etc).
I was at SAHM for first year after my 3 year old was born, which was OK. I then went back to work (my old job) which was OK, quite good flexible hours because I am mainly self employed doing it, money ok, but it's NOT in the field I ultimately want to be in, which is healthcare. I cannot do the degree I want to until DC are older (ie 13 and 17 or so) for logistical reasons, placements, childcare etc.
Last year I left my self employment and took on a job as a HCA. The main reason was to be more involved in the work I ultimately want to do. I love the job itself, but I think the hours have been building me up to a kind of nervous breakdown 
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My contract is 24-36 hours, so it shouldn't be so bad in theory. However little did I know they would compress my rotas so, for example, I can be doing 2 x 12 hour shifts , a day off, another 3 x 12 hour shifts then 4 days off. Or 7 half shifts in a ROW then a week off. It changes all the time, and is a logistical nightmare with childcare and weekends are frequent. DD school is miles in the opposite direction from DS nursery and I don't drive so need to get up at 5am if starting at 8 and make 3 bus journeys in the freezing cold to before school care and MIL before I even get to work. And need to arrange cover with afterschool childminder for DD and exMIL/exP if I'm working backshift or 8-8 (often).
Another stressor is that I've never got on with my exMIL. I feel she undermines my parenting of the DC, believes women shouldn't work, will say things to DS like "don't worry we won't tell mummy you were naughty it's our secret" (other people have told me, even DD), and every single rule / behaviour me and exP have put down she overrides and does what she likes anyway. She does not discipline DS and he has unbelievable tantrums for like 24 hours upon coming back from a few days at nans (if I'm on 2/3 twelve hour shifts in a row for example). He gets stablised at home, then off to nans again next time I'm on shift.
I never thought it would be so hard 
. I feel I am on a rollercoaster, I constantly forget things (shopping, gas and elec top up, paying different bills, school things, appointments, phonecalls) and dread Social Invitations because it's yet another thing to plan for. My house if frequently a disaster area because I have no time for housework. When I do have time I blitz it, but in the intermediate times it stresses me it's such a tip.
I NEED to hand it my notice and gain back some semblance of a life. The hours are killing me. I have been low level depressed for a while, especially with the break up (in Feb this year).
The salon I used to work in has offered me 3 set weekdays Mon Thu Fri 9am - 5pm and I am going to take it. Small drop in income but do-able for my sanity.
But . . . . . I am seriously in such a state mentally (feels like too many things have been whizzing around my head for so long, my brain is mush and I have NO MOTIVATION whatsoever, just want to lock myself in house but can't - is this depression?) I can't see a way out.
Also, I have never actually handed in notice before, don't know how to go about it? I am chicken and a coward of telling my boss and colleagues who have all been so nice to me and inclusive, I am scared of "doing it". 
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I feel ill at the thought of the week ahead too and the impending festive season. Ex P gives very little help and only on his own terms and my family live about 40 mins away. I feel I am coming down with a virus to to top it all off, and this week I have -
Mon - kids to school and nursery, shopping, housework, DD party for 3.5 hours (argh - other people!)
Tue - up at 5am and working then pick both kids up, my work christmas childrens party (argh) - if I see boss was planning on handing notice in.
Wed - work all day, DS away will miss him
Thu - work all day DS still away will miss him
Fri - morning get DS back but he will be tantruming having been at nans argh, then my work's adults "black tie" dinner I have paid for and both Dc would have to go back to MIL AGAIN , and I'd need to find something to wear. not going, can't face it but need an excuse
Sat - up at 5am for work, 12 hour shift ! then friends xmas night out (not going will be too tired will need excuse)
Sun - up at 5am again for work.
I can't do this! I feel like I just can't face all these people, business, I feel depressed and down and "spent" What do I do?
Sorry this post is a huge venting exercise.
What, step by step would you recommend I do? May also post this is mental health. x
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Help! Not sure where to post. I can't handle my working hours anymore and other things, practical help needed.
MrawMraw · 09/12/2012 20:43
Oh thanks everybody. 
I have literally never had to hand in notice before, so had no idea how it is supposed to work.
I feel so pathetic because it is a close knit team, I'm invited to xmas parties etc, they have made me welcome over the 9 months I have been there and I feel stupid and like others manage to do it, but I just can't take it any more.
In answer to the questions,
I have counselling already since June (due to the break up amongst other things), and it really has helped me clarify things and come out of the worst of my depression, but it is gradual and I feel I bit off more than I can chew with these hours. half the time I have to cancel the counselling too because my time is so limited.
Ex has never officially (on paper) moved out . But physically has (in person - he has been living at his mothers since Feb). So our finances are still tied . But I've been to CAB and worked out if he officially leaves financially we will be OK - I will get tax credits for the shortfall.
The issues with MIL are just the tip of the iceberg really. I was really stupid to allow her this much influence of having DS so often, she is a dangerous person (emotionally), prone to fits of hysterical behaviour, has screaming matches CONSTANTLY with exP (me and ex never did this in front of Dc but the atmosphere must have been bad) to the point DD tells me about them . Won't respect a word of what me or exP say as parents, thinks she knows best in every which way, has actually said recently the children need protecting from me because I am all about money and not caring about children leaving them in childminders at all (god forbid to earn a living!) and they need protecting from exP too apparently because he disciplines DS too harshly and she is going to phone Social Services (I don't think he does anything wrong or out of ordinary at all, nor do my friends or family and I am shocked she would say that about her own son - I think he wants to come back here and reconsile because living with his mother is stressful, but I don't want him here when he refuses to resolve issues).
Re the shifts - I was put on a 24-36 hour contract, and the previous manager (who has left) told me this would be either 4 x 6 hour shifts a week , or 3 x 12 . I presumed a week as being 7 days Mon - Sun. I have found it doesn't work like that, it's Thursday to Wednesday. So I could be doing all my hours for one week Monday to Wed and all my hours for the next Thursday to Tuesday - making me on 7 days in a row . Then I get a week off , but the compressed week exhausts me and is affecting kids negatively, I am a SAHM for a week then hardly see them the next week.
What does signed off mean? Can you get signed off sick by your doctor and hand in your notice whilst signed off sick? Are you allowed to do this? If so, that sounds like a good option right now. I am not sleeping well either, can't sleep until 1/2am with thoughts whizzing around then up at 5/6/7 again either with DC or on days off with more thoughts lying awake.
I don't think there is any specific reason but the place does have a high staff turnover and staffing problems and they are really unsympathetic to people needing flexible hours I have found, by observing others being constantly knocked back for the "needs of the business" (quote). Those who have worked there the longest get the best hours, newish staff (less than 5 years) seem to get landed with all the weekends and stressful compressed 2 weeks hours in one (like me). They just slot you in where needed , the attitude is you are lucky we are not asking you to do nightshifts (contracts say x amount of hours per week to be worked over a 24 hour period thu - wed)
Just read that back, and feel like the MIL thing needs clarification.
She honestly sees normal things which normal parents do as being wrong and damaging to children. Like putting children in a childminder AT ALL - "they could be doing anything to the children" (but school and nursery fine, brownies etc fine) 
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She thinks ex P is a bad father deserving of Social Services referral because he does such horrendous things like shout at DS (3) for misbehaving (like hitting the dog, tantruming etc) - I mean who hasn't raised their voice at their child! Or for lifting him and putting him in the bedroom and shutting the door on him telling him to stay there for 5 minutes until calmed down in a stern voice. She says he is "abandoning" DS
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