Positive reports about care homes

[stonecircle]

A lot of people on here are struggling with elderly parents and trying to avoid them having to go into a care home. The idea of going into a home was always completely terrifying for my mum and dad. My dad died in 2011 and mum has struggled on living an independent - but lonely life. She now has dementia and my sister and I have had no choice but to find a care home for her.

We feel we've chosen well. She's been there for about 6 weeks so far and my sister and I are starting to relax and stop looking for problems. It's a small home in a big old, extended house and has the feel of an old fashioned hotel (albeit a slightly shabby one!). The staff are lovely and have been at pains to learn mum's likes and dislikes. They are busy and no doubt overworked (12 hour shifts!) but I've never seen any of them be anything other than kind and caring. And they don't always know I'm there as they gave me the door code so I can let myself in and slip into the corner of the lounge where mum often sits without them knowing I'm there.

I'm not kidding myself it's perfect - one or two staff have a tendency to talk to the residents as if they were talking to children and the food doesn't always look great (though mum seems happy with it) - but life living on your own at 90 isn't great either. She has a much better social life - if you can call it that - than she would have done at home. When I visited this afternoon I nipped to the loo and came back to find one of the other residents sitting in my chair. She and mum were having a wonderful animated conversation - or rather two conversations as they were both talking about different things..... But they were smiling at each other and observing social niceties. It was lovely to see after a couple of fairly grim months in hospital.

Anyway, I just wanted to say to people, that care homes aren't always the hellish places we see portrayed in the media. They can be nice, caring places so don't feel like a failure if your mum or dad ends up in one. If anyone else has any positive experiences, maybe post about them here to help balance out all the negative reports we seem to be bombarded with.

[CMOTDibbler]

In spite of her fairly advanced dementia, and a naturally anti social personality, the two nursing homes my grandmother was in were lovely, and she was very well cared for. The food wouldn't have been to my taste, but I know that mostly the tastes of the elderly aren't mine!

My mum will need to go into care in the next year or so, and if anything happens to dad (v likely tbh) she would need to go in immediatly. I won't feel like a failure as I know her needs, and my sons needs are not compatible at all. Not to mention mine!

[HesterShaw]

Thank you for starting this thread. We are starting to look for care homes for my dad whose dementia is advancing at an awful rate and my mum can't/won't look after him at home any longer - I'm not judging her for that. There's now way I could do it. I can't believe it has come to this so soon, but there it is. The things you read about in the media and on MN actually are frankly terrifying.

We think we have found a nice one for him. Luckily both parents have always been very careful with money, and have an insurance policy which will cover about half the fees for a BUPA home. I know they're not the best simply because they're BUPA - my husband's gran was in one, and there were staffing issues, for example - but it seems as though the dementia care is very thorough and thoughtful at the one we have found for my dad. I am very anxious that he can take part in music activities which have always been a huge part of his life, and that there is nice outdoors space, which he has always adored.

Can't believe it has come to this so soon. He's only 70 :(

[Trumpton]

My mum was in respite care in our local government run residential home due to Altzheimers when a permanent place became available .
" Mum, they have a place for you. Would you like to stay on here?"
"Oh yes please darling."
"Do you want to come back to your house to sort things out"
"No thank you . Will you just bring my bookcase that my Grandad built me. It's like an hotel here . Why would I want to be anywhere else ?"

Lovely place,fabulous staff who loved her and came to her funeral. Bless them all, they let me be a loving daughter rather than a worried panicked carer.

[WestEast]

My grandma was in a home for a few years before she died and had dementia. Towards the end she didn't know us. It was hard. She was fairly healthy though, just 94, old and tired.
Yet she loved doing 'gardening.' The home staff would drag grow bags onto the dining tables and the residents would pot up flowers, bulb, tomatoes, if it could be grown in a tub it was planted! Everyone would get covered in mud, the sheer amount of cleaning up the staff did was immense! The pots were put out into the quad (redidents rooms opened up onto the quad) and it was a riot of colour and beauty throughout most of the year. My grandma used to have a huge garden and she loved this. She was so so happy having her hands in the mud. Makes my eyes get a little bit wet whenever I think about it.
Her home was amazing.

[ProfessorDent]

Fair enough, but I would differentiate between care homes and nursing homes. The latter are for anyone who can't feed themselves and beyond that.

Yes, a care home can be like a hotel, a bit Separate Tables.

[stonecircle]

My understanding is that a nursing home is for people who need medical assistance - not help with feeding?

[CMOTDibbler]

Exactly Stonecircle - feeding is a care need, not a medical need. My mum, for instance would need a nursing home because she needs controlled drug patches applied and her diabetes monitored as well as the care needs of her dementia

[ProfessorDent]

Well, my mother needs Parkinson's pills and Madopar patches three times a day. But that wasn't what got her turned away from one nursing home, it was that she needed feeding, and that required more staff. Or, that's what they said, anyway. Her lack of mobility wasn't an issue.

But in any event, I would still differentiate between care homes and nursing homes, many of the former can be delightful I'm sure, but the latter really depend on residents getting enough to drink, which is basically unproveable even if they are on a fluid chart. Once they don't drink much, they then stop eating, then it's palliative care and/or death. All dressed up to look sadly inevitable, just one of those things, old age.